ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Cue the violins....

I may go in my yard and let out the scream for real. It all seems too much.

D is out of the hospital and according to her facebook is doing well.

Doc had his scan last night and we are waiting to hear results. The PA at his work didn't see any bleeds but he is waiting for someone trained to read them to check it out. He has to pick up a few prescriptions, I am not sure what they are yet. I hope they help his head and mood swings, I almost got my head bitten off when I suggested he changed a diaper at 6 this morning - apparently because I am not working my sleep means nothing.

My mom called last night to let me know that my stepfather had 2 appointments today, one to talk about replacing his pacemaker with a defibrillator and the other to discuss and schedule his triple bypass surgery. 4 years ago he had a mild heart attack and all these problems with his heart were discovered but he was uninsured and was told that there was nothing that could be done. We've been kind of waiting it out with him - a when's he going to die kind of thing. He's insured now and it seems he's now fixable. He's a tattoo artist and the defrib may make that impossible once it's in place - I pray that it doesn't, it's his life. (Maybe some of you around Ft. Campbell have met him.) I am still waiting for an update on these appointments.

My mom also told me that she hopes the surgery doesn't interfere with the Jimmy Buffet concert in May - apparently she spent over $300 on tickets. $300+ on concert tickets, this is the woman who was complaining that she can't afford to fly here to meet her granddaughter. I just found several flights less than $300 but I can't really be surprised about her priorities.

And finally TC is miserable today. Very gassy and not at all happy with eating. She just finally fell asleep for a nap, I wonder if it was the tacos I had for dinner last night.

what to do

My sister M just called me to tell me that D is in the hospital with a possible appendicitis. I guess D called M ad M decided to call me so that I don't see it on facebook. Seems seeing it on FB is what D really wanted though because she posted it before I heard from M (I didn't see it though). Calling M is totally out of character for D, we don't all get along - seems that she is really bent on keeping this not talking thing going.

Now the dilemma, do I acknowledge it? She still hasn't made any effort for anything since the shit show that was TC birthday. I just don't know what I am expected to do, as easily as I could call her she could have called me. Ugh, life is so much easier when people get along.

I didn't mean it

TC seems to prefer me at the moment. It's really just because I have the food and I'm the one always with her but I still feel bad. I know it breaks Doc's heart but there really isn't much we can do about it right now. I know that when she is older she's going to be a total Daddy's girl and I will be the mean one but until then I guess we'll have to deal with it. I didn't pump today because of what happened yesterday. I am sure it was just her being fussy and they 2 have nothing to do with each other but I didn't want to take any chances. She did sleep pretty well last night which made me very happy.

Doc finally has his CT scan tomorrow (I know, I keep calling it MRI and CT scan - I really have no idea what the difference is). We are both nervous about what they might find but I just want to know either way. It's a weird thought that my husband was hurt on deployment and when I think about what could have happened...well I don't want to go there. Any thoughts and prayers for an "all clear" are appreciated. His appointment is at 7PM so I wont have any info tomorrow but I will keep you posted.

checking in

There isn't much going on here, day and night seem the same...feed the baby, change the baby, try to sleep, pretend the house is clean. Today has been a little different, I got my pump all ready and tried that out and TC got her first bottle. It kind of broke my heart and to make it worse she's been a crying mess ever since! I don't know if one thing has anything to do with the other but now all she wants to do is nurse.

I have a feeling it's going to be a long night.

TC & Doc update

I guess I should have been more clear with my last post, we are still having TC sleep in our room at night but during the day we are going to try to have her nap in our room as well. I wish she would sleep more at night but she's not even 2 weeks old yet so I will just deal. We plan on having her in our bedroom until she sleeps through the night at that point we get our bedroom back and TC sleeps in her crib. We tried introducing a soothie yesterday, she took it for a little while but was kind of pissed of that there was no milk coming out of it.

Everything else is going well, Doc hasn't played xBox hockey since TC was born and if you've been following for a while you know what a surprise this is. He likes to be in the same room as TC and me. He still hasn't been able to schedule his MRI, the order has been placed and he calls the appointment line and never gets a call back, it's been going on forever and is getting ridiculous. He's still dealing with what is most defiantly post concussion syndrome which brings him horrible headaches and irritability, he's got swelling around his spine which is keeping him from working out and he's showing signs of a TBI. The good thing that has come from this is that since he is still hurt he can't go to the school he was scheduled to go to at the end of the month, instead he will be going to WLC (the E-5 school, another school he needs) and that is done here at Ft. Lewis, hopefully when that is done he will be well enough for the next school. Of course this isn't making everyone happy, he's getting crap about his injuries. Had he allowed them to medevac him like they wanted to no one would be questioning him but he didn't want to leave his guys with no medic (which would have kept them from running missions) so he stuck it out - if he's ever injured on a combat mission again he will not do the same. It's so frustrating, he tries to do the right thing and always gets shit for it.

I think the problem is the guys on Rear D have nothing better to do so they are picking on whoever they can.

I'm there

It took me about a week to really get what everyone tells you about loving your child but I get it now. It's not that I didn't love her before, I loved her from the moment that pee stick said pregnant but it wasn't that oh-my-god-how-did-I-exist-without-you love. Her birth came so quickly I never really wrapped my mind around what was happening, it seemed like one moment we were in the car on the way to the hospital and the next moment I was hearing her cry. That followed by the family drama and a little trouble feeding and I was sure that I was going to suck at this motherhood stuff.

Today we started having her nap in the bedroom, she needs to get used to sleeping in there and maybe she will sleep better at night. Well let me tell you it broke my heart for her to be down the hall where I couldn't see her! I just want her with me all the time! I want her to open her eyes and see me every time she wakes up. I know I sound like a lunatic but I can't help it. So yea, I get it now - she is amazing and I can't imagine life without her.

Now some random things that I think are kind of funny:

-The gate guards who checked our IDs the morning we went to the hospital wished us good luck, I guess I had that "hurry up I'm having a baby" look about me

-After my epidural and I lost control of pretty much everything below my waist I farted and it was loud, and long, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Seriously, it lasted about 40 seconds and the nurse was in the room, we all just laughed and I appologized a few times - Doc said it was one of the longest he's ever heard.

-The doctor came in to check me and when he lifted the blanket my masterpiece stunk up the room. There is nothing ladylike about giving birth!

-TC is hairy! Yes she has hair on her head but she also has hairy shoulders and a hairy behind. I guess it's going to fall out (I hope) and I have been debating taking pictures of it to show her dates when she is 16.

-She farts like, well I guess like her mother. It's amazing the noises that come out of this little person. I had no idea that a baby's fart could sound like a fog horn!

my little Valentine

First of all thank you all for the wonderful comments about my crazy family, I still haven't heard a peep from D (yup she's my sister and seems to always be competing with me), I included her on the distribution list for the update blog for the family, that would have been a great opportunity for her to extend the olive branch. I am tempted to just tell her to forget it all so I can have my sister back but Doc thinks it's important that I stand my ground on this, he's sick of seeing me get walked all over.

Doc is working staff duty today (the 4th time he's had to go in to work during the first 5 days of his 10 day leave) so I am spending the day with the most adorable valentine in the world.

She didn't nap at all today and wanted to be held all day, awesome. It's not like we got a lot of sleep last night, a few hours here and there, she didn't want to be put down. She a good breast feeder so I'm thinking about trying a pacifier at night since she seems content just to have the boob even when she's not eating. I'm really scared to do this so I am going to hold off as long as possible but I really need to get some sleep at night if she wont let me nap during the day.

As for me, I've lost over 20lbs and still have about 15 to go for my pre-pregnancy weight, 20-25 if I want to get back to where I like me to be. I just started light workouts yesterday on my Wii Fit and that bitch told me that I'm overweight. I'm not going to be too hard on myself if it takes a while. I am still held together with stitches so I might wait a week before I hit the elliptical hard, I just don't want to be asked when I'm due again next time I am out without TC - it didn't bother me but I felt bad for the poor woman who asked only to find out I had a 5 day old!

dear iphone...

Why isn't there an app for blocking drunk calls from my mother? I know she called D a retard then I think she called me one...maybe. She then said she's glad that my daughter...that's when she either passed out or came to her senses and hung up, my guess is the former.

At least a hour before this she apologized for being a D-bag last week, she must have only been buzzed at that point.

leave it to my family (long)

I mentioned that there was drama with my family on TC birthday, I still have not spoken to D since. It is all so ridiculous and I can't believe that it happened and what's more that my sister, my best friend, is willing to just write me off because of it.

She wanted me to let her know first when I was going into the hospital so around 3:30AM my time as I was running around my house getting everything together, before I even called L&D, I called D and let her know I was going in. I told her I would let her know what's going on as soon as I could. We got through triage and all was going well. After I got to my room and got the epidural I got on my iPhone and updated facebook and everyone started talking on my status update and everything seemed good. After I posted I was 9cm I really needed to sleep so I posted that I was signing off. Normal people would take that as a woman in labor needing to focus on the task at hand, normal people...

My phone kept beeping and messages were coming through as I was trying to focus on my contractions so Doc turned it off. While I was on my side trying not to think about my baby's heart rate dropping to 60 one of the doctor's pagers went off, she was ignoring it and then the phone in the room rang and Doc only answered it because it might be for the doctor but it was D! Calling to find out what was going on because she hadn't heard anything...WTF? Never in my life have I ever heard of someone doing this! I was only in labor for 5.5 hours total, it's not like I went all day without calling. We have 6 nieces and nephews, it's not new to her. Doc told her that I was kind of busy at the moment and he had to go and hung up. I could hear her being a bitch through the phone and I couldn't believe she would call and be so rude so I started to cry. Not what I needed to be doing, I needed to focus on getting the baby out and there I was crying.

Fast forward about an hour, TC was here and Doc was running around with 3 cameras (phone, digi cam, flip cam) trying to capture everything. He called his sister and his grandparents and let them know she was here, I was still being stitched up and was trying to wrap my mind around what was going on and was in no position to call anyone yet - I hadn't even held my daughter yet! I was not making any calls until I was in my recovery room.

The first call I did make was to D and I let her know that I was not really happy with her at the moment and she stated screaming at me, seriously screaming that I had not kept her updated enough and that things can happen during labor and blah blah. I think that if I had died or something happened to the baby she would have been called right away. I told her I really didn't need this right now and hung up the phone. And again I was crying, not exactly how I thought I would be spending that day. Once I composed myself I spoke to my brother and gave him all the info, 7.5lbs, 19 inches and all that then he asked to talk to Doc, I thought that was nice he was going to congratulate him. Man was I wrong, he yelled at Doc for not calling them! This was not more than 2 hours after TC was born. I wanted to be the one to call my family wanted to share the excitement with them, it's not Doc's job to do so. Of course he called his family, they are just as related to TC as my family.

I called my stepmother and confirmed what I thought happened, I guess Doc's sister posted "happy birthday" on my facebook wall and my sister took exception feeling left out that she knew before her. She went batshit crazy and called my mother in hysterics because I obviously didn't care to call her then called my brother and got him worked up and then called my stepmother and she tried to talk some sense into them. I guess my brother realized that he was out of line as he should, he's got 2 kids, he knows what it's like but he's not going to give Doc the apology he deserves. As for D, when I talked to my mother she said that D still thinks she was totally justified and isn't going to apologize either so I haven't spoken to her since. It breaks my heart, she is missing out because TC is amazing. My mom tried to take her side too, not knowing any of the facts (D tends to leave those out when they don't support her irrational thoughts) so I had to stop her and get off the phone with her too but she called the next day and we were able to move past it, I wish D had the same ability.

Let's say that Doc and I were in the wrong (which we weren't) they should have waited a few days and talked to us like adults about it. Now when I think about TC's birthday this is always going to be in the back of my mind and to be honest, I am still heart broken.

my baby

We just got home this afternoon, it's been a long weekend! Here is the long story:

Thursday night I decided I had enough got some castor oil, worst case scenario it doesn't work and I spend the night in and out of the bathroom. I am not saying it's the only reason I went into labor but I am now a believer.

I drank the wonderful mix of nasty oil and OJ around 7PM and went on with my night, other than a little gas and one bathroom trip nothing really happen. We went to bed around midnight and I woke up at 3 (as I do every night) to pee and I realized I was having contractions.  I freaked out to see they were like 3 minutes apart! I got up get the phone number for L&D when I felt a gush of fluid. After a quick run to the bathroom I yelled in to Doc, "hurry up, we've got to go." We got to the hospital and they checked me and I was 5cm so no matter what I was staying! It seemed that my water was intact but probably sprung a leak on the top. By this time I was in so much pain I could hardly take it, as soon as they said I would be admitted they started getting things ready for my epidural, bless those people! Too bad I didn't get it before I threw up from the pain.

We got into the delivery room and the anesthesiologist was right behind us, I was so nervous about this but it was nothing at all and a few contractions later life was good. It was about 5 or 6AM I guess and I sent Doc home to let Moses out and grab a few things and while he was gone I was checked again and I was at 9cm!! I called Doc and told him to get his butt back. Over the next few hours we tried to sleep and wait for Teagan to move down a bit. Suddenly they told me that we were going to do some practice pushes and we started. It was totally crazy, I was still in disbelief that we were having a baby! She moved down quickly and after 5.5 hours of labor and about an hour of pushing (which really sounds a lot worse than it really was) she was here.

The cord was wrapped around her neck so it got a bit dicey towards the end with her heart rate dipping to 60 with contractions. They had me on my side between contractions and finally I had to wear an oxygen mask. She was fine, the doctors were quick to help her (which unfortunately left me with a 2nd degree tear but well worth it).

It was great, recovery is going well and she's doing a great job feeding. My family did cause me A LOT of unnecessary drama which I will fill you in on later, we aren't letting that ruin our memories of such an amazing day.



 

Today it is updates to come

I tricked my iPhone and can post in HTML. Castor oil last night with no bad side effects. Up to pee at 3 and had ctx 3 min apart. Drugs are working and I'm scared and excited.

2 babies (no not twins)

I got my induction date today...Feb 10th! So far away. Hopefully she will come on her own before but who knows.

Who is the other baby? Doc. He's been having head aches which seems to be post concision syndrome and will hopefully go away, he finally called about an MRI today so we are waiting for a call back. I think he thinks not feeling well gives him license to be an ass. We just got back from BestBuy and he got some fancy headset for his xBox and I guess the cat spilled water on the couch where he was sitting and he freaked out. Yelled at me because she's my cat and tossed the couch cousins all over the room (spilling the dog's water so a bit counter productive). Then he yelled at me to clean it up, yea I don't think so. If you see the cat close to a glass of water move it next time!

I let him know that I don't care if his head hurts he does not talk to me like that and maybe next time he can have a more appropriate reaction to a little spilled water. He apologized and said he didn't know what got into him. He can't act like this, we are about to have a baby and I am going to need a teammate not an opponent. But what's more, I can't be afraid of his reactions to things.

This is not him and I pray that he snaps out of it soon, I really can not take this extra stress.

sisters, ugh

D texted me today asking me questions about a possible induction, I told her I had no real information other than that it had been discussed. Like I told her a week ago I will let her know anything if there is anything to be reported. I think she was pissed because she saw it on a Facebook post to another friend. The truth is there is really nothing exciting abut this, overdue women get induced. Then she asked if my stepmother called me. I told her she called last week but I never called back. The truth is with the time difference I never remember, either I think about it and she's at work or it's too late in Boston. But the other reason is, I really don't want to be on the phone having the dreaded conversation...yes I feel like shit, yes I am ready to have this baby, yes 3 different men had their fingers in my vagina in less than 12 hours (and none off them bought me a drink!), yes it sucks.

She comes back with "we just love you and want to know how you're doing blah blah blah..." I know that and I am not trying to push anyone away and once TC is here it will be nothing but phone calls and celebrations but until that happens I need to keep my stress level as low as possible and guilt trips from family is not the way to do that. It is hard enough doing this so far away, why can't people just understand that I am doing the best I can?

I wish my dad was still alive, he is the one person I would want to talk to about this stuff (well maybe not the internal exams) but he would know how to make me feel better.

ouchie!

We were up all night, with contractions 5 minutes apart. At mid night we went to Wal-mart to walk around and decided to head into L&D around 1 just to see what's going on. the monitored me but gave us the option to head home since we live so close. We got home around 4 and I went to bed, Doc just waited and went to work.

I woke up to no contractions then had my 40 appointment at 2 and still no change. He stripped my membranes and we are hoping that will do something. He said I am ready and feels comfortable recommending me for an induction before 41 weeks. If I don't go on my own soon I really hope they can get me in, I am an emotional mess at this point and all this stress is really getting to me. I cried this morning when I stubbed my toe and I have not been an emotional pregnant lady at all.

It's bad, I'm no longer thinking about the baby as much as I am just not being pregnant.

I think it might be the night...

if not tonight maybe tomorrow but it feels like something serious is happening. To pass the time I will answer your questions (while I watch The Bachelor - hopefully he takes his shirt off haha).

Sheize asked:
I know that you say that your life is not defined by Doc's job, but how has your life changed for the good or bad since dealing with deployments?
I've always been independent but when dealing with deployments you need to take it to the next level. I had to be stronger than I had ever been. I wouldn't say life changed but I did, I learned to depend on myself. Now there are 2 versions of me, the me when he's home and the me when he's away and I'm OK with that. Once the baby comes I am sure I wont be as hard when he's gone but we'll have to wait to seen.

The Mrs. in Stilettos asked a few:
What are you most looking forward to with having the time to be at home with the little one?
I am excited to see what kind of mother I will be. I have all these ideas about what I want to do and how I want to react but I wont know until I'm in the situation. Oh, and of course looking forward to getting to know TC and all that fun stuff :)

What worries you the most about being a first time mom?
I'm very nervous that I am going to some how really hurt or kill her once Doc leaves. I know it's crazy but I can't help it. That and I am super nervous about postpartum depression, I battle with anxiety as it is and I am nervous that it will really be a problem.

How many children do you want?
After being pregnant, one! But we've always said 2 so I may change my mind in a few years.

What are you looking forward to doing for YOU in the near future?
For me??? Well if I am not having a baby tomorrow I'm getting my toes done again. If I am having a baby tomorrow I will be enjoying a Guinness in a few days...we just stocked up :)

Where would you most want to be stationed?
I wouldn't mind going back to Bragg but NOT living in Fayetteville. It was so easy to live 12 hours from home, that's a hop in the car in the morning and I'm home that night. Doc and I have been talking about him making some career changes so that may actually happen.

JG asked:
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be Angela Bower from Who's the Boss, own an ad agency. I went to an amazing business school and majored in marketing. I never got in to advertising but I did have some great jobs in my field before I got married. In WA my jobs have been marketing but they weren't on the same level as the jobs in RI.

Let me know if you have any more, but I am really hoping that I wont be on here fr the next few days.