Phew but ugh

So it turns out that I am not pregnant. I have a horrible stomach bug. I'll spare you the details but I'm sure between the puking and other stuff I've lost 5lbs. Doc is on leave so I'm so lucky to not have to try to be supermom.

We were supposed to go buy a bed today because I think a 30 year old on just a bed frame is lame. I guess that will have to wait.

the girl who cried wolf

I know, I always think I'm pregnant.  I just don't really trust the IUD I guess.  Doc and I decided to wait until we move and see how it goes there before having more kids.  This past week I have been having the same insane crazy dreams I had when I was pregnant with TC.  With her they started right after implantation (I know the exact date I conceived TC because he just returned from deployment and left soon after that).

I'm also beyond tired these days and not just the TC was up twice last night tired.  Today I feel like barfing...no food (other than Cocoa pebbles) sounds good.

The worst part is that I don't get my period on Mirena so I have no idea where I am in my cycle but I'm not going to test until next weekend.  Right now a negative means nothing.  If we are pregnant I will be happy after the initial freak out.  A baby that bypasses my almost fool proof birth control is no doubt a gift from God that he wants us to have right now.

I'm trying not to worry about the complications that can come from removing the IUD while pregnant, no need to really worry until we know for sure but the thought is in the back of my mind.


I would love another baby but I would be more prepared for it in a year or two.

And in other news, my landlord is avoiding me because the washing machine is broken.  I checked our lease and she needs to fix it or buy a new one.  If I don't hear from her soon I am going to go buy one and take it out of our rent.  She has known since Friday!

bad dog

Moses has been really good with TC, she loves him.  She loves the hug and kiss him, lay on him, tug on him (which we stop her from doing as much as we can).  Lately she has discovered his, well his male appendage.  When she wants to check that out I tell her "leave Moses's penis alone" which she thinks is pretty funny.

Moses is a patient dog and when he's annoyed he usually just gets up and walks away.  A few times when she pins him down he's growled at her and we correct that as well.  It's not like a nasty growl, dog owners know what I'm talking about.  Basically, he's exactly what you would want if you have a baby around.

Well that is what I thought.

Two nights ago TC was hugging him like she always does and he snapped back and nipped at her.  He didn't bite her and he wasn't trying to (if he wanted to he totally could have).  As son as I saw it happening I yelled at him.  He knew as soon as he did it that he made a huge mistake (again, non dog owners might think I'm nuts but I know my dog like I know my daughter).  TC was fine, she was a little scared but fine.  Moses, on the other hand, cowered in the corner like the bad dog that he was being.

That happened Tuesday night, the last 2 days he has tried to avoid her which makes me a little nervous.  Is he doing it because he knows he did a bad thing or is he doing it because he doesn't trust  himself?  Either way I don't like it.  We are also being more careful about leaving them alone together (which we never really did before) but it's not really an issue because Moses follows me around.

I just don't really know what to do.  These are my kids, obviously TC trumps Moses every time but I'm not ready to push him out the door.  Anyone else deal with this?  Any suggestions on how to help them both live happily together?

TBI and us

As promised I am going to give you a rundown on what Doc's injury really means for us.

January 2010 Doc was in the accident.  His vehicle rolled over, he was knocked in the face with the butt of a weapon as well as knocked around the vehicle.  When he came to he was pinned down by guys and equipment and the nose of another weapon was staring him in the face.  He broke a bone in his face and suffered a concussion.  They wanted to airlift him to get checked out in a hospital but he declined and since there were no other medics on the missions with him no one could override him.  

He continued on with missions until he returned home a little over a week later.  All I knew what that he had a headache and he would tell me why when he got home. 

When he got home symptoms started showing up and that is when we realized that this was not just a concussion.  He had nausea, memory loss, black outs, confusion, speech issues, anxiety, temper problems, rage, trouble sleeping, exhaustion (those last 2 together are a bitch).  I'm sure there have been more but that's all I can think of.

He held it together pretty well at first.  I had TC 3 weeks after he got home so I'm glad he was able to put me and her first for a while,  I am sure it wasn't easy.  The start of all this was really scary, he would flip out over really small things, over reactions like I had never seen and it scared the crap out of me.  Other moments were a different kind of scary, he would be driving and forget where he was or where he was going.  Other times he would just lose huge chucks of his day.  All of this with a constant headache, muscle stiffness and nausea.

There were a few months where most of the symptoms subsided and we thought things were getting better, until they weren't.  Sometime over the summer things turned into him having the headache body pain, irritability, speech problems, anxiety, temper, sleeping problems and exhaustion.  But like I said, when we are in the right mood it's kind of funny.  I don't know what it is about the refrigerator but he can never remember what it's called, some days it's a car, some a shoe...when things are tense it's nice for us to crack up because he wants me to get him a drink from his shoe.

The headaches are still there but they are getting better.  His head is related to how his muscles feel, I keep trying to get him in for a massage but he's resisting, I think going in every 2 weeks will really help him (and make me jealous).  He takes a pretty heavy duty pill to sleep each night and some days they do great and some days like today he wakes up and you can just tell that he's not doing well.  His eyes wouldn't even open when we got up at 7.  On days like this he just looks like crap, even his skin gets worse. 


But that's pretty much the gist of it.  I know it could be much worse and as far as TBIs go we're kind of lucky but I still hate it.

snap decision

Another new follower.  I don't know why I'm obsessed with hitting 200, I just think it will be pretty cool. 

I'm not really a give away type of person but I think I'll do a little one when I hit 200.  Don't get too excited because I'm a babe on a budget but I'll make it fun.  And I know D.A.R. you have like 47 thousand followers so my 200 might not seem like much but it's cool, I'm just glad to be on such a bog goddess's reading list hehe.

I also had a fun realization.  I'm kind of like a super hero.  Well not in the stopping crime sort of way but in the alter ego sort of way.  A friend posted something on facebook that reminded me of a blog post but I realized I couldn't say anything because then everyone would know.  My semi anonymity  is worth withholding some info. 

Oh and other randomness - this is my last post on my MacBook pro, it's going back to the PX tomorrow.  Mac is coming out with a new version so I am going to bring this back in my 2 week window and then wait to get the new one.  I'm so smart. 

because I am now an expert

I've been a mom for a little over a year and I have not only managed to keep her alive but she's also thriving!  I honestly didn't think I had it in me.

When I was pregnant I thought I need so much crap, some people agreed and others who knew better told me I didn't.  To honest, I didn't get half the stuff people said I needed but I still got way too much

These are the things I LOVED (yes all caps)

1. The boppy!  It's not just for nursing but it made that 1000X easier (and we still use it).  We also used it to lay her down (supervised, always!) it was a great way to let her nap during the day.  As she got older we used it to prop her up and for tummy time.   Seriously, the best thing ever.
2. Her swig.  We didn't get the "you need to have this $140 FP Little Lamb swing" I just couldn't justify spending that on a swing.  We got a $50 discontinued kind of ugly swing that did the job.  If we had to do it again we would have gotten one that plugs in as well as runs on batteries.  A vibrating seat would have been cool but not a deal breaker.   I credit the swing with my ability to work out a few weeks PP, she loved watching me and then she would fall asleep allowing me to shower in peace.
3. Strollers, yea it goes without saying.  A stroller is always a good idea but I like that I have 2.  My original stroller is light weight (18lbs) and super cute. I'm glad it was so light because TC and I started walking right away and not pushing a lot of weight was good for my ravaged nether region.  (TMI?)  The jogger is great for running, obviously but it;s also nice to not have to take the stroller out of the car every time I need it and it really sucks to be out and realize that you forgot the stroller.
4. MyRide 65 convertible car seat.  It rear faces up to 40lbs and have a 5 point harness to 65lbs.  This car seat will be used until it expires (yes they expire, make sure yours are still good).  There aren't many things you can say that about.

Aside from breast milk, diapers, and a place to sleep that is really all we needed. 

Now my top come in handy but not needed items.

1. The bouncy chair.  She like it but it was never something she really loved.  She would have been cool just laying on the floor.
2. Jumperoo.  She did have a blast in this and I would totally buy it again but again not necessary.  
3. Pack N Play, we envisioned months of her sleeping in her PNP in our bedroom but in all honesty she slept in our bed until we moved her to her crib around a month and a half. 
4. High limit infant car seat.  We got a seat that went up to 32lbs and 32", it was expensive at $168 but I justified it thinking she would be able to use it for a long time.  Even now she's only 21.5lbs and 28 inches.  I was not at all prepared for a 20 six month old.  She was fat and uncomfortable so we switched the her rear facing convertible.  So yes we would have gotten the infant carrier because that made life so easy but we would have gotten one that only went to about 25lbs. 

Total waste of money that I didn't use or even buy.

1. Diaper genie, we use our to keep TC from getting at the baby gate.  
2. Super nice crib - TC chewed the crap out of hers, even with the crib guards.  We bought a $130 crib at Target that converts to a toddler bed and that's it.  I would be so sad if I expected this piece to last for years and she ate it!
3. Changing table, we change her in the living room, we have a basket with all the necessities and it's great.  
4. Joovy Nook high chair, we finally replaced ours.  I loved it at first but TC has started hating it.  The tray doesn't bush in, it's on position chair is too reclined.  We replaced it with a Graco Blossom 4 in One which she seems to really like. 

So there is it.  There are so many smaller items I could get into that we loved and some that were flops but I would be here all night and I am sure no one is even reading this now anyway.  Since I'm super mom and know everything take all of this information as Gospel.  

ahhhh

This stuff rocks, I need to go back to the apothecary shop at Pike Place and stock up on it.

I just took a bath with a glass of wine and my favorite Greeks.  Now that I am a MacBook owner I have the joy of portability.  I can now watch Netflix while in the tub!  Tonight I watched Greek, I love that show, makes me miss the almost carefree days of college.

I'm waiting for a movie to download on iTunes so I don't have much time but I have a few blog ideas that I want to get down.

• TBI, his (our) now and then - basically what has changed and what is kind of hysterical (it's okay we look for the best in every situation)
• My motherly advice.  Now that I've been a mom for a whole year I'm obviously an expert.  I just really want to talk about all the crap we bought and what we used, what we loved and what we wasted our money on. 
• My creepy tendencies.  This has to do with my creeping on the Yuma facebook pages and looking at the profiles of the people on the pages. 
• My shins, never in my life did I think my shins would be the most interesting part of my body.

I know you're excited for all of these things.

A Doc update

Doc and I had an appointment with his counselor this past week, I don't know why it takes him talking to someone else for me to get information.  He said that the majority of his headaches are gone which is great news but I had no idea.  Part of me thinks he didn't tell me because he liked having that as a crutch with me.  I know it's horrible to say but I can't help but think it's true.  He is still in a fog, he said his head feels like it's in the middle of a sneeze.  But the good news is that the headaches are gone. 

We also talked about getting together with The Care Coalition (TCC), they can offer great things to Doc along the lines of treatments but many of these treatments are in other locations for a few months at a time.  This would mean putting our move on hold.  Not the best idea.  My main fear is moving to Yuma, a post with almost no full time soldiers and being forgotten about.  There is no major hospital there and while Doc would remain under the special operations command he would not have the network he currently has.  If we do go TCC rout he still might not get better and we would lose our spot in Yuma and get med boarded. 

I think you know what we've decided.  We are waiting for orders.  I had a nice talk with the doctor that Doc works with who has been monitoring his case (also Doc's boss and friend) and I feel really good about things now.  As I said before, if we got the job in AZ we are still under JSOC and so we would still have connections with TCC.  The doctor is calling his contact in San Diego and he's going to be on top of Doc's case for us.  So it looks like we will have the best of both worlds.  He'll have the job that will allow him time off to heal, we will get to stay in the army and we will have the help of TCC. 

Now we wait for orders to come down.  That is a process in itself because Doc's current unit can't release him until the unit he's going to is ready to take him.  Doc's MOS is 68W1, the 1 qualifier means he has a lot more training than your run of the mill army medic and it also means that if he's released before  the new unit is ready to pick him up odds are some random unit will snatch him up and then we're screwed.  Hopefully they come soon, I want to be able to enjoy some Arizona weather before it gets too hot to live.  But life waiting for orders has been pretty good, Doc's been pretty good.  He hasn't really snapped at me much and when he does he's pretty good at correcting his behavior. 

So bottom line, TBI is still alive and kicking but getting a little better.  We want to move to crap hole Arizona to save Doc's career and TC is the most beautiful toddler in town (okay, I added that last part but it's the truth).

mommy post

Before I get started, 5 more wonderful readers before I hit rock star status.  What, what!!

TC had her 12 month checkup yesterday and my little lady is doing very well.  I had no idea but she's such a little thing.  At 28" she's in the 25th percentile for height and she's 21lbs putting her in the 55th percentile for weight.  Obviously she's a little porky because her height and weight percentiles don't align but that's okay, she's got the best potbelly in town.  Also, she has only gained about 2lbs in the past 8 months - she was a fat little baby.  Her head is in the 4th percentile meaning it is TINY.  I know she gets that from Doc because my head is ginormous.   I wasn't worried about that until I was told 4 times not to worry....hmmmmmm

My mom told me that she was shocked when she first met TC because she was so short, I usually take closeups.  People are always commenting on how strange it is that she's such a good walker which I kind of understood because she was an early walker but I had no idea that is was also super short! 
Here we are, me in all of my I-haven't-worked-out-in-months glory. 

God my boobs are huge, this kid better start liking cows milk so these go back to normal.

The one thing that kind of bothered me is the chicken pox vaccine.  As most of you know TC is on a semi delayed vax schedule (nothing some random book told me to do but after a reaction at 4 months she only gets one shot at a time) so she was only going to get one shot at this appointment anyway. We went ahead with the MMR.  I was trying to understand the point of the chicken pox vaccine and all I really got was to avoid some discomfort...I'm not convinced.  And I believe the vax isn't 100% and there is a booster needed around 16?  I will admit that I need to do more research and if I ever want to utilize CYS on post she will either have to get the chicken pox or the vaccine.  All 5 of my brothers and sister and I had CP at the same time and we all made it through. 

Coming up this weekend I'll fill you in on all things Doc, apparently most of his headaches are gone, who knew?

"but I only smoke outside"

No not me, I don't smoke and I don't plan on it.  Many of you know that my dad was a smoker and he smoked in the house, in the car, in restaurants (before the wonderful laws).  This meant that my brothers and sisters and I also (second hand) smoked in the house, (second hand) smoked in the car, (second hand) smoked in restaurants (surrounded by 20+ people smoking).  He quit smoking when he was too sick to get off the couch to go outside to smoke, when my sister had her son while living at home my father had to smoke outside.

My mom is also a smoker.  I said before she came for her visit that the smoking was what worried me the most.  I tell her all the time that I want her to quit, I don't want to lose another parent.  She gets it, and I get that a smoker will only quit when she is ready.  I didn't try to quilt her because after 30 years I've learned that doesn't work.

While she was here she didn't smoke much and before she got here she did her best to get rid of the smoke smell by only bringing freshly washed clothes and what not.  After her first night here she wanted to go to Wal-Mart to get some fabreeze, she could not believe how much the smoke on her transferred to my house. She was stunned and embarrassed.  He suitcase was permeated with the stink of cigarettes.  It smelled like she smoked in the room, Doc still thinks she did but I know better.  She lives surrounded by smoke.  She has no idea how she, and her things, smell.  Just like I had no idea that I smelled like a cigarette when I was a kid.  Maybe this will help her see how bad it really is.

I was ready for her room to stink.  Like I said, I know how it is with a smoker.  I was not ready for the rest of my house to stink.  She had maybe 4 cigarettes a day - not a lot at all.  She smoked on the back deck and in the back yard and not near the door.  When she left my couch, my curtains, my rugs, my kitchen linens, my boppy - all of it smelled like cigarettes. 

I'll repeat that I understand that a smoker will not quit until she/he is good and ready.  I am not trying to guilt any readers in to quitting or bothering their spouse to quit I just wanted to share my story.  Someone who is always exposed to smoke most likely doesn't even recognize when they are carrying the smell.  I learned first hand that even an outside smoker can impact your inside life and their loved ones' lungs.   Just food for thought, that's all.  (I'm trying to be a less judgmental mother - I swear)

I was able to get the smell out of my house after keeping the windows open for 2 days (it was chilly but well worth it). 

VD

We don't really do Valentine's Day, last year he had staff duty (you know, during his paternity leave) so we had a nice meal of McDonalds.  This year I'm cooking up a tri tip I got from Costco.  I gave him a peanut butter cup when he got home from work.  I am romantic like that.

This is what I'm considering my Valentine's Day gift even though I got it on Friday and it had nothing to do with VD.

It's true love, only love can make me cheese out like that.

Award, yo

 Mandy over at Mommy Musings has realized my genius and named me for the 7 facts blog award.  Thanks Mandy, I love your blog and can't wait to "meet" the new addition!  But you should really lay off the tanning - I still miss how relaxing it was to lay in my little cancer cylinder and get nice and tan but those babies of yours deserve to have a healthy mom.  Tanning makes you 75% more likely to develop skin cancer and I would hate for your kids to have to lose their mother because I know how much it sucks to lose a parent.  And I also know the anger that comes along with knowing the death was totally preventable!  Okay, I've said my bit and now I'll be quiet about it.

The rules (because all good awards come with rules, tonight's Grammy winners have to hop on one foot backstage hehe):
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.
2. Post 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 5 bloggers (I'm glad she changed it from 15, that just seems excessive)

7 little nuggets about me..
1. I love bubble baths, I would take one every night if I could.
2. Doc and I haven't had a date night since TC was born, I really really REALLY want to go out but he doesn't want to leave her with someone.  I don't get it, we can even wait until after she's sleeping but he's not budging.
3. I'm scared to death of moving to Arizona, we wont know a single person there.
4. I wish people would stop telling me to move home, THIS IS MY LIFE!  We hope to move home in 15 years when we are done with the army.  If Doc's head doesn't cooperate they will get their wish
5. My sister D drives me nuts, she called and told me I can't move to AZ because the post is too far from an airport - I know she was kind of joking but things like that drive me nuts.  Moving to a new place is scary enough I don't need any more negativity.
6. I love my cat but hate her at the same time.  I don't wish her to die but I wont hate not having a cat someday. 
7. I complain a bit but I know that I have been blessed beyond belief and I am so grateful for that.  The day Doc got hurt could have ended so differently and on my really bad days I remind myself of that.

Here are the five bloggers I am passing this along to!
ah crap, I'm not one to follow the rules so if you feel like playing feel free!

the bug

I've got it bad.

Luckily for me it's not the nasty stomach bug that's making it's way across the country, I've got the running bug.

I am still having some pain in my shins but not nearly what it was.  I'm giving myself a little more time that originally scheduled but come March 1st my chubby ass is getting out there and starting the couch to 5K again.  I can't wait.

I've been fantasizing about lacing up my sneakers (with my new sexy orthotics) putting my earphones in and closing the door behind me.  Just me and my dog some music and my desire. 

I'm not going to run fast, it's not going to be pretty but I'm going to give it my all. 

Is it March yet?

remember me?

First a quick update about our move.  I don't know what I last shared but as of last Monday the school wants Doc and Doc wants to go there now it's a matter of making the army see why this is a good thing.  I also learned that he would be working directly for the school which is good for 2 reasons, 1) he would be staying in JSOC (Joint Special Operations Command) and 2) since he will still be in JSOC he can not be plucked to deploy by some random unit short on medics.  Last week Doc's sergent major called down to the school to see what he can do to get things moving.  My concern is that block leave is starting in a few weeks and that will make it very hard to clear this instantiation but nothing is ever easy.

Anyway...

My brother returned to Massachusetts this past week to surprise my younger brother on his 30th birthday.  My stepmother organized a surprise party from my little brother and no one bothered to tell me.  I know, I live 3000 miles away but it would have been nice to have been kept in the loop.  Suddenly I saw family posting on facebook about getting together (the brother who the party was for doesn't have facebook so it's not like they were ruining the surprise).  I have told my family so many times that I like to be kept in the loop, if you're throwing a party send me an invitation.  It's a small thing that helps me feel close to home.  I sent invitations to everyone for TC's birthday.

I know I sound like a baby crying that I didn't get an invitation to a party but this is my family, talking about the whole family being together even though I am still in WA.  I am glad my brother was able to go home, he hadn't been back since 2006.  He joined the Marines in 2000 and ended up in CA where he stayed after he got out.  He has had many problems with alcohol including a few DUIs.  He spent some time in the clink and was unable to leave the state (classy I know).  He has a life in CA and was planning on going back there.  My family really wanted to convince him to move home, to get sober again and start over.  Since he's now divorced it seems like the perfect time to start over.

As of yesterday he was still planning to leave.  I guess last night everyone got together at my sisters house for what was apparently an amazing dinner and wonderful family time.  All the facebook updates afterword were about how amazing it was for the family to be together blah blah. 

I promise, I really am happy that everyone got together and was able to reconnect with my brother but ouch.  The family was not together, you were missing me, TC and Doc. 

I guess D put something in the sauce because my brother decided to stay.  I am very glad, he needs it, he needs to be around his family.  He needs to find himself again.  What I need is to stop hearing that the family is back together. 

fickle readers

My reader count always fluctuates.  It's cool though, I'm still surprised anyone reads the ins and outs of my life.  I'm almost at 200 which I hate to admit will make me feel like a rock star.  And I am sure there are people who just read and don't follow (as there are people who follow but don't read).  I haven't checked my analytics in a while, it doesn't catch people who read from an RSS feed anyway.  Anyway, I am glad to have you all to share this all with.

I don't really know what I expect you to do with this information but I lost a few readers this week since I haven't really been posting.  Some readers are demanding!

Right now I am in the process of moving my files from my iMac to my brand new MacBok Pro!  Doc would not take no for an answer and since we are still banking a big chunk of out tax return I am just going to sit back and enjoy my new toy.

$17 well spent

we're making weird faces but oh well

I am a fan, the beauty school was great and the price, $10 hair cut and $7 conditioning treatment - hell yes!  I think I am going to try out their Brazilian wax too.  The girl who did my hair had a bikini wax by someone there so she gave me her name.  Of course, I'm probably moving in a month and I'm just figuring all of this out now...booo

mission: hair cut

I'm going here tonight: The Salon Professional Academy. 

If I'm going to keep getting amateur haircuts I should start paying amateur prices.  I did tell them I wanted a blowout so hears hoping it works out.

You better believe I'll be back with a full review.

Oh and I still haven't seen that gift card promised from Regis after my last haircut...not cool Regis, not cool at all.

birthday weekend recap

This past weekend went so well.  My mom was great, we only got on each other's nerves a few times.  It was great to see her with Teagan, you never know what is going to happen so it puts me at ease to know that they got to spend quality time together.  (Yea I know it's a pretty dark thought but she smokes and drinks...so it's a thought that's always there.)

TC party was Saturday afternoon and it was really nice.  TC did great and was even able to take a nap while we had a house full of people.  I decided to let her eat a cupcake, she eats so well every other day one little cupcake won't kill her.  

Sunday we watched the Superbowl, my mother is apparently a Steelers fan, she said she liked them before she ever lived in New England so I guess it's cool.  I just can't see myself ever rooting for Roethlisberger, he's a jackass. 

Yesterday afternoon TC hung out with Doc and my mother and I went into Seattle.  Doc got home late and had to go back in last night so we weren't able do go anywhere other than Pike Place but it was a god trip, she found sassafras tea and I got some great peppermint bubble bath at the apothecary shop.

Doc did well with her here but now he seems to be unleashing all that he bottled up over the weekend.  Actually, he's just lashing out because he had an appointment with his counselor today and had to hear about our communication issues.  It's a lot of fun for me.  But this is another post for another day. 

And now a bunch a pictures from the weekend.

I didn't get a pic of the candy table so someone else's edits will have to do for now.

This is the dress we bought for her to wear but it stretched out so much on the hanger it now wont fit her for years.

The boys playing Kinect

T with one of my homemade pinwheels

She hated her hat and wouldn't even wear it, this picture is actually an edit of two pictures, in real life there was someone holding this hat on.

TC and grandma checking into her flight

It didn't come out like I wanted but Doc was being a total ass about taking the pictures.

TC and Grandma