please don't call her that

I am obviously not an expert in child development or child psychology so feel free to take what I'm saying with a grain of salt.  I am not claiming to know the answers, I just have a few observations.

I am doing my best to let TC decide who she wants to be.  Right now she loves books but I'm catching myself every time I call her a book worm.  She really has no interest in toys and could sit with her books all day but I still want to expose her to as many different toys and things as possible.  I don't want to box her up so early in life.

When she's being a brat I try my best to ask her to stop acting bratty and not say "being a brat", I've called her my little monster before but that is when she's being cute and not being a monster at all.  I try to keep from labeling her ever, even if it's just on facebook where I know she can't see it, everyone else can.  I would hate to have a bad day and call her Teagan the Terrible and have it stick or for her to see it someday (we all know the internet lives on forever).  The only nicknames I want for her are just silly and not at all reflective of behavior. 

I've mentioned several times the issues I had growing up, how my stepmother made everything hard for me, well it still affects me today.  I felt like every embarrassing thing I did or mistake I made she was on the phone telling her sister or God only knows who else.  I had no privacy and was quickly labeled at emotional and snobby.  I wasn't either of these things but as time went on I became very emotional, mostly because I think that is what was expected of me.  The snobby part was only because I had been made very self conscious and in turn a quite kid. 

These are the reasons I am careful what I share about TC on FB and even here, when she's 13 how will she react to someone telling her they remember pictures of her on the potty and the announcement of her first potty poop?  Is it really necessary for everyone to know that she isn't ready for potty training and asks for her diaper or poops on the floor?  No, it's not and I know first hand that family will use these little tid bits later on in life thinking they are funny but really just to embarrass my daughter. 

I don't want to call her names, I don't want her behavior as a child to define her.  I know we will go through phases when I will be tempted to box her up but I'm going to do my best not to.  I'm trying to get Doc on board but he doesn't get it, he has no idea what it's like to be a girl and feel the need to please everyone.

I few weeks ago I mentioned that I hate cleaning in front of people, I have very detailed memories of my stepmother calling me Cinderella while I was doing my chores or when it was my turn to do the dishes.  Many times it was around people outside of the family (while we were camping during the summers, there were always people at our campsite) and everyone thought it was so funny. My face would change and then I would be the snob with no sense of humor.  She never did this to my siblings, hell they could get away without doing their chores and still be perfect.  I remember that pain, I am feeling that pain now just thinking about it.  I will never make my daughter feel like that, I will not put her down for my own sport.

I tell TC all the time that she has choices, she can chose how she acts and in turn chose the outcome.  (Exp "TC you can sit at the table and eat your berries or you can have no berries at all, it's your choice.)  I, as her mom, have choices too and I chose to raise my daughter knowing that when she wakes up everyday she makes the choice of who she wants to be.  Who she was yesterday is a thing of the past, what matters is what she decides for herself today.