1999

That is the year I graduated from high school.  Last night I took a look at the old year book and as soon as I saw the pictures of all of my friends I got the feeling of dread.  I was in a horrible relationship with a little twerp of a guy.  His insecurities became mine.  As all of these relationships start out he was perfect, made me feel good about myself and I thought he was just the best thing to ever happen to me.  Then I was pressured into sex before I was ready, he knew that I was a virgin and once that happened he would have his hold on me and he did.

After that he started with his rules, they came one at a time so it didn't seem like that big of a deal.  First was my hair, it started with him liking it pulled back so I did that often but then it turned into me looking ugly with it down so obviously I never wanted to wear it down.  Then it was my wardrobe, only sluts work tank tops so obviously I didn't want to do that, wearing a skirt will just show the world how fat I was (no I wasn't close to fat), no form fitting clothes.  A few times I straightened my hair and got a lot of positive reaction and that caused a big fight.  When I tried to question these things I was told I could break up with him but no one would love me or find me attractive and if I pushed him on that things got violent.

My school had senior day the fall of senior year, we took the picture of the 99 for the yearbook (you know all the kids forming the 9s).  After that was a little ice cream social and the photographer went around taking pictures.  My friends were in so many and when I was with them my boyfriend yelled at me for being in pictures, I have no idea why he had a problem with it.  I missed out of the fun of that day because we were fighting.  Then I looked at some of the other events that year that I didn't go to because he didn't allow it and I was heart broken. (No  homecoming, not senior breakfast, didn't see the plays, no Mr. AHS competition...)

I tried to break up with him but it never stuck.  It wasn't until the spring when I wanted to go to the senior reception with my parents and he didn't want to go and didn't want me to go.  We spent the day fighting on the phone and I almost didn't go.  My parents talked me into it, they never liked him but I never listened to them about him.  I finally told him I was going and that was final, I didn't expect to see him but there he was, walking in as we pulled up.  I'm surprised my dad didn't pull him aside and put the fear of God into him.

That summer was a lot of on and off BS, mostly off.  I knew I was going to college and I would be able to make a clean break.  That's what I did.  He turned a little creepy at that point, calling me at all hours of the night to see if I was in my room, dedicating songs to me on the radio, all sorts of crap that just made me hate him more. 

How did this happen to me?  I had parents who were involved in my life, I played sports, I made good grades, I had great friends and it still happened to me.  It can happen to anyone, it can happen to TC.  I can't tell you how much that scares me.  I look back at my high school years with dread and pain and it would kill me if she does the same some day.  While being the mom to a girl is all fun when it comes to dresses and pony tails it's terrifying when it comes to boyfriends and potential abuse.