vindication, sort of

Like I said, Doc has been acting like a d-bag lately and he knows it.  In our session this week I brought up that I felt like he was treating me like a misbehaving employee he admitted it.  He doesn't know he's doing it at the time but one he's done and has a chance to replay the conversations he sees exactly what he's done.

We can't be sure if it's the move stress or leaving here or just unrelated stress from the TBI, we just know that it's got to stop.  The frustrating thing with episodes like this is since he doesn't see, in the moment, that what he's doing is hurtful he is going to have a hard time stopping it.  But honestly it's not that big of a deal.  I know that when this happens it's not really him.  While it stings and is a major ego blow it's not the end of me.  Believe me, I know how it sounds, I would roll my eyes if I was reading this too but this is life after TBI.  Things can be going great for days, weeks, months and then out of nowhere it hits.


It is really hard for me, what I really need is for him to put his pride aside now and then.  After his outbursts and he knows that he's hurt me he wants to apologize but he doesn't really know how.  He said that he feels stupid putting himself out there like that, it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around.  I've always been emotional and I've always verbalized my emotions but Doc grew up with The Major (his grandfather) and the men in the family we not coddled.  We're working on it.  What's most important to me is that our kids feel comfortable with such vulnerable emotions.  Doc is open and loving with TC now but who knows what's going to happen when TC has the ability to reject him.  The real test will be if I'm carrying a boy, how will he treat a little boy? 

I guess this is the mark of me really being a mother, putting my hurt feelings aside and worrying about how my kids will feel.