old school me

Many of you know that Doc and I met and got married very quickly, I was 25 and ready for the commitment, I had been burned by the last 3 boys I really liked.

Here's a look into my love life before Doc.

The first I let break my heart over and over and over again for 2 years and every time I was left crying for weeks.  As it turns out I was his back up girl and after I met Doc he finally go serious about the girl he really wanted to end up with.  I kind of deserved it, they weren't always 100% broken up while we were together.  After that I said no more and tried to take control.

The next was a boy I dated for about a minute in high school, he was my brother's friend and after college he went off to the peace corps.  Seriously.  (and he was a really cute successful architect, seriously)  He had just gotten back from Argentina in time to welcome my brother home from Iraq.  My brother got too drunk to fly after the people at the bar found out he was a Marine just home and it was his birthday missed his flight so we spent the day at the airport and caught up.  We went out for a month before he went back to Argentina for a while.  While he was away I met guy number 3 (to be continued).

The next boy talked a big a game, after a few weeks he was ready to fly me to his home town of Buffalo to meet his parents.  He told me that he was in love with me and the whole nine.  Before me he dated his next door neighbor who was also a go go dancer at a local club, some 18 year old stoner girl.  One week we both had business trips so while I was on my way to Walmart in Arkansas he was on his way to Target in Minnesota.  After his trip he stopped in Buffalo for the weekend.  We talked on Friday and everything was fine, I didn't hear from him again until Wednesday.  I called him twice and sent only one text.  I wasn't going to be that girl anymore.  I was surprised when he did call, he told me that he wasn't sure if he was really over the party girl next door.  That's when I knew he wasn't for me.  (A few months later he started texting me but I had no idea who he was since I deleted all of his contact info which seemed to sting him).

Return boy number 2.  He came back from Argentina and we started hanging out again.  One night at dinner he mentioned in passing that he wasn't really looking for a relationship.  I stopped calling him.  When he asked why I told him that I was done playing games so we decided to just be friends and that was it.

That's when I met Doc.  We met online so I wasn't sure if it was going to lead to anything so I told him all of this, what did I care?  One good thing about meeting online, you can be 100% honest.  I also told him when these other guys realized they made the biggest mistakes of their lives and came crawling back (number one tried to talk me out of leaving the bar he and all of our friends were at to go meet Doc for the first time, number 2 texted me a few times and when I told him I was married got all pissed off and told me said he was deleting my contact info - burn!, number 3 asked me to drive across the country with him when he moved to Arizona). 

The bottom line is that without these blunders I would have never have been ready for my relationship with Doc.  When each of these other relationships ended I learned exactly what I wanted and what I was really worth.  My eyes were wide open to see that Doc was the perfect man for me. 

it's OK, I know I'm awesome

*I did not get any compensation for this post, if something makes life easier I like to share*


First, thanks for all the positive comments on the new design.  I decided to just do it on my own and I am glad I did.  Blogger makes it really easy to do so I didn't even have to play with much HTML.  I need to give some credit out, the background was a freebie form Digi Scrap Depot designed by Sprouting Seeds Studio.  The image is from a stock image website where you can purchase images to use (linking to the free one because I really appreciate free stuff and want you all to benefit too).

I also added a button that anyone can snag, also let me know if you have a button so I can post it on my blog.  If you want to search for a topic of post I added that to the column as well.  It's like I have a new brand and I love it, I carried the design over to my twitter page too.

Next I wanted to share with you a website that I've just started to utilize, Weelicious.  My good friend and fellow displaced Rhode Island army wife with a one year old shared it with me.  TC has started to get very picky about what she eats and I was running out of ideas. This site has so many easy well rounded recipes to choose from.  So far I've made Spinach Ricotta Bites which Doc loved but TC couldn't really get over the texture enough to actually eat.  Pumpkin Apple Muffins which TC loves for breakfast along with a banana. I tried Carrot Chips which she enjoyed but also found were fun to throw on the floor for the pup and Kale Chips which were not a hit at all!  But we still love kale in almost everything so it's OK.  I just finished making Ham & Cheese Muffins which TC will try tomorrow. 

I love making her food and knowing exactly what is in it.  Makes me feel like I am doing the right thing as a mother.  I am blessed with the ability to stay at home with her so it's the least I can do with my time.  There are so many other recipes that I can't wait to try.

That's pretty much it for now, just had to toot my own horn about the new design and that I am a fantastic mom. 

hitting the road (I think, maybe)

We have been on the PCS yo-yo ride for over a year now, will we or wont we move?  As of a few weeks a go it was a no, there had been a change in command at the new place and they were not interested in doing the work to get us down there so they were just going to leave the position open.  Because Doc is a special operator he is locked in to his current unit, to be released it requires the help of special operations command.  His would be boss thought this would be too much work.  Doc decided that Med Board was the best place for him.  I haven't really been talking about it because it stressed me out and I was hoping it would just go away. 

Doc had made up his mind, he was going to get out of the army and become a stay at home dad (even though we have talked at great length why this wouldn't work).  He was planning on going for treatment in Texas for his TBI but he had no faith in it and was planning for life after the army.

Yesterday he made one last attempt at the whole Arizona thing, I am sure he was just doing it so he could tell me that he did and maybe I would jump on the Med Board train.  He went to talk to his Sergent Major to ask if he would just give the Sergent Major in AZ a rundown of what would be required to get us released from our current unit.  Something that Doc could have done on his own in any world other than the army.  AZ realized that it wouldn't be complicated after all and just like that we were back on.  Orders may come down this week.

I don't know why Doc was so butt hurt when he came home yesterday, this is what we wanted.  He will have time to take classes, hopefully recover more and put him back on track for either PT or PA school on the army's dime.  Just like we ALWAYS planned (and were planning on as recently as last month).  He kept saying "You won, we're staying in" like it's exactly how I wanted it.  I don't win unless he's better, that's what I want. 

Today he admitted his maser plan was to get his disability checks and work at GameStop, I don't think he was kidding.

But this is really good for us.  He's now talking to the retention guy at work about reenlisting since he's on the cusp of having to for the move.  Maybe he can get a little bonus, we'll do a DITY move to AZ and start a new chapter in our lives.

He said the orders will be semi open ended in that we will have a 30 day window for reporting.  The report date can't be any sooner than 90 days from when they are cut, I have no idea - this is our first true unit change.  Our PCS from Ft. Bragg was from a training unit to our first and only permanent unit.  It will give us time to pack up, hopefully my landlord can find some new tenants, and we will have a house waiting for us when we get to the desert.  (Our new post has almost all new housing and allow civilian contractors to live on post until new active duty people request housing so the wait shouldn't be long.)  Hopefully they can give us a 4 bedroom, an addition to the family would be a welcomed surprise any time now.

I'm excited, it's been a long time since I've really been excited (praying that the sky doesn't come falling down again).

pretty

So what do you think of the new design?

blog design...hmmm

While I don't want my blog to look just like everyone else I really do love to cartoon type look and I would love a fun button to share.  Since the beginning I've done my own blog design, I have no problem with the HTML and creating columns and what not but I don't have the graphic design to make what I'm seeing in my head.  I'm on the fence about paying someone to do this for me as my budget is tight (and I'm pretty type A about this stuff).

Tell me about who designed your blog, what you liked about them and (if you don't mind) what the cost was.  I'm not looking for negative comments but if you have had a bad experience with a designer please email me at randomarmywife[at]gmail[dot]com and let me know why I should avoid them.

If you do design please sell yourself to me.

Thanks in advance for the help.

Friday Fill In

 Link up an get down Biotchess

1. What is your must have gadget?
My iPhone.  When I thought I would be without it I stressed.  I'm not a big game player (other than Words) but I also use it for working out and watching Netflix in bed...and basically connect to the world all the time.
2. How does your adulthood compare to what you imagined it would be like when you were a little kid? It's NOTHING like I thought it would be.  I remember being 23 and seeing a "half my heart is in Iraq" sticker on a car and crying for the person inside.  I would never put that sticker on my car but I would never think I would be that person.  And just when I got used to it he goes and get injured so now who knows...
3. What is your favorite chocolate recipe? 
I'm easy, fudgy brownies from a box
4. How do you deal with military life when it gets to be to much or to hard? 
What can you do?  I get out of bed and make it through another day with a cup of coffee and a smile.
5. What piece of advice would you give a new Military spouse facing their first deployment?
Before his first deployment Doc told me not to be a victim of my situation and those are words I still live by today.  

small victories

What you are looking at is a freshly cut lawn.  Doc came home from work around 2:30 yesterday as I was getting ready to take TC to the park.  He said he wasn't really feeling well and that it felt like he hadn't slept in days (he slept like a log the last few nights).  When he says things like that I don't really know how to approach him.  Usually when I ask him to do something when he's mentioned that he's tired I get yelled at.

"I just told you I'm exhausted and now you want me to do xyz?  Do you even listen to me?  You have no idea what this is like"

The grass really needed to be cut and I was leaving the house anyway so I bit the bullet and asked him to do it.  He didn't say that he would of he wouldn't but he mentioned that this would be our only dry day for at least a week.  I left the house feeling hopeful.

TC and I had a fabulous time at the park, she was more interested in the bench than the toys but at 13 months can you blame her?

When I got home Doc was on the couch where I left him on the couch and I had visions of myself out there with the lawnmower, again.  It wasn't until I let the dog out that I saw that he did cut the grass.  I was so happy and I let him know how much I appreciated it.

The victory wasn't me getting Doc to cut the grass, the victory was Doc making himself cut the grass and not making an excuse for himself.  I am sure he had a headache and the last thing he wanted to do was be out there but he did it.  Hopefully this trend will continue but right now I'm happy with the small victories.

spring!

We are having a beautiful spring day in western Washington so what better time to talk ab out my spring/summer wardrobe.  We were hoping to be in Arizona by now so I bought a bunch of stuff to prepare for that...ugh.

First here are my Old Navy finds, I love Old Navy this season.  I just wish they were a bit more consistent with cute clothes because I really hate spending what other store charge for clothes.

I'm wearing this one today, I want the other two colors because I love it so much.  I'm going to wait for them to go on sale for that.

I'll wear this under something, I have Oprah arms.  I've also been stocking up on the wife beaters tanks that have little flowers or other embellishment on them when those go on sale, I don't think I spent more than $4 on any and I have about 7 of them.

 

How cute is this skirt?  I can't wait for the eather to allow me to wear it.  And it's so flippen comfortable!

 

 These are super cute and since I have arch issues when my foot is flat wearing my old standard flipflops will just hurt me.  Good news, my arches are great when my heal is elevated so cute wedges are the perfect answer.  (Doc thinks I look like "the chick from weeds" in these.

 

 This isn't the color I bought but they don't have it online, I have this top in coral with white polka dots.  Even Doc said it was cute and that's something!







Next up New York & Co.I went in during a buy one get one half off sale and on top of that I got my military discount.

And few skirts from Forever21, it's not easy to find things there that don't show all of the goods.

I don't know how much wear I'll get out of this but it's really cute and came with a little belt.

This one isn't as short as it looks and I decided to go without the thigh highs.








So that's pretty much it.  Now we just need the weather to cooperate!

that's swaggy

I've had my Swagbucks banner on my blog for a while now so it's about time I tell you about it.  Before I get started I just want to say that I'm not getting anything special from Swagbucks for this post but like many reward programs if you sign up from one of my links I will also get up to 1000 swagbucks when you earn them.

Basically you can earn SB by using the SB search engine, once in a while you will win free SB (I won 50 one time).  I'm not going to lie, the search engine isn't as good as google, it seems it's more of a sponsored search but I rarely have trouble finding what I'm searching for.  There are other ways to earn SB, you can install their toolbar and fill out the daily poll (one SB a day for using the toolbar one for the daily poll).  There are surveys that you may qualify for which can get you 50-150.  You can also watch videos and earn them randomly while you do that.  I don't do that much but I do play the games quite a bit, I usually get 2 SB for every other game I play.  You can also get 2 SB for every dollar you spend from many websites if you enter the site from the SB website.

Now what do these swagbucks get you?  Gift cards!  I saved 5700 and got a $50 Southwest gift card and now I am 1000 SB away from another gift card.  If I wanted to use SB for amazon gift cards I could have gotten $125.  Not a bad gig.  So that's it, I was a little skeptical at first but I'm a true swag believer.

If you want to join and let me make SB while you make them (up to 1000) please use one of the links in my blog, K thanks!

a weaning update

Nursing on the plane back from MA in June.

This whole post is going to be about no longer breastfeeding, if that doesn't interest you feel free to check back in next time.  I promise, I wont be offended.

Tomorrow at 5AM it will be a week since I last nursed my beautiful little girl.  I am still a bit heartbroken about the whole thing, for at least 9 months it was my breast milk that was her main source of nutrients.  Around 9 months she started showing more interest in the fruits and veggies we were offering but still relied on me for most of her food.  Around 11 months she started eating meat and our nursing sessions started to dwindle.  We were still nursing 3-7 times a day when we stopped.

I'm fight tears even typing this, I think it's a fight I'm going to lose.

I wanted to nurse so much longer than 13.25 months.  I wanted to do it as long as she wanted to which I thought would be 1.5-2 years. 

The first few days were OK, we had been weaning most of the mid day feeding so I didn't get very uncomfortable until Tuesday night.  My boobs have been huge!  When running I've been wearing two bras so I don't bounce all over the place, but since they are so hard and full that's not really an issue.  I bet it looks like I have really bad implants.  

By yesterday I was is so much pain that TC climbing on me brought me to tears.  That's the reason I decided to take a hot bath yesterday afternoon, I expelled some milk which helped for a few hours but by last night I was dieing.  I decided to pump, for relief and to be sure I didn't have clogged ducts.  I pumped until I was deflated and only got 2 ounces.  I thought it was weird because I was painfully full but glad because it most mean my supply really is diminishing.  It also felt god to give TC a sippy cup with fresh breast milk and she was so happy to drink it.  Today I am feeling OK, the tissue is still sore but I am not engorged again.

TC is taking it as well as can be expected.  It breaks my heart to have to distract her.  We nursed on demand her whole life, when ever she wanted it she got it.  Now I do a lot of distracting and she's had more handfuls of Cheerios than ever before.  She's had a fever and cold these last few days so has really wanted to nurse but I just can't.  (I still have scabs on my nipple.)  There have also been nights that I've woken up and wanted to sneak into her room, wake her up and nurse her.

I miss it so much, I miss staring into her eyes.  I miss going her something that no one else can.  I miss our skin on skin time.  I miss my baby.  But I don't miss the stress on being bitten so hard that I bleed.  I don't miss my IUD, I haven't started Nuvaring yet, I want to let my body rest for a minute but I just feel free to not have that thing hanging out in my uterus.  On and my always perky nipples seem to be going back to normal!

So that's it, if you have any questions about breastfeeding or weaning please leave me a comment or send me an email. 

is there an app for that?

Yesterday started off as a pretty good day, TC and I were out of the house by 9:30, she was happy and I didn't feel like a stuffed sausage in my clothes.  Really there isn't much more I can ask for.  We spent the morning running errands shopping including driving up to the Tacoma Mall, it's not that far but with gas prices what they are and me driving a 20 mpg SUV I'm stingy with my miles.  It was one of those mornings that everything just came together, she was happy in the ergo carrier all throughout Best Buy, she napped up to Tacoma and a little after I parked (times like those are why I LOVE having my iPhone).  She was wonderful throughout the mall as well.  All that and I was home in time for Days of Our Lives!

That's when my day went to the shitter.  I got home and plugged my phone into my iMac and nothing.  I plugged it into the wall charger and nothing.  I plugged it into the speaker dock in TC's room and it saw my phone but didn't charge it.  I was freaking out, my warranty ended last month and I didn't extend it.  I tried all the tricks on every website google could find and nothing. 

Doc called me while I was in super panic mode and he was having a bit of an issue himself so he really didn't care that my phone was going to die and be gone forever.  But his problem was a "this might happen so now I'm going to be a dick thinking about the possibility" type of thing.  I told him not to worry about it because we don't know for sure so there is no use in getting sick about it now.  He was hell bent on making himself miserable.  I tried to talk to him but he just sat there.  I finally decided that I was going to drive back up to Tacoma to the Apple store to see what they could do.  After that I had plans to get drinks with a friend.  I asked him if he was sure that he didn't mind that I was going out.  He said it was fine.

Silly me, I was supposed to read his mind and know that by saying he was fine he meant that I should stay home and coddle him.

I left, the guys at the Apple store were fantastic, unfortunately he couldn't fix my phone but he decided to give me a brand new one!  I was so excited, I cried a little.  I was out of warranty so he really could have just tried to sell me a new battery.  I don't know why good things happen to me but I'm not about to complain about it (and I back my phone up every day so I didn't really lose much).  I texted Doc what happened and he texted back "no dinner?".  Me going out wasn't a surprise, I made sure it was cool with him about a week ago.  No I am not going to make you dinner and not be around to eat it.  Maybe that makes me a bad wife but I don't care, he's a grown man and surely he wouldn't starve. 

I just don't get it, why can't I do anything right?  And what did he really want from me?  If I didn't go out he would have sat there like a lump not saying anything and I would have been miserable.  It reminded me of the series finally of Sex and the City when Carrie is in Paris with the Russian and she finally has plans after weeks of isolation but the Russian has an anxiety attack and guilts her into blowing off her plans to tag along with him.  She goes with him and he ditches her right away and she's left with nothing.  I'm done with that.  I hadn't been out in forever and I really needed to see this friend.

When I got home he wouldn't talk to me.  I told him he was being unreasonable and next time he shouldn't expect me to read his mind.  We woke up this morning and he was still pissed, TC had a fever and all he had to say offer was criticisms of how I was feeding her.  When he came back from work he was still pissed.  It took him a few hours to let it go but he still thinks I did something wrong. 

I took a bath this afternoon and I lost it.  I had a big old ugly cry.  I don't remember the last time I cried about his injuries.  I just miss who he was, I miss who we were.  I want to be treated like a human again, I want him to see my contributions and appreciate me again.  The worst thing is that it may never come back.  This might just be it.  I love him, I promise I do but days like today I ask myself again, how much do I have to take?  What is the breaking point?

When I was in the apple store I should have asked about an app for reading the mind of a TBI victim.

Fill in Friday

 Linking up with Fill in Friday over at Wife of a Sailor

1. What are some  of your ideas for staying connected with family…you know, those people we moved thousands of miles away from? 
Facebook.  Some of my family Skypes but most don't.
 
2. What’s the most romantic gift you have GIVEN? 
I have no idea, I am not big on romance, that gushy stuff is not my style.  (I'm about to get crass so feel free to jump to the next question if that's not your style) I remember telling a friend to sit on her boyfriend's face my freshman year of college, does that count? ( I warned you)
3. Would you encourage your child, if they came to you and wanted to join the military?  I will encourage my child in whatever she wants to do as long as she has the right reasons to want to do them.

4. What is your least favorite bill to pay and why? 
Student loans because no matter how much I pay they never seems to go down.
5. What is the proudest moment you’ve had as a military spouse?
hmmm, I think the day he came back from his first deployment.  It felt good to know that I could thrive on my own 3000 miles from home. 
 

almost wordless Wednesday

 

 

The rolling hills on my running route, I know they don't look like much but they are a bitch and are worse when I have to push the jogging stroller up and down them.  Add the super long slow rising hill at the very end of my rout...stupid hilly Washington.

on hold, again

Yesterday Doc went back to work after leave and called down to Yuma to see if there was any information about the job.  There was, but it's not what we wanted to hear.  They no longer have a time table for the position, I guess there is a new Sergent Major and this position isn't high on his list of priorities.  Ugh!

After hearing this Doc decided to look into more TBI treatment and today he sent a packet to a place in Texas.  We should know soon if they can take him and he could be gone in just a few weeks.  I don't know much about this place but in the first few weeks they decide how long he would stay.  It could be up to 12 weeks.  I am so glad that he's still looking to get better but the selfish part of me thinks 12 weeks is kind of a long time (it's about how long his deployments were).  I do really hope he gets to do it and hope even more that it helps.

In other news, I was googling a screen name that I use often and found that someone was using my old blog header on her myspace page as a graphic.  It kind of pissed me off, these are my random rants lady at least ask before you grab (or be smart and save it to your own photobucket account)!

Tomorrow morning I am having my IUD removed, I'm super nervous, I have no idea what to expect.  Hopefully it will be quick and easy.  I think I'm going to lay off the BC for a few months to let my body sync back up - woo hoo condoms again....(did you catch the sarcasm in that?)

back at it

I have finally started the Couch 2 5K again.  I feel like I want to jump to week 3 but I need to follow the doctor's orders and start slow.  It went really well, the latest iPhone update deleted my play list which really bummed me out so I had to spend my warm up quickly throwing some songs on there, it wasn't the end of the world but I had the perfect running mix with rock, pop, house and rap.  Looks like I'll have to work on that before my next run on Wednesday.  Oh and another good thing, my sister is doing it too back home on her treadmill.  Those of you who have been around for a while know we are very competitive so it will be a good way to make sure we keep it up.  So far I'm winning, my run was 2.4 mi with a run pace of 11:15/mi and a walking pace of 14:23.  I burned 237 calories.

On top of that I started working out with Your Fitness on xBox Kinect, it seems OK but I like how EA Sports Active had the workout plans preset for each day but I'm going to try to keep an open mind.

Basically I'm sick of being a fat ass and I'm going to change it.  I'm calling tomorrow to have my IUD removed, I'm not breastfeeding anymore so I can get back on Nuvaring, I hope that I lose a few pounds once that thing is gone.  Weight gain isn't the only reason I'm switching it up, I hate thinking I'm pregnant every month and with Nuvaring I can pick if I want to have a period.

One more fun change VODKA!  I enjoy a drink, usually a glass of wine or a beer (or 2) but those calories add up so a little vodka Crystal Light drink will do the trick.  And I love Svedka, it's like $10 a bottle on post and super good - what's better than that?

Anyway, I'm excited about all of this.  I'll keep you updated with my progress.

And for fun, I picked up TC's old timey photos today.  My kid is so cute.

 

it was a good run

I've been trying to wean TC from the boob for a while.  She's not really a fan of whole milk yet so I figured we would just nurse for a while longer, it really wasn't a big deal.  All of that was until a few weeks ago when she really started biting hard.  Nursing became nerve wracking, always waiting for her sharp little teeth to let me know she was done. 

This morning at 5AM I made the decision, no more.

I went in to feed her and she bit me hard enough to draw a good amount of blood.  I wanted to make it at least 6 months, my goal was a year well I'm happy to say we made it 13 months and one week exactly. 

Today was hard, there were a few times when I could tell she really wanted to nurse but she had some whole milk and wasn't hungry so I just tried to comfort her when she did that and, I'm sorry to say, offer her more healthy snacks.  Mango is no breast milk but she seemed to enjoy the distraction. 

It's been 16.5 hours and I'm doing OK, giving up nursing is emotional and for mostly selfish reasons.  It was the one thing that only I, as her mother, could do.  Now I'm just like anyone else.  Well I know that's not true but it's how I feel.  Since we haven't been nursing much I'm hoping that I wont get too uncomfortable and I pray that my boobs don't drop to my knees but I'll keep you updated.