I'm back

I never really left but I haven't had much to talk about so I've been neglecting my blog. Doc went back to work yesterday after his 2 week leave. It's nice to have him out of the house again, not that I am home while he's at work but I think you know what I mean. He's already started to try to straighten out this whole school issue...we'll see how it all works. I will believe it when he's one the plane. I am hoping that if he does go he doesn't leave until August because we are moving at the end of this month and I really need his help.

It shouldn't be that bad, we are renting a UHaul for the day and should be able to get everything in one trip. He's also enlisted the help of some of his buddies which is going to be such a helpm, I know he's not going want me doing any heavy lifting. I'm OK with that, I have really small hands and have a hard time gripping things (sounds crazy but it's true) and he gets really frustrated because I can never hold up my end of a couch or dresser. So I will be happy just organizing everything. I did start packing, well I packed one box...of books, the worlds easiest thing to pack but still - it's a start!

I wish moving from one county to the next was a PCS, I just want the army to hire people to pack me up and move me down I-5!

how Moses saved Princess

I had a hard time falling asleep last night, I went to bed at 10 but was still up at 11:30. I guess there is just a lot on my mind. I Finally fell asleep until 4AM when Moses came running into the bedroom, jumped on the bed and landed sitting next to my side of the bed on the floor.

Doc got up to see what was going on and I rolled over to go back to sleep, as soon as I closed my eyes Doc was back and said that Princess has busted through the screen door and had gotten out. I shot out of bed. Princess has only been outside a few times and that was just on the patio when she escaped. She's declawed so I virtually defenseless out there! Doc was quick to grab his sneaker and the flashlight and run outside. I quickly followed with her treats and we started searching.

We couldn't find her anywhere. I went all over the complex shaking her treats and calling for her. Doc went back and got Moses to help with the search. To be honest I was amazed with how diligent Doc was in looking for her, he hates her! But he knows how much I love her and that was all he needed. I was a mess, crying and trying to hold myself together. After an hour we were going to head to bed, I was going to put some food out for her and we were going to sleep with the door open but Doc took Moses for one last trip and sure enough Moses picked up her sent. We don't hunt so he's never been trained to track but I am sure he was just confused to smell her sent outside and that is why he followed it. Doc called for me and there she was, crying out laying on a patio 3 apartments down. She couldn't find her way home. She was so scared.

I got her inside and checked her out, it looks like she got into it with another cat but she had no cuts or bites (she must have won). All in all, it was a scary morning. We got back in bed around 5 and I didn't fall asleep until right before my 6AM alarm. Thank God Moses came into our room, Doc is convinced that he was trying to tell me that she had gotten out but I am pretty sure he was running as far as he could from the noise the door made when it came off the track.

heartbroken

My best friend in the entire world (A) just let me know that he father has been diagnosed with cancer. He will have surgery in about a week and I am sure the doctors will get it all and he will make a full recovery but I am heart broken that they have to go through all of this.

Growing up he was kind of a summer dad to me. Our families both spent the entire summer (as well as each weekend from April - October) camping at the same campground and in the winters we attended the same church. As kids A and I were inseparable, from our morning showers to 11PM curfew we were either riding bikes, building forts in the woods, swimming...then as we got older we were kissing boys and driving down to the Cape Cod Canal. Whatever it was, we were doing it together.

He dad has always been strict, a Navy man turned math teacher who likes everything to be squared away. But once everything is done and done properly he is a lot of fun. I remember one particular sleepover night where he decided around 9PM to take us out for ice cream. We were already in our PJs so we got a sleeping bag and put it down in the back of the jeep with the wood paneling (hot car A!!) and we drove from Plymouth to Sandwich because that is where the good ice cream was. All the while summer dad was making us laugh and having a great time. There really isn't a point to me telling this story but I hope that A reads it and smiles through her tears as I am. I wish I was home with you right now!

A:
I have all the faith in the world that one day he will be driving our kids out for ice cream (but they will be in proper car/booster seats...the carefree 1980s are over!). This is just another bump in the road and I am so sorry that you have to deal with it. Your father is a strong man and a stubborn man so don't think that he is going to let this get in his way. I love you so much and am so thankful that you have R to help you through - remember to lean on him as much as you need because you are not alone.

yay

So everything looks good so far. My due date is staying as 2 Feb 2008. We saw the heartbeat, they didn't give us a heart rate because the reason for the ultrasound was to date the pregnancy...I think it's stupid but whatever. They wouldn't even look at my cyst to check on that. Oh well, everything looked good. Arm buds, leg buds, a big head (like it's mother) and a heartbeat. Can't ask for much more at this point.

Doc thought I was being a bitch but I had to say something about the nurse who was sending and receiving text messages while in the room. He was seated down by the door of the room and could have been in full view of everything. I am sure it was innocent but after he left I told the doctor that I thought it was rude and made me uncomfortable that he was using his phone while I was spread eagle on the table. I think I was well within my rights to bring it up, I will be seeing these people a lot in the next year so I am going to start putting my foot down now. He is at work and should not be texting while working, it's not professional. So that was that.

Here is the little one:


I changed my hair again :) I am not a fan of this picture, my boobs are so big they make me look bigger than I really am :(

i could feel the love

Thank you everyone, yesterday kind of sucked but I really did appreciate all the warm wishes and prayers, I know they helped me get through. I am happy to report that my sad days are officially over! April - June 21st are always so hard for me but now I am looking forward to bigger and better things.

We have the ultrasound tomorrow which I am so excited for! We had one in the ER a few weeks ago but that was mostly to make sure baby was holding on tight (seeing the "cardiac activity" was a plus). I will be exactly 8 weeks tomorrow so I think we will be able to call it a heartbeat. I am nervous, I hope everything is going well in there...if my boobs are any indication things are on track (seriously, my rack is huge). I am also anxious to see what that cyst is up to, hopefully shrinking away. I have no idea what they will do for it if it's getting bigger. I will be here with an update tomorrow.

Caution, rant ahead:

Doc mentioned that he may get passed over (again) for the training he needs to go on to be promoted...I am just so sick of it. He has been in line for this since we got hear almost 2 years ago! He moved to his current company because his first sergeant from his first deployment (the one who was blown up a few feet from Doc) hand picked him to be his medic. The battalion senior medic has told him he will be going to this school next, his first sergeant has told him the same so now the company senior medic is trying to put two guys ahead of him because they've been with the company longer. Doc has more time in service, deployments and time on his contract and should be the next to go, the only reason he is in this company (which was never the company we wanted him with) is to serve with his first sergeant. Hell, if it wasn't for Doc the man wouldn't be walking today - the other medic blanked when he was blown up !

I am trying not to get worked up about it because, for all the reasons I just mentioned, it should be resolved after he goes back to work next Monday. But this is the army so there is a good chance it will all fall apart again. We aren't counting on his promotion to get us through but with the extra BAH, pay and other special pay graduating this school will give him we are looking at an extra $1000 a month. I don't know about you but I've heard that babies are expensive.

lazy days

It's been a day full of Deadliest Catch and laying around...heaven!

I don't really have much to say today but I did find a form of meat I can eat - thank God, the thought of eating tofu made me want to vomit...what's next joining PETA and Birkenstocks? (OK I am kidding...kinda.) Anyway, I can eat ground beef and not want to rip my own tongue out so tonight it was tacos...yummy! I think I ate some bad pasta for lunch but so far I've been OK - this new sense of smell is throwing me, I liked eating questionable food before I could smell that it was turning! (Erin, Mike gets home in a few weeks so you better be on this crazy trin with me with in the next few months.)

I am trying not to think about tomorrow, perhaps it will come and go like any other Sunday. I know my mother will be texting my sisters and me to call her husband as she does every year and every year we tell her that we don't do father's day!

My daddy would be turning 58 tomorrow. I try to keep it clean on here but, fuck cancer!

i'm sure i will regret it

I told my mother how much what she said hurt me and that she was out of line. My whole life I have just let her walk all over me and excuse it because she was drunk or she was kidding or she didn't mean it...this time I didn't take her excuses but I did take her apology. She said she just couldn't get her foot out of her mouth but really, it shouldn't have been there to begin with. When she learned that I was in the ER last week she realized exactly how upset I was and exactly what she was letting her stupid mouth miss. She felt even worse, which isn't what I wanted but perhaps it will make her think in the future.

I am about to be a mother to my own child, why must I continue to be a mother to my mother?

So I will keep her up to date with all things baby and take everything she tells me with a grain of salt. I hope this is the last you hear of this.

In other news, Doc just called me from the market to ask what I wanted. Hahahaha silly boy, I want EVERYTHING! I am having the hardest time eating meat, but I can eat McDonald's so I think it's just the size of the meat that I bite into that is the problem so he's picking up some ground beef so I can try to eat tacos tonight...let me tell you the thought of tacos is making my mouth water right now and it's only 10:30! That's a good sign. But of course I also needed:

• fig newtons
• strawberries
• green grapes
• a fresh pineapple
• pasta & sauce
• milk
• eggs
• vanilla syrup (for vanilla milk...which he didn't get) :(

I could have gone on and on but he was getting overwhelmed. I wonder if he remembered the paper towels...that's why he was going to the market in the first place.

not how I wanted to start my day

I logged into my computer at work to see this message from my mother:

"Still mad at me? I love u very much! and I didn't mean to upset u. Once I started I couldn't get my foot out of my mouth.I had the right to remain silent but I did have the ability. CONGRATS on baby and how are U feeling?"

I don't know what to do with it.

I just want to smoosh his face

Doc kills me sometimes, seriously he's just so funny. He doesn't have excellent comedic timing or a knack for impressions it's just him. Several months ago I was talking about a song, a very well known song and he said with a straight face, "yea, the cross eyed bear song." It took me a minute to figure it out, he had to sing it to me and as soon as he did I LOST it. I know, you have no idea what song I am talking about so here, let's sing it together:

And I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear Cross eyed bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

After I composed myself I told him the correct lyrics and he conceded that those made a lot more sense. He'd been singing about a crossed eyed bear for 13 years.

He did it again this afternoon, he's home on leave so I went home for lunch and he was singing along with another popular song, this time he was turning Bon Jovi into gold miners:

Its all the same, only the names will change
Everyday it seems were wasting away
Another place where the faces are so cold
Id drive all night just to get back home that gold

And even though that makes no sense at all he fought with me about it so I told him to Google it. For some reason he searched for "Dead or alive words" which I thought was hilarious in itself, who calls lyrics words? Anyway, I was right and he was left hanging his head in shame. I am glad I got a good laugh though I needed it.

cell phones, mothers and weddings - oh my!

I don't understand some people, since when does owning a cell phone mean that you will be accessible at the beckon call of anyone who dials your number? The more I think about it the more pissed off it makes me. I have decided that I am done picking up my phone unless I really want to talk. That is what voice mail is for. Then there are those people, you know who I am talking about, they call...leave a message...call...text...only to come to the only obvious conclusion - you're not answering because something horrible must have happened! Nope, I just don't want to talk to you. The only person I just out of my chair to talk to talk to is Doc and that is only when he's overseas. OK, that's the end of my cell phone rant...but if you call and I don't answer I probably just don't feel like talking to you :).

That being said, my mom called last week. It took her 2 weeks to call me after this wonderful conversation. Perhaps she wanted to see how I was doing. Maybe she wanted to apologize. There's a good chance she was just going to pretend it never happened. Who knows, I didn't pick up and she never called back. If she really wants to contact me she will. I know it sounds like I am being silly and that's fine but I know that what I had to do, for me, is just ignore her. Had I acted the way she did with any of my friends I would have been on the phone the next day begging for forgiveness. If they wouldn't take my calls I would turn to email and snail mail...anything. Not my mother, she's just a bitch. I love her because she's my mom but that doesn't mean that I like her. I just wish that she would get it but she never will. It is heartbreaking.

And finally I have one more thing to bitch about. (Get that fake shocked look off you face, this is what I do and you love it!) I mentioned months ago that my former college roommate is getting married and that I was excited to not be a bridesmaid (woo hoo). She's been planning for June 2010. I got and email from her on Sunday telling me that her wedding is now in September...not just September but LABOR DAY! I think it is beyond rude for people to plan a wedding on a holiday weekend (sorry if you are/did but I HATE it). I've looked into flights for the weekend, $500-600. That's not happened. Not just that but Doc and I are planning a trip home in November before he deploys again. I know people want to throw me a shower and it's been over 2 years since we've been home.

We just can't afford to have 2 trips home and if we could Doc can't come home with me in September, he'll still be away so we can't combine the trips. I just hate that I have to tell her that I won't make it, she's one of my best friends...had it not been a holiday weekend and airfare was reasonable maybe but I just can't swing it.

you must be (this tall) to ride this ride

At 5'7" I think I clear any fake height requirements that could go along with pregnancy but I have to tell you, I was not ready for this roller coaster.

Yesterday was a very nice day, the spotting had seemed to stop and the cramping went back to the normal tugs and pulls. I came home from work and hung out with DH all night, I didn't even touch my computer one time last night! (That is HUGE for me). We watched the Sox win in extra innings and then I managed to stay up to watch all 47 hours of Benjamin Button (great movie). Around 11 I took Moses out to pee and went back to bed with a smile on my face. That was until it was my turn to pee.

What I saw on my tissue was not the brown that I had been seeing, it was RED! RED?! I walked out into the bedroom and told Doc that I was bleeding and immediately lost it (my eyes are watering just thinking about it). He asked if I wanted to go to the hospital but I said no remembering that the Dr. told us to come if I went through 2 pads. So I went back to the bathroom and dug out a pad and went to bed.

Doc was amazing, just hugging me and trying to calm me down. Reassuring that no matter what happened this was not the end of it for us, we will have our family. But the most important thing is that he acknowledged that he has no idea what I am feeling and so the most he could do is to just be there for me. And he was. I know I talk about the little things he does that drive me crazy but moments like last night overshadow all of that.

I did eventually cry myself to sleep until 3:00AM. Like clockwork I got up to pee. I laid in bed for several minutes afraid of what I was going to see but I have to tell you I was thrilled when I finally got up. There was nothing there. We've been clear all day. I am taking it easy, resting with my feet up as much as possible. I wish I knew what was causing this so I could make it stop. I am only at the end of my 6th week, I still have half of this trimester to get through before I will be able to almost breathe easy.

Pregnant woman should never fall behind on waxing

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning on Thursday morning and went to the bathroom and noticed that the spotting had gotten darker so that in combination with the cramps I was having on Wednesday night I decided that we needed to go in. I am not sure how much sleep I got that night but I am sure it wasn't much.

The parking lot was a nightmare but luckily the ER was not busy at all (good thing about an army hospital - we all have insurance). So I had my vitals taken and all that and then the nurse handed me the dreaded cup. I was prepared I had been drinking water on the way. Unfortunately I didn't have to go yet so I refilled my bottle and waited.

About 10 minutes later we were called back and put in a room. The nurse came in and game me my beautiful hospital gown and I waited for the doctor. A few minutes later in walks the very young, very handsome Dr. Baker. Imagine a Doogie Howser who looks like Matt Damon. Yea, he even made that stupid military haircut look good. Anyway, he was really nice and listened to everything I had to say and he understood, he told us his wife has had 2 miscarriages. He told me he would be doing a pelvic exam then an ultra sound.

I know the young doctor is there to make sure that everything is going fine with my pregnancy my waxing situation would not even cross his mind but still I had to tell the nurse "I'm in between waxes!" She was really funny, "Girl, you should see what we see in here, that's not a problem." And wouldn't you know know, as soon as the Dr starts his exam those bottles of water finally catch up to me. It took everything I had not to pee on the poor man. Luckily they had me go before the US.

The US was an experience in itself, I knew it would be vaginal but I was not at all prepared for the length of that probe. And once it had started I understood it as the (becoming less attractive at this point) Dr used me for stick shift practice. OK, it wasn't that bad but they had to do a lot of maneuvering to see everything they needed. (The, the attending came in to assist as Dr. Damon Baker is a Jr. Resident.) Doc was watching it all and holding my hand throughout, then they saw the gestational sack and that is when I started to cry. They saw the yolk sack and it was in the right place and looked good. As they continued the tour of my uterus they informed me that I hadn't emptied my bladder completely, which was becoming more and more obvious as they kept poking it! Then they found a large (5cm) cyst on my left ovary. They said it was nothing to be worried about and my OB would just keep an eye on it.

Here's the fun part, they turned the screen to me and showed Doc and me the "cardiac activity." We have a heart beat! They also showed me the fetal pole which I lied and said I could see (I'll see it for real at our appointment on the 23rd). Then we were done. The nurse came in and took some blood and we waited.... Why she didn't take the blood when we first got there I have no idea, we would have been able to leave so much earlier. But my blood work was good, numbers were up and I was good to go. He did say that if I start bleeding heavily there is a good chance I will miscarry and there isn't really much they can do. But right now I am calm.

Sitting in a hospital room with Doc is an experience in itself. He gets bored very easily and needs to be bothersome. He spent a good 15 minutes messing with the slope on my bed then another hour trying to convince me to let him "take me on an adventure" which would consist of him pushing my bed around the hospital as fast as he can. I declined that invitation.

doing much better

So I had a bit of a panic attack this morning...it's OK this is my child we are talking about. Still no pain and nothing has gotten worse, it may have even subsided for the time being. Thank you all for the concern, I hope I am not this neurotic the whole time.

Not that that is out of the way I am pleased to announce that the kitty litter has been changed! I did have to supervise him because he tried to tell me that he didn't know how to do it...it's not that hard:

1. remove bag
2. replace bag
3. fill with clean litter

I had thought about asking him to scoop it once a week but I will just settle for him cleaning it. I just find it hard to believe that a man who has saved the lives of several American soldiers and countless nationals wanted me to believe that he didn't know how to change a litter box.

I know I am pretty hard on him, well it seems that I am, I'm really not. We are very matter of fact with each other and that's just how I like it. When I sent him the text message this morning he called me back and reminded me that the nurse said it was normal (he was listening!) and he's sure everything is fine and he didn't want me to stress about it. He's not really one for being sweet or encouraging when I am being irrational so it meant a lot to know that he was taking this seriously (and he didn't think I was crazy).

I think I am overreacting

But I am spotting, it's light and brown like I've heard is normal but I am still freaking out and I don't know what I should do...any suggestions?

I don't have any pain, just the cramping on and off that I've had the whole time but is it normal to start to spot 6+ weeks in? I don't know what I will do if I lose this baby too...

darn, no more jump lunges

So I know you are all waiting to hear how the appointment went yesterday (yup, that's all you've been doing checking on me for an update hehe). Like I said yesterday it wasn't really much of anything, we talked to the nurse for about an hour going over family history and all that good stuff. She answered all my silly questions but I am glad I asked, she said no more jump lunges or jump squats on my Wii Active (seriously I am OK with that, I don't really have the coordination to execute those correctly). I am so glad I decided to stay with Family Medicine, she was so nice and super sweet, even Doc said "Wow she's good, she kept up with us." We are kind of a crazy couple to be around I guess.

Weird thing happened, well not that weird considering I am knocked up, when she was talking about Doc bringing the car seat to the baby floor I lost it...started bawling! WTF? Car seats? I don't know if it's the possibility that he wont be there or the realization that once that baby is strapped into the car seat it's up to Doc and me not only to keep it alive but to make sure it doesn't turn into a psycho. That's a lot of pressure.

After I collected myself and shook off the embarrassment (well Doc will make fun of me for it forever but that's a given) we made and appointment for my first ultrasound! Woo hoo! Yea, a vaginal US. I am not sure I like the sound of that but it's my only option so early so looks like I will be scooting to the edge of the table in front of Doc way sooner than I thought. We go in on June 23rd and should be able to see the heart beat!! At 8 weeks I am not expecting much else but this may be Doc's only US so I really hope there is something to look at. I keep pushing the thoughts of "what if" out, there will be a good strong heart beat.

Next stop was the lab where the dude handed me a cup...ummmm sorry dude, I am not that pregnant I cannot pee on demand. I need a lot of prep to pee in a cup, as in I have to be on the verge of wetting myself. So there was pee in my fridge last night. After taking 5 tubes of blood I was done.

Nothing overly exciting...ohhhh but we stopped at the PX and Commissary before leaving Ft. Lewis and I tool full advantage to the Expectant Mom parking :).

Oh and EDD is Feb 1st, after the US the date will be for sure.

Now is where I let loose about my DEAR husband. Anyone want him? I am so happy to have him home but his shit is all over the house. I don't get it, it's like he spawns more and more shit to leave on the floors and tables and where ever he can. I had a little chat with him that I need some extra help right now but I must have been speaking Japanese because he's done nothing. Last night I wanted him to clean up after dinner, we I grilled the steak and had baked potatoes, clean up was a few plates and that's about it. When I saw the leftovers not put away I did it thinking he would at least put the dishes in the dishwasher...nope. I just don't understand who he thinks he is...or who I am for that matter!

Another fight, which is a no brainier as far as I am concerned, the cat box. I have been telling him since he got home that he needs to change it and guess what still hasn't been changed. In the past almost 4 years I have never once asked him to change it for me, it's my cat and my responsibility but right now I can't. I am like a friggen basset hound, I can smell EVERYTHING and that cat box stinks. If it's not done today she's going to start to look for other places to go.

I do love him, and I am so thankful that he's home (even if he snores like a jackhammer and takes the entire bed) but is it some much to ask that he pitches in? It's not like I need him to be superman just do the chores that most men already do!!

quick update

Today we are meeting with an OB nurse at the hospital on post (Madigan), nothing exciting like an ultrasound, at 6 weeks there isn't much to see. Should be an hour long visit with Doc's and my family histories, Q&A, blood work and a bit of a walk through of the next 8.5 months. I haven't heard from Doc so it seems that he will still be able to make it.

In other news, please keep Doc's family in your prayers today, today would have been my sister in law's 25th birthday. Doc won't even acknowledge it, it's just to hard for him but his father and living sister have a very hard time on these key dates.

I will update more later.

june.

How is it possible that it is already June? I know it's been June for a good 5 days but still...when did this happen? Doc has been "home" for almost a month (haha, home....funny). I really hate June - father's day, my dad's birthday, it's a lot to deal with. This year Father's Day is my dad's birthday, I am not sure how I feel about that. When we buried his ashed in 2001 it was father's day. This year I will be able to do something nice for Doc but the pain will still be there.

I've been trying to push the sad thoughts out of my head, it is excruciating to know that my dad will not be in my child's life. I remember hearing stories about my dad's dad and he never really felt like a real person to me, I hate that my father has the same fate. He would have been so excited to hear the news, he would have been telling everyone - he practically wore my SAT score on a T Shirt and I only got an 1140!

I am just bitter that my child has been robbed of someone who would have most defiantly been a best friend to him/her (I'm pretty sure him).

who wants a cat?

I love my cat, she can be very sweet when she wants to be and I am sure she thinks she's being sweet but I really just want to toss her through the window!!

Last night was a struggle to stay awake long enough to get my workout done with Active so when it was finally time to go to sleep I was very excited. That stupid cat woke me up at least 3 times nuzzling her stupid head into my chin. I know she wants me to scratch her head but come on, I'M SLEEPING. I hate her.

Other than that there really isn't much going on, I am more tired today than ever (thanks Princess). I almost puked today but didn't...thank God. I am starting to combine my symptoms which is fun, I started to cry because I am so tired and being tired made me emotional. My boobs feel like they weigh 1,000lbs each and I may have to start sleeping in a bra (I typed bar the first time which would be frowned upon). I've been dizzy all day and I am not sure if that is normal but it's quite annoying.

Just a few more days and Doc is home, I miss him like crazy...it seems like he's been gone for much longer than 2 weeks, it's like he never came home at all (which is obviously not the case!). I just want to go to sleep...I want to win the lotto and never work again and go to sleep.

There really is no point to this post and I am OK with that, my head is all over the place anyway.

Oh Mac, why must you toy with my emotions?

As many of you know I had a minor break down then a Quicktime update killed my Sims a few months ago. Yesterday was a big day, Sims 3 came out. I had my copy reserved and was super excited that this time around it was a WinMac DVD so I wouldn't have to wait for Aspyer to convert it to a Mac format! I checked my system, and I had the memory, the processor, the RAM I was good to go!

I got home last night and inserted the disk and clicked the install button....NOTHING! Come on! After a lot of frustration and a little research it seems that I need Leopard 10.5 and I am running on Tiger 10.4! I can't stand it. I was about in tears (I am going to blame that one on the hormones) and Doc was so supportive, "if you need to upgrade we will just stop at the Apple store on the way home from the airport." So I have to wait until Saturday, fight the traffic at the South Center Mall and then be talked down to by a Mac "Genius". I guess I have 3 days to back everything up before I blow up my computer trying to upgrade it.

It's just frustrating, we bought the Mac in January 2007 and did so because they last so long...who needs a computer that lasts so long if it's obsolete?! It's not like it's an easily replaceable $700 tower.

Despite all of this I still love my Mac. I have only had these to complaints about it in the past 2 years and I think that's pretty good.

Don't think I don't know who silly I sound going on and on about this just so I can play the Sims...I know.

Remember Shawn

2 June 2007 my good friend lived the fear of all the military wives I know.

2 June 2007 her husband was killed by an IED.

2 June 2007 she was informed by a PHONE CALL! The incompetent officer who ran a recruiting office couldn't find her house and called her.

2 June 2007 she posted this in the army wives support group she created:
"girls help me...i just got the news...Shawn is dead...please kill me, please i dont want to live"

She and Shawn had a love to be admired. Their connection was one that many couples strive for. They were young, happy, in love. They had an amazing future ahead of them in the house they had purchased (via POA) a week before. Although I never actually met him I felt like I knew him with all the stories she would tell.

2 June 2009 she has come a long way.

Losing a spouse is hard no matter what the circumstance but for her this seemed impossible. There were moments that I was afraid for her, her pain was so unbearable I feared the worst. While this road has been incredibly hard for her she's not only pulling through but accomplishing amazing things. She still loves Shawn as much if not more than the day they were married but she is allowing herself to be happy.

I know she would disagree but she is one of the strongest women I know. Even at her weakest she was able to pick herself up and carry on to another day. I am so proud of the woman that she's become and I know Shawn is too.

I'm pregannt! haha

I know, we all knew that but now that I finally got through to the lab it's 100% in Doc's eyes. He called me at 8:30 and asked if I had called yet, no I hadn't - I hadn't even gotten out of bed! He asked me to text him when I found out. After several more calls and a few more messages I finally got through and surprise surprise (sarcasm)...it was positive.

I texted Doc and his response: "Sweet"

Such a way with words.

So when he called he asked me how I am feeling which was sweet. Here is how I am feeling - FULL! Before this breakfast was oatmeal and fruit, lunch lean cuisine, dinner (while he's away) lean pocket or cereal. Now breakfast today was eggs, toast, fruit, and a big glass of milk, lunch was grilled cheese, a banana and a huge glass of milk. I can't get any more food in me but I know I need to have all these nutrients. Can I take Beano?

Time to go lay down and digest.