trasition outside

She said she's going for a run, like Momma.

This week I have done my best to move my runs outside since there seems to have been a major weather shift.  We even had a few days were it didn't hit 90!  I am not sure if I will be able to keep this up all the time since it means waking Doc up so I can get out before the sun gets too high, it may read 75º on the thermometer but when that desert sun is beating down it may as well be 100º.

I knew running outside would be a big change from the treadmill but I was really hoping it would be smoother.  My first run was Sunday, 2.01 miles (9:04 pace)  miles and it kicked my ass!  Between the heat and the hills and my inability to properly pace myself...it was a bit of a disaster.  But it go better from there:

Monday - 2.56 miles at a 9:20 pace
Tuesday - Incline intervals on the treadmill 2.60 miles
Wednesday - 2.5 miles around 9:30 pace, I think - my boob sweat turned off runkeeper...
Thursday - rest, feeling sick :(
Friday - 2.67 miles at a 9:23 pace
Saturday - 3.01 miles at 9:27 pace

15.35 miles for the week.  58.67 miles for September.

I feel alright.  I am beyond exhausted.  So bad I almost took a pregnancy test but there are none on post and I am just taking that as my sign from God that I really don't need it.  I am sure the stress of everything else in my life has something to do with all the weirdness going on with my body.

I do have to confess something strange, I keep waiting for the bubble to burst.  I fear that I am going to wake up one day right back to where I was a few months ago with a note telling me that I don't get to be skinny, it was all a big tease.  I can't shake it, I wake up and weigh myself every morning almost expecting to be staring at 152 again.  I know I deserve this, I have worked so hard in both the gym and the kitchen but I spent so much time convincing myself I would never have it again - I still can't believe this is me.  I even blogged about never fitting into my size 4s again, like it was a fact and there was nothing I could do.

I still see the work I need to do, I NEED to start weight training and doing some abs.  Doc grabbed extra belly skin last night, he thought it was funny.  He thinks now that I am skinny again he can make fat jokes at my expense.  Because "You should know you're not fat so it shouldn't bother you."  He is a 12 year old.  I've been looking at this skinnier me for a while, now all I see are the areas I need to improve.  I don't talk about this, I don't want my girls to question their bodies.  I hope that they have just seen me become more active, I hope they don't notice that I am smaller than I used to be. 

So that is it for this week.  Maybe next week I will be able to tell you that I have finally started weight training but who knows. 

♥ - Amber

my "sweet" girls

Last week Addie threw a breakfast burrito at me because she was frustrated with it. 

This afternoon TC said "holy shit" in the correct context.

I know they say that something's got to give, I think it's my parenting.  Oh well...I am sure it will even out.

Doc has to go to Ft. Irwin for 5 days next month to ACAP, it is bad that I am really looking forward to the break.  If anyone wants breakfast for dinner for a week straight come on down, that's what I will be serving. 

♥ - Amber

the medboard from hell

We knew this wouldn't be a walk in the park, we have heard stories from everyone who has been through it before us.  We never expected to be spared our own issues but we never expected to be treated the way we've been treated.  I know this is probably going to sound like gibberish, I am trying to explain what is going on with out getting into too much detail or getting too into the process (because to be honest, I don't really know how it all really works). 

First of all, this process is obnoxious because we are doing it from 6 hours away.  We are stationed in Yuma, AZ and he is medboarding through Ft. Irwin, CA.  Two weeks ago they called on Wednesday afternoon and demanded that he be there on Friday to sign some papers, papers we hadn't heard about or even seen.  Doc doesn't sign anything without his Care Coalition rep seeing it first.  He ran around the rest of the day on Wednesday and Thursday just to try to do everything this guy in charge of his case demanded, things he has been waiting to start but hasn't been able to get in touch with anyone from Ft. Irwin to get the information needed.  By the end of Thursday he was fried and beyond stressed, he finally told the guy at Ft. Irwin that he needed more time here before he could safely make the trip and be sure he had everything he needed.  Thank God he didn't end up going, there was NOTHING for him there.  He would have driven 12 hours round trip to sit in a waiting room for a few hours just to be told that they had nothing for him because, well, THEY HAD NOTHING FOR HIM.

The paperwork this guy was trying to push wasn't ready and even if it was he could have it sent here, there is no reason for Doc to make that drive. 

Since that happened shit has hit the fan.  It has been discovered that the person assigned to help Doc through all of this in CA has not been doing his job and trying to pass the buck to us.  It started with the random retirement date assigned to us.  From the moment we got it I thought it was strange, we didn't even have the paperwork squared away and now we have this random date by which we have to be done out of nowhere?!  And then they lost his paperwork for the entire month of August and apparently don't have voice mail or even answer their phones so we sat on our hands not knowing what was going on.  Now the October date is creeping up on us and we are, and have been since the beginning, pushing back.  We want to go home and would love to do so next month but don't take his leave, don't punish him for no reason.

When the guy in CA was questioned he blamed the whole mess on us.  Saying we didn't care about the date (he never gave us a choice to pick one) and that he tried and tried to reach us but we never got back to him.  Perhaps he was counting on Doc's TBI to kick in and for him not to be as organized as his is but no such luck.  Doc has every email this guy sent, documented every call and sent weekly reports to his Care Coalition rep.  When all is said and done we will do what we can to get this guy removed from his position, if he's doing this for us how many others has he done it to?

In my mind there is nothing worse than treating a wounded warrior like this.  Doc gave so much of himself for this country and now he's got this guy making him feel like he's robbing a bank just to get what he deserves.  Doc hasn't slept since this all started, he is a mess and I don't think it's going to get better until we are all moved home.

Where do we sit right now?  Well, they are petitioning JSOC (Joint Special Operation Command) to get the retirement date changed because apparently it was pushed through without our full knowledge of the situation.  Doc is not signing or doing anything until that is done.  He will continue working with this guy because his only other option was to restated the whole process.

I may feel like Doc forgets that I am a part of this but when everything started to go to hell and it looks like we may lose the terminal leave the first thing he said to his Care Coalition rep was "I have to go home and tell all of this to my wife, and I am going to have to watch her cry."  I think he is on to my "secret" bath time crying sessions.  I love that he cares but I hate that my emotions make all of this harder on him.

♥ - Amber

intervals of death!

TC picked my outfit for our little outing and then took a picture.  I finally was able to wear whatever she picked, I didn't have to say "no, that doesn't fit momma"

Last week I said I would focus on interval training this week so I went to my trusty pinterest account and grabbed one that seemed easy enough.  I am sure some of these fancy new treadmills are programmable but I don't have access to anything like that so I wanted to keep it simple.  Also, there are many interval workouts that call for a heart rate monitor which I don't currently have so simple seemed the way to go. 

I picked one that called for one minute of running with zero incline at speed 7 (8:38 minute mile I think) then walking at incline 15 at speed 4. You repeat this 8 times.  When I first started I thought the run was slow, for just a minute at a time I could totally go faster...then I got to the walk, holy hell.  The run is the easy part!  The first day I had to stop after 25 minutes for, well for female reasons, and I was so glad.  My ass was kicked.  The next day I did the full workout and burned around 415 calories in 32 minutes, not a bad gig.  On Wednesday night I did the workout then added a mile run to the end.  Last night I did it and added 30 minutes on the bike.  Today I only did the 32 minutes, my legs are like jell-o after everything I've done this week.

I've kind of let the squat/plank challenge fall off.  I kind of knew that I would, I never stick to those things.  Since I was doing the intervals my miles aren't much for the week, that work out is only 2.58 miles total.  Runs this week I did 16.72 miles (3 mile run on Saturday started it off) and 9 miles on the bike.  I feel great.  Tomorrow will be a rest day and I will see on Sunday if my straight run has improved at all.

Next week the temps seem to be dropping to highs in the 90s with some lows even in the 60s!  I am going to see is Doc can wake up early enough so I can run in the morning outside a few times.  I really hate the treadmill.

As far as weight, I am down to 133 which is great but the better news is since my last measurements about 3 weeks ago I am down another 1.25 inches!  Then tonight, as I was putting the kids to bed Mr. Bah Humbug about running himself, Doc, said "you are really looking more and more like a runner" and didn't put down my desire to run a half marathon in the next 2 years.  Progress!

♥ - Amber

Spartan Race Winner!

I went over to random.org and had them pick a number for me and the first comment won so Megan from This Insane House has won!  I will message you with your free race promocode. 

If you didn't win and still want to run use this link to get 15% off of your registration! And don't forget the $30 discount for active duty military and government first responders, find out more about that here.

Happy running folks!

♥ - Amber

Ludicrous Speed

Balls are rolling, dates have been changed...an end is finally near.  A bittersweet end for sure but an end.  We have been told that his end date will be moved to January so we wont lose any terminal leave which is a huge weight lifted off of our shoulders.

All the pictures are down off the wall, we've started the sorting and purging task...and I do mean we, Doc is just so excited to get out of here he's really helping.  He even asked me what is on tap for tomorrow's nap time packing extravaganza.  Thankfully we are not moving ourselves this time so we just need to toss out all the crap that we've been schlepping around from town to town.

I am so excited I may puke.  I bought jeans and a sweater - A SWEATER (it was 110º in Yuma today FYI)!  Oh boy, I can't wait.  I've also done a little closet shopping now that I fit in, oh almost all of my clothes so I wont freeze!  Size 4s zip up with no problem thankyouverymuch.  We still have that little issue of where we are going to live when we get home but yea, who needs a house when you have new (and old) jeans?

♥ - Amber

Spartan Race Registration Giveaway & Discount Info!

Disclaimer: I was provided with a code for a free registration to give away and the link for 15% off and that's it, I really think this is a great race that I hope to run soon and think you should too!

It's Friday and that means I am going to talk about my fitness progress, but even more exciting is the opportunity I have for you to win a free registration to a Spartan Race of your choice (in a 2013-2104  Spartan Race in the continental US).  Now that I have been knocking out 5K runs all week I wish I could register but we have no idea where we will be in even a few weeks, such is Army life. Entries are simple, just leave a comment and tell my why you run and a winner will be randomly selected Tuesday evening at 4PST.  

Many of my readers are military spouses so I have to tell you about the amazing discount being offered.  Through GovX, Spartan Race will offer a special $30 discount off all U.S. race registrations to verified active, reserve and veteran U.S. Military service members along with active first responders.  You can find out more about it here (http://spartanracemedia.com/).  That's a pretty sweet discount so try to take advantage!
   
If you don't win don't worry, everyone who registers with this link will get a 15% discount on their registration fee. (http://share.spartanrace.com/x/up6aU) If you don't know about this race I really suggest checking it out at http://www.spartanrace.com, it's totally bad ass and looks like a lot of fun.

As for me, I am still chugging along on the treadmill.  It was almost cool enough to run outside the other night but not quite.   Maybe if I get up at like 3AM it will be cool enough and the fear of coyotes might make me run really fast.  From Saturday to today I've run 16 miles bringing my monthly total to 26.6!  I still can't believe that this is real life and I can actually run.  I got new sneakers and they have made a huge difference.  I can't believe how much harder my old sneakers made me work.  Now I know I was on to something when I was a kid running around the sneaker department looking for the "fastest" sneakers Marshalls had to offer.

The first run with my new sneakers.

My weight is holding steady around 134-135.  I had a 133 reading this morning but I like to see it a few days in a row to know it's real.  135 was my goal so whatever I lose now is just a bonus.  Even without the weight loss I am still seeing such positive changes.  Here a picture I shared last week with one TC took this week, can you say leg muscles?!  I did that..me...all by myself!

Now don't forget to comment and tell me why you run for a chance to win a FREE Spartan Race Registration.  Entries will be closed on Tuesday (September 17th at 4 PST).  Good luck!

♥ - Amber

laughing in the rain

Something shifted, perhaps Doc read my last blog (I've always told him he has total access to it, he has never read it because he feels that I should have my own space) or he saw through my feeble attempts to act as if everything was alright but something shifted.  I am not going to complain or look too deeply for a reason why, I am going to enjoy.

Saturday night he, out of nowhere, told me that his current bottle would be his last bottle of whiskey.  He is not an alcoholic but when he drinks he really drinks and lately it has been a lot.  My mom and his dad are both card-carring-arrest-records-to-prove-it alcoholics so we are well aware of our predisposition to addiction, maybe that is why he made this choice, maybe it's because he doesn't want to feel like crap if he doesn't have to, who knows.  The decision was his and I am all for it.  I even went so far as to say if he wanted to be a dry house I would give up my occasional vodka or beer (thankfully that wont be a problem - he said no....dodged a bullet!) He will still have a beer now and then but for now Jack Daniels wont be hanging out in our house.

I think this is going to really help.  Fewer calories from the booze and no more late night buzzed eating.  I think he is going to see his weight go down quite a bit just by making this change.  His weight is a major source of anxiety for him.  

He has also been a lot more attentive and helpful these last few days, I really hope this sticks.

Tonight we had another heavy rain shower move through, I really love monsoon season.  Living without rain just isn't natural.  Yesterday I took the girls out and we played in the rain, it was wonderful.  Doc hung out inside.  Tonight when the rain came TC begged to go out so Doc took her, I joined with Addie and it was just a nice family moment.  I could also wax philosophic about what the rain symbolizes and all that jazz but I will just let the pictures speak me.

♥ - Amber

have I fooled you?

I am doing a pretty good job putting on a brave face but I have to be honest - things aren't great right now.  They're not even just good.  Doc has checked out 80% of the time.  He doesn't respect himself, he doesn't respect me, he just doesn't care.  What the hell do I do with this?

Ride it out I suppose.  Once we move home things should get better.

How many times have I talked about riding it out with him?  It seems like once we get over one thing another pops up.  I am working my ass off to try to make him happy but nothing is working.  I admit, since I've started working out the housework has really fallen off.  Apparently I am not one of those people who gets all of this extra energy by working out - it drains me.  I am also up between 5-6 daily with the girls while he sleeps until 10ish.  He has a brain injury you know, he needs his sleep.  5 wouldn't be that bad if I could sleep at night but I can't.

Today I feel like I might just explode, I don't want to cry so here I am hoping this will be enough to get me through the night. 

What I would give to just have one more day with the preinjured man that I married - he would be my biggest cheerleader right now. 

Hey TBI, fuck you.

♥ - Amber

weekly fitness update

I am not a fitness blog (broken record, I know) but I do like keeping everyone updated on how the positive changes in my life are working out.  I think Fridays are the days that I will do this. 

I am so excited about this past week, I could have written several posts but I don't want to turn this into some all weigh loss/fitness all the time space.  First let me share my workout calendar with you (click to enlarge).

You may notice that I ran 3.1 (or 5K) on Tuesday, FINALLY I did it without stopping.  I also did it in less than 31 minutes.  That is my problem with the treadmill, I can't pace myself.  I am sure I could have do it sooner if I could just slow myself down, I get so friggen bored on the treadmill and the faster I run the faster I am done (I usually measure miles not minutes).  If I could get outside I know I could do this on a regular basis but we are still dealing with triple digit temperatures here so that's not happening.  Either way, I did it and I was so proud of myself.  I wanted to snap a victorious selfie to share but there was an old dude in the workout room with me and he already thought I was weird enough after I raised my head in victory as I crossed the imaginary finish line.

After I accomplished this goal, one I have had for myself for over 3 years, I was feeling pretty good and decided it was time to come out on facebook.  I hadn't really talked about my weight loss, mostly because I was embarrassed that I had 20+ pounds to lose.  Living 3000 miles away from everyone I know makes for very few accidental run ins.  I couldn't believe the support I got, it was just more than I ever expected.

But the best thing that has happened as a result of my weight loss is hearing my sister tell me that I inspired her with how easy it really can be.  She started tracking her calories and getting out and walking on the weekends and has lost 8 lbs since I was home in August!  I am so proud of her, I really don't care what she weighs but I do care that she's healthy and happy.  She was so excited to tell me, almost as excited as I was to hear it.  I think she and my brother's wife are gong to start training to run races with me when I get home, I am so excited!

I am pretty very happy with myself.  Weight is holding steady at 134-135 which is fine, I would like to lose another 5lbs but I know that these last 5 are going to be the hardest.

♥ - Amber

moments

I am pretty sure that I will be returning to work when we move home.  Even if I don't TC will be starting preschool next year so my days with her are limited.  I am not in the mood to cry over it again tonight so I will not even talk about how jealous and sad it makes me knowing someone else will get to spend more waking hours with my girl than I will...

Today she grabbed my hand and led me into her bedroom.  We spent a good amount of time laying in her bed pointing out each other's features, copying funny faces, talking about her stuffed friends...It was magic.  There were moments, as she let her little sleepy head rest against her pillow that I saw her, the little chubby cheeked toddler that I thought we left in Washington.  She has become such a beautiful little girl these days that I forget about what a doll of a toddler she was.  But with her cheeks pushed up and her big smile I saw her.  I miss that girl.

Such a grown up little girl.

After she was done laying in bed she danced.  To no music, moves that she has made up and perfected.  I sat an watched in awe.  She is just...she's my baby.  I am so glad to have these moments with her, I need to remember to have them more often.  I also need to remember to embrace her newness.  She is becoming her own person, it is my job to encourage and guide her.  It is proving to be quite a challenge.  Just tonight she got frustrated with her sister and threw a block at her face, hard.  She does things like this and it breaks my heart.  I know it's normal sibling/3 year old behavior but it doesn't make it right (she was sent directly to bed).

That chubby cheeked toddler would have never done such a thing.

When I look back at TC as a toddler this is what I will always see.

This parenting thing is a constant struggle for me.  I am confident that I wont screw my kids up irreversibly...well I am most days.
 

♥ - Amber

wordless wednesday

♥ - Amber

September

Here we are, September - if the army gets its way this will be our last full month as an army family.  As always we have no idea what is going on, the last we heard the people at Ft. Irwin (where he's been dong the medboard) stuff lost his paperwork.  He sent it back in to them and has not been able to get a hold of anyone to get an ETA on when he can at least start to out process. 

I am so frustrated by all of this, if they still insist on October 28th being our last day in I might throw a fit.  It they buy out his leave we actually lose a lot, terminal leave is the way to go...anyway, here we are in September.  I have a lot of goals for this month to keep my mind off of everything, I am excited to get started!

First of all, I can't talk about new goals without telling you about the major goal I just hit, my goal weight!  When I first set up MyFitnessPal after I had TC I never thought it would be possible to get back to 135, hell I was 150 when I got pregnant thanks to coming off of my anxiety medication.  There I was, sitting at 157 for the longest time - 22lbs seemed impossible.  I got back to 150 before I got pregnant with Addie and once again spent way too long at 157. 

I bet you can tell what Doc comments on the most, goodbye chest!

The day I decided to get serious about my health & fitness in June I was 152, today I am 134.8.  You guys, I did it!  I've reset my goal to 130 - I hope to see that this month.  I found a few 30 day challenges on pinterest so I made a little schedule for the month and I can also track my miles on here. (Click on picture to enlarge)

Now that this is out of the way, my other goals for the month:

• Purge, purge, PURGE!  We aren't bringing all of this crap home with us, would like to get rind of a third of our stuff (and all the baby stuff but we are still having that discussion...).
• Deep clean, I have no idea when we are moving but I would like to have most of the hard stuff done.  Ideally, the movers would come and pack us up and all I would have to do is vacuum and dust and be out the door.
• TC need to start writing her name, she can do all of her letters but refuses to write her name, she has too much fun with the letters "H" and "I" but unfortunately her name has neither of those.
• Finish the first Game of Thrones book, I just don't make time to read and that needs to change (well, Us Weekly in the bathtub but that doesn't count).

Thanks pretty much it, doesn't seem like much but with everything else hanging over our heads it seems like a lot to me.

♥ - Amber