Obviously my dad, it's no secret that I was a daddy's girl, I miss him so much every day. I just want to hear that he forgives me for not coming to visit him as planned the day before he went into his coma. I was tired and called him, he said it was no problem and he would see me tomorrow. No big deal, well so much can change in 24 hours with a cancer patient. The other thing I really want to know is what he thinks about the direction my life has gone. This is not what we planned for me. I know that all that really matter was my happiness but he was so proud that I went to such a good school for business and that I was going to be a big shot one day. Well, I'm CEO/CFO of the Random house so that's something. I want to know that he's part of my daughters' lives even if they will never know him.
My sister in law, I never met her, she died a month before Doc and I met. She brought us together, it's such a weird thought but had she not been sick Doc may have never moved home from California. I strongly believe that she had a hand in us finding each other, he needed me to help pull him out of the black hole he was falling down. I want to know from her how I could go about bringing her memory in to our home without causing Doc pain. I don't even like saying my neighbor's name because she share it with his sister and we just don't talk about her. I want to know more about her so that my girls can know more.
It's a weird thought, death is so final, that's what we are always told but what if it's not? I believe in the after life both in heaven and here on earth. I've lived in a home that had spirits living there and that is one of the reasons we left that home. I know some people think it's a lot of crap and I am not here to debate - I just want to talk to my dead family, is that so much to ask?
This made me tear up. I hope someday you are able to talk about all this....it's so important to talk and remember about our loved ones that have died. Hugs.
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