Last week Doc decided that we should have him come out to Washington and help us move to AZ and then stay. (Yes in the next few weeks.) I understand where he's coming from, I really do. His dad isn't going to clean up his act in his current situation. He needs to make a clean start. For those who haven't been around his dad is a drinker and drug abuser, prescription pills I believe. He's have several DUIs but when he's clean he's a great guy. I think my issue is pretty clear. I just feel like no matter what I lose in this situation.
Yes, obviously I want him to get clean once and for all. I would love for my kids to have a grandfather, one that isn't going to flake out but at the same time so much has changed since last we talked about this. Most obviously is the addition of a brand new baby, I am not even excited for him to be there to watch TC when I have the baby but someone has to be. I think family bonding time is really important when a newborn comes home. I love freely breastfeeding and napping and working out and whatever else I want to do when I want to do it. Doc asked why don't I just cover up to BF, I hate doing that in public I refuse to do it in my own home.
I feel like we will need this time to be sure TC knows that she is still 100% loved and cherished. And lets face it, recovering from giving birth isn't pretty. I know Doc's father would do his best to not get in the way of all of this but is that really fair to anyone? The whole point to having him live with us is for him to be an active part of a family.
There are so many other questions too, he is on disability because he was thrown from a roof while working, would he be able to get that out of state? Massachusetts is pretty liberal with it's programs and Arizona isn't known to be liberal at all, will they have things like the out patient volunteer place he goes daily back home? How is he going to get around? I'm not sure what the state of his license is at this point and I know I am not committing to driving him all over creation. And then there is the major question, what if he relapses? Doc says he would be out f that happens but it's not really an issue of if but how. Would it be around our kids? Would he hurt someone? I know a few google searches would answer a few of these questions but this it Doc's deal and he hasn't even looked.
Of course there are the other issues like getting him cleared to live on post, who knows with the record he's put together. The the other big thing is he would have to quit smoking, not cut back or just smoke outside. Both Doc and I are anti smoking and don't want even third hand smoke in our home.
Where do I really stand on this? I would be willing to give it a try, it's not forever. If he needs this to finally get his life together then how can I deny that? But at the same time I wish I wasn't in this situation...