31 October 2012
30 October 2012
getting there
Today was such a good day, after a horrible night last night it was needed. Doc seems to be heading down the mountain of recovery, the dermatologist thinks he still has a few weeks until he's back to normal but the worst is behind him. Today he didn't nap once and he even was able to play with the kids! I am very hopeful for trick or treating tomorrow.
On top of getting over all of this illness he's also coming off all of the medication at the same time. As I said yesterday, Cymbalta is what he reacted to which is an antidepressant - anyone who has been on one of those knows that even weaning can be horrible, cold turkey is just dangerous. It's nuts, he could have died, he did everything the doctors said to do and still he could have been horrible.
We are so bless, so so blessed. I am hopeful that we are over the worst of it as a family as well. Doc took his puffy self into the office today and the commander and smag got to see just how bad he is and how important it really is that he is somewhere that he can get the complete treatment he needs. Doc said he thinks it really lit a fire under some asses, there are folks dragging their feet. He's been home for 3 weeks and not one step has been made to get us out.
In other news, this image just gets me. A nurse manually breathing for a baby from the NICU in NYU hospital during the storm last night. Bless her and the others like her. Nurses, for all you do, thanks.
On top of getting over all of this illness he's also coming off all of the medication at the same time. As I said yesterday, Cymbalta is what he reacted to which is an antidepressant - anyone who has been on one of those knows that even weaning can be horrible, cold turkey is just dangerous. It's nuts, he could have died, he did everything the doctors said to do and still he could have been horrible.
We are so bless, so so blessed. I am hopeful that we are over the worst of it as a family as well. Doc took his puffy self into the office today and the commander and smag got to see just how bad he is and how important it really is that he is somewhere that he can get the complete treatment he needs. Doc said he thinks it really lit a fire under some asses, there are folks dragging their feet. He's been home for 3 weeks and not one step has been made to get us out.
In other news, this image just gets me. A nurse manually breathing for a baby from the NICU in NYU hospital during the storm last night. Bless her and the others like her. Nurses, for all you do, thanks.
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29 October 2012
ugh
I will be back soon, I promise. Doc and I saw a commercial for Cymbalta and they listed the side effects to look out for if you're having a major reaction and it was basically a play by play of when he has been dealing with.
Right now his while face is swollen and he wont leave the house. Poor guy, I felt that way though my pregnancies but I had no choice but to be a member of society. He said today that he looks like Country Bear, I lost it, he's so right. I wish I could show you but I respect him too much to do that.
I really hope he better to come trick or treating with us, it's so fun on post and this is probably our last chance here.
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nausea, pain in your upper stomach, itching, loss of appetite, dark
urine, clay-colored stools, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes);
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feeling like you might pass out;
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agitation, hallucinations, fever, fast heart rate, overactive reflexes;
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very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors;
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easy bruising, unusual bleeding;
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painful or difficult urination;
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headache, trouble concentrating, memory problems, weakness, feeling
unsteady, loss of coordination, fainting, seizure, shallow breathing or
breathing that stops; or
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severe skin reaction:- fever, sore throat, swelling in your face or
tongue, burning in your eyes, skin pain, followed by a red or purple
skin rash that spreads (especially in the face or upper body) and causes
blistering and peeling.
Right now his while face is swollen and he wont leave the house. Poor guy, I felt that way though my pregnancies but I had no choice but to be a member of society. He said today that he looks like Country Bear, I lost it, he's so right. I wish I could show you but I respect him too much to do that.
I really hope he better to come trick or treating with us, it's so fun on post and this is probably our last chance here.
26 October 2012
turned a corner
Doc woke up yesterday his skin worse that ever so it was back to the doctor we went. This time they decided to send him for a emergency dermatologist appointment. It is super scary when your husband starts to look purple, I called him Grimace and he had some not nice words to me in return. Oops, I thought it was funny.
I didn't take him to the dermatologist so I am not exactly sure what went on there but they did a biopsy and this doctor seems to think that what we are dealing with is, in fact, a reaction to his medication. Yet another reason it's important that we are moved to a place where he can be in the care of his long term doctors *cough, cough*. Well he left there with a shot in the ass, some creams and steroids to help push the reaction out (or something, I have no idea how it works).
Today he has been so much better. I would say he's at 60%, at his worst with all of this he was around 10%. Now that things are calming down it's hitting me that this could have been really really bad. I am just so glad that he's going to make a full recovery. He's been home for a few weeks but I am still (not so patiently) waiting for him to really be back with me.
I know people have their issues with Tri-Care but I am so glad that we have them, all of these worries and not once did I have to stress about how much him being sick is going to cost us.
Once I hear that the biopsy is negative I will finally be able to breath easy.
I didn't take him to the dermatologist so I am not exactly sure what went on there but they did a biopsy and this doctor seems to think that what we are dealing with is, in fact, a reaction to his medication. Yet another reason it's important that we are moved to a place where he can be in the care of his long term doctors *cough, cough*. Well he left there with a shot in the ass, some creams and steroids to help push the reaction out (or something, I have no idea how it works).
Today he has been so much better. I would say he's at 60%, at his worst with all of this he was around 10%. Now that things are calming down it's hitting me that this could have been really really bad. I am just so glad that he's going to make a full recovery. He's been home for a few weeks but I am still (not so patiently) waiting for him to really be back with me.
I know people have their issues with Tri-Care but I am so glad that we have them, all of these worries and not once did I have to stress about how much him being sick is going to cost us.
Once I hear that the biopsy is negative I will finally be able to breath easy.
24 October 2012
hanging in there
I was right (der) and Doc has West Nile Virus. It is miserable, the poor guy is just hurting - bad. He can barely do anything and it's been like this pretty much since he got home. He could be like this for another week or more. I feel for the guy I do but now I have 3 babies to take care of!
In other news, I was talking to another woman here and she said that when a soldier had to leave for medical reason he was gone about 2 weeks after the ball started rolling. Can you imagine?! I am trying hard not to get ahead of myself but the thought of possibly going back home has me positively giddy.
And for fun, the girls had to dress up for MOPS today so I got them dressed up. Unfortunately I measured TC's skirt without her diaper on and cloth diapers are pretty damn thick so I has to scramble to sew on a new button because apparently we are too cool to own safety pins. Then I had walked into MOPS thinking I was 15 minutes late but I was an hour and 15 minutes late. I think I get a pass for a few brain farts these days. But here are the girls in their costumes, I will have better pictures of Little A after Halloween but we were (super) late so this is the best I got.
In other news, I was talking to another woman here and she said that when a soldier had to leave for medical reason he was gone about 2 weeks after the ball started rolling. Can you imagine?! I am trying hard not to get ahead of myself but the thought of possibly going back home has me positively giddy.
And for fun, the girls had to dress up for MOPS today so I got them dressed up. Unfortunately I measured TC's skirt without her diaper on and cloth diapers are pretty damn thick so I has to scramble to sew on a new button because apparently we are too cool to own safety pins. Then I had walked into MOPS thinking I was 15 minutes late but I was an hour and 15 minutes late. I think I get a pass for a few brain farts these days. But here are the girls in their costumes, I will have better pictures of Little A after Halloween but we were (super) late so this is the best I got.
22 October 2012
1000
This will be my 1,000th published post. I think this is the longest "hobby" I've ever had. I put hobby in quotation marks because this has become so much more, this has become my safe place, my home away from home.
I wish I could do something epic like give away $1,000 to celebrate but I don't have $1,000 to give and that's not really my style.
1,000 posts ago, on February 16, 2008 I said this:
These nights are my favorite, hanging out on the couch with my husband
and my dog, sure we are both on our computers and barley talking to each
other but we are together. We can give each other those looks, the
looks that only mean something to the two of us. We can tickle each
other's feet when they wonder to our side of the couch. And the most
important thing is something that most people take for granted, we are
safe to spend another night.
In the upcoming weeks this will all be gone. My little bubble will be burst. I will still be on this couch and my dog will still be here but my husband will be off to the war. It is something that I knew would happen when we were married but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I have all the faith in the world that he will come back to me safe and sound but I am also well aware of the other possibilities.
The natural thing to do when faced with danger is to flee to safety but it is becoming more and more common place for women and men to say goodbye to our loved ones as they head to the eye of the storm. Many of us do this and each of our stories is different, this is my story.
I started out just wanted to document what I was going though, maybe make a few friends along the way. I had no idea how involved I would be come in the lives of so many and how so many would be involved in mine. I am so thankful that I decided to put myself out there that day, it's like I knew that the road would get rocky and I would need support. You all have given me that, the support I have needed and I can't thank you enough.
I will keep on going, sharing my crazy life and thoughts. If I can touch just one person, let one person know that they are not alone in this life it will all be worth it.
Thank you so much for allowing me into your life and sharing yours with me.
Crack open a box of wine and celebrate number 1000 with me.
I wish I could do something epic like give away $1,000 to celebrate but I don't have $1,000 to give and that's not really my style.
1,000 posts ago, on February 16, 2008 I said this:
This is for my own sanity.
In the upcoming weeks this will all be gone. My little bubble will be burst. I will still be on this couch and my dog will still be here but my husband will be off to the war. It is something that I knew would happen when we were married but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I have all the faith in the world that he will come back to me safe and sound but I am also well aware of the other possibilities.
The natural thing to do when faced with danger is to flee to safety but it is becoming more and more common place for women and men to say goodbye to our loved ones as they head to the eye of the storm. Many of us do this and each of our stories is different, this is my story.
I started out just wanted to document what I was going though, maybe make a few friends along the way. I had no idea how involved I would be come in the lives of so many and how so many would be involved in mine. I am so thankful that I decided to put myself out there that day, it's like I knew that the road would get rocky and I would need support. You all have given me that, the support I have needed and I can't thank you enough.
I will keep on going, sharing my crazy life and thoughts. If I can touch just one person, let one person know that they are not alone in this life it will all be worth it.
Thank you so much for allowing me into your life and sharing yours with me.
Crack open a box of wine and celebrate number 1000 with me.
21 October 2012
sick call
Well Doc came home from the hospital yesterday but we still have no idea what is going on. He still has a fever, it's a lot lower now but it's there. He is still covered in a rash and now is experiencing swollen glands in his groin. I just don't know.
What is it with my family? We don't get some frequent hospital bonus, we're not playin a "guess my illness" game. I'm over it, how about we don't see the inside of a hospital for quite some time.
Doctor Google is making me think that maybe he was West Nile so I will have to see if he was tested for that. My medical training stops at University Hospital in Salem (Days of Our Lives land) so I am really just pulling this out of my ass.
What is it with my family? We don't get some frequent hospital bonus, we're not playin a "guess my illness" game. I'm over it, how about we don't see the inside of a hospital for quite some time.
Doctor Google is making me think that maybe he was West Nile so I will have to see if he was tested for that. My medical training stops at University Hospital in Salem (Days of Our Lives land) so I am really just pulling this out of my ass.
20 October 2012
one year of flying with her own wings
We lost an amazing woman a year ago. A fellow blogger and army wife and friend.
Lola, I still think about you often and miss your fun outlook on life. You were an inspiration to me from the moment I started following along with you and even more so the last year of your life. You displayed class and perseverance, grit and grace.
I am so thankful that I got to share even just the small part of your life that I did, the impact you made is everlasting.
Thank you Lola, you will never be forgotten.
Lola, I still think about you often and miss your fun outlook on life. You were an inspiration to me from the moment I started following along with you and even more so the last year of your life. You displayed class and perseverance, grit and grace.
I am so thankful that I got to share even just the small part of your life that I did, the impact you made is everlasting.
Thank you Lola, you will never be forgotten.
19 October 2012
spent
My tank is empty, Doc is still at the hospital and no one is telling him what's going on. As of 1 this afternoon he hadn't even spoken to a doctor since last night. The nurse I talked to when I called was useless (not her fault, I appreciate nurses but I'm frustrated). I had the doctor here call the hospital to get some information. What I heard through my grapevine is that they think he's having a reaction to one of the many medications he was put on while at Walter Reed. He also said they may want to keep him overnight.
I told this to Doc and he had no idea. He's going crazy, he said he can lay in bed with an IV at home and he really could. I kind of feel bad for the nurses because Doc is not a good patient and then add the frustration and withdrawal from his meds...well yikes. He just spent 4 weeks away from home, he just wants to be back here.
I am just going through the motions, I didn't sleep last night I was so worried. I was more worried about him last night than I have ever been over any deployment. Today my house is still a total disaster and I have just enough in my tank to make sure the girls are happy and fed, if one stubs a toe I might just break down in a heap of coffee, diet coke, nutella and tears.
So the good news is that I don't have to worry that he's not going to make it home, the bad news is that he's still there and I have no idea when he'll be home.
I told this to Doc and he had no idea. He's going crazy, he said he can lay in bed with an IV at home and he really could. I kind of feel bad for the nurses because Doc is not a good patient and then add the frustration and withdrawal from his meds...well yikes. He just spent 4 weeks away from home, he just wants to be back here.
I am just going through the motions, I didn't sleep last night I was so worried. I was more worried about him last night than I have ever been over any deployment. Today my house is still a total disaster and I have just enough in my tank to make sure the girls are happy and fed, if one stubs a toe I might just break down in a heap of coffee, diet coke, nutella and tears.
So the good news is that I don't have to worry that he's not going to make it home, the bad news is that he's still there and I have no idea when he'll be home.
18 October 2012
more hospitals
Doc has had the flu for a few days, well we thought it was the flu. He finally went to the doctor today and I got a call from said doctor telling me that Doc is confused and he's concerned so he sent us to the ER for some blood work and other tests.
At the ER (with a 10 month old and 2.5 year old) they were more concerned about a rash Doc developed which has now taken over his entire body. I stayed as long as the girls allowed and we left. I figured I would make the long drive back to the hospital later in the day.
Doc has been admitted, they aren't really telling him anything. They have taken pictures of his rash. One good thing, his PTSD diagnosis is scoring him a private room. I told him that whatever he needs just let me know and I will drive it out to him but with this I still can't do anything right.
I know it's because he's sick but it hurts. Here I am worried out of my mind while putting on a brave face for the girls after 4 long weeks apart (which he didn't even mention - not a "good job while I was away" or a "thanks for handling ____ on your own"). I'm just tired and I want him to not take out that he's sick on me. If I could make him better I would, I would fix everything.
It's scary when your husband starts talking nonsense. Asks you where he is over and over, I told him we were at the hospital and he asked me why, did he not remember that he's sick. He told me his rash was from the North Koreans. He sounded like a little boy when he said "I just want to go home".
I just want him to be home too. I am sick of him being sick and and praying that whatever this is it goes as quickly as it came. I am all set with my husband being in hospitals, he's had enough.
At the ER (with a 10 month old and 2.5 year old) they were more concerned about a rash Doc developed which has now taken over his entire body. I stayed as long as the girls allowed and we left. I figured I would make the long drive back to the hospital later in the day.
Doc has been admitted, they aren't really telling him anything. They have taken pictures of his rash. One good thing, his PTSD diagnosis is scoring him a private room. I told him that whatever he needs just let me know and I will drive it out to him but with this I still can't do anything right.
I know it's because he's sick but it hurts. Here I am worried out of my mind while putting on a brave face for the girls after 4 long weeks apart (which he didn't even mention - not a "good job while I was away" or a "thanks for handling ____ on your own"). I'm just tired and I want him to not take out that he's sick on me. If I could make him better I would, I would fix everything.
It's scary when your husband starts talking nonsense. Asks you where he is over and over, I told him we were at the hospital and he asked me why, did he not remember that he's sick. He told me his rash was from the North Koreans. He sounded like a little boy when he said "I just want to go home".
I just want him to be home too. I am sick of him being sick and and praying that whatever this is it goes as quickly as it came. I am all set with my husband being in hospitals, he's had enough.
17 October 2012
say it with memes
I don't even know what to say, the flashing curser on an empty page is like a big flashing sign saying
Doc's primary care manager is on vacation so we are waiting for him to come back and give us the go ahead to get out of here. Doc spoke with the S1 who said he would do everything he could to fast track our move once we do get orders. But...
I how long will it take for orders to come through? How long would we have to wait for the movers? Can we really be sent back to Massachusetts? Honestly, we are just lost. I have money to book tickets home in early December for an early Christmas with the families but we have no idea if we will still be here...the fact that he needs to start appointments that are not available here could super fast track us.
Until then we will
and
But seriously, I want to know right now!
And it's not easy moving 3000 miles with 2 kids under 3!
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Until then we will
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But seriously, I want to know right now!
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13 October 2012
back to normal?
Doc is home, the girls are thrilled to have daddy back and I am over the moon to have my best friend back with his family where he belongs - can you feel the "but" coming? - but everything is very strange. We have no idea what is going to happen and when. He's been told not to go back to work for several reasons - being around guys who are able to get back out there is not helping him. So he will be home with us.
From here we really hope we will head to a community based warrior transition unit north of Boston but when? Everything is foggy, if possible we know less about our future now that we did before he left.
One thing is certain our days as a military family are numbered. I told Doc this med board is a pretty extreme way to get out of the ball in the spring... When we get home I hope I am able to find the support I need but I don't know. They don't get it.
Right now I am going to try to just live in the moment as much as possible. Maybe brainstorm some names for what to call this blog when I finally turn on my ID.
Thank you so much for the messages of support and the prayers. I feel them and I need them.
From here we really hope we will head to a community based warrior transition unit north of Boston but when? Everything is foggy, if possible we know less about our future now that we did before he left.
One thing is certain our days as a military family are numbered. I told Doc this med board is a pretty extreme way to get out of the ball in the spring... When we get home I hope I am able to find the support I need but I don't know. They don't get it.
Right now I am going to try to just live in the moment as much as possible. Maybe brainstorm some names for what to call this blog when I finally turn on my ID.
Thank you so much for the messages of support and the prayers. I feel them and I need them.
11 October 2012
not fit for duty
It sounds so negative...if it was up to me I would change it to too cool for school.
10 October 2012
wait, what?
Doc is wrapping up his treatment, today he met with one of his doctors and discussed his recommendations. Now, these doctors don't get to decide what happens to Doc but they send their recs to Doc's chain of command and he goes from there.
They had been talking about where we are now and where we need to be. If we had to drive 3 hours just to see a doctor for TC imagine how far we would have to go for someone who specialized in brain injuries...just an audiologist for him (which he would need to see at least weekly) is 5 hours away - each way. They had talked about a compassionate reassignment where he would work with a guard unit in MA which would be ideal, he could get set up with the doctors that he could stick with for the years to come. No matter what we thought we had time. Doc would come home and go back to work while we figure everything out. Today a bomb was dropped that neither of us expected.
It is being recommended that Doc not return to work, like ever.
I guess the main reason is because he will need to be in some sort of treatment every day for the foreseeable future. He wont be able to work if he can't be here. So now we don't know what is going to happen or when. If this is for real could we be out of Yuma before the new year? I've never even heard or this before. His command will make the ultimate decision and we are blessed that his bosses are interested in doing what is best for Doc and our family. There is a chance we could be sent somewhere to a WTU (Warrior Transition Unit) which I firmly believe would crush Doc's spirits, maybe even kill his spirits.
I've felt like I've be punched in the gut all day. I was so emotional, I hate that I was 3000 miles away when Doc got this news. He is a proud man, this must have killed him. I am still pretty pissed, had he not been dismissed when his injuries started presenting how many of these issues could have been avoided? He was treated like shit from the moment he realized that something was really wrong. Now look at us.
He has his final meetings tomorrow, I am interested in hearing everything they have to say. I wish I could be there, it kills me that I'm not.
So nuts, could this all be over just as fast as it began? Army life that is, unfortunately the TBI is with us to stay.
They had been talking about where we are now and where we need to be. If we had to drive 3 hours just to see a doctor for TC imagine how far we would have to go for someone who specialized in brain injuries...just an audiologist for him (which he would need to see at least weekly) is 5 hours away - each way. They had talked about a compassionate reassignment where he would work with a guard unit in MA which would be ideal, he could get set up with the doctors that he could stick with for the years to come. No matter what we thought we had time. Doc would come home and go back to work while we figure everything out. Today a bomb was dropped that neither of us expected.
It is being recommended that Doc not return to work, like ever.
I guess the main reason is because he will need to be in some sort of treatment every day for the foreseeable future. He wont be able to work if he can't be here. So now we don't know what is going to happen or when. If this is for real could we be out of Yuma before the new year? I've never even heard or this before. His command will make the ultimate decision and we are blessed that his bosses are interested in doing what is best for Doc and our family. There is a chance we could be sent somewhere to a WTU (Warrior Transition Unit) which I firmly believe would crush Doc's spirits, maybe even kill his spirits.
I've felt like I've be punched in the gut all day. I was so emotional, I hate that I was 3000 miles away when Doc got this news. He is a proud man, this must have killed him. I am still pretty pissed, had he not been dismissed when his injuries started presenting how many of these issues could have been avoided? He was treated like shit from the moment he realized that something was really wrong. Now look at us.
He has his final meetings tomorrow, I am interested in hearing everything they have to say. I wish I could be there, it kills me that I'm not.
So nuts, could this all be over just as fast as it began? Army life that is, unfortunately the TBI is with us to stay.
09 October 2012
free stuff!
No, I am not giving you free stuff, I wish I could but my fairy God mother status is still pending. I thought I would take a moment to tell you all how I get free stuff. Just to disclose, I am not getting any compensation directly from these sites for blogging about this but if you click on the links I provide there is a good chance that I will get a referral credit but that's not why I am sharing.
First is my favorite, Swagbucks. I know I have told you about this before but I thought I would tell you again :). Since I signed up with swagbucks in 2010 I've earned $150 in Southwest gift cards, $165 in Amazon gift cards, $60 in Old Navy gift cards, $20 in Chili's gift cards (I'm going for Margaritas when Doc returns) and 4 free amazon song downloads. That's almost $400 dollars worth of stuff.
It's pretty easy, you search from their website and sometimes you win bucks. But if you want to put a little time into it, like I do, you earn more. I fill out surveys, daily polls...get codes. Basically if I am on my couch I am looking for ways to earn Swagbucks. I thought it would be a good way for me to get some luxuries for myself but that turned into getting things for the girls. If you do decide to sign up (from my link or not) and want to know how to get a lot of bucks let me know and I can tell you what I do.
The next site I use is Crowdtap. I have a love hate relationship with this site. I have gotten free Old Navy clothes, laundry detergent, BBQ sauce and $90 in Amazon gift cards. This site is a combination of mini surveys, product reviews and web sharing. Getting gift cards isn't always easy, they have a limited amount and only release them one day a month. Since the site has been getting more popular it's much harder to get the coveted gift cards. But, $90 is pretty good. As a marketer, I think the site is pretty interesting.
Finally, my latest attempt at free gift cards, Survey Head. As you would guess, it's a survey site. So far I've gotten a $25 Amazon gift card. This can be a bit frustrating, the gift cards take like 4 weeks to process and there are days on end that I can't qualify for a survey but I will keep trying. I like giving my opinion and I like gift cards.
And if Amazon gift cards aren't your thing you can always do with e-rewards. This is another survey site and I use my winnings for free magazines. I've gotten subscriptions to Glamour, Cosmo, Martha Stewart, Shape, Real Simple, Parents and some others. Honestly magazines, while I love them, are getting more and more pricey and, like I seem to always be, I feel guilty spending money on myself for something so silly as magazines. It's like $30 a month that I am saving!
So that's it, I love free stuff. Sure I have to work to get it but it's a small way for me to feel like I am contributing to our family. I might not be covering the car loan but I can help get the girls great Christmas gifts with no out of pocket cost. I bet that even if we had an unlimited bank account I would still do this, free is for me!
First is my favorite, Swagbucks. I know I have told you about this before but I thought I would tell you again :). Since I signed up with swagbucks in 2010 I've earned $150 in Southwest gift cards, $165 in Amazon gift cards, $60 in Old Navy gift cards, $20 in Chili's gift cards (I'm going for Margaritas when Doc returns) and 4 free amazon song downloads. That's almost $400 dollars worth of stuff.
It's pretty easy, you search from their website and sometimes you win bucks. But if you want to put a little time into it, like I do, you earn more. I fill out surveys, daily polls...get codes. Basically if I am on my couch I am looking for ways to earn Swagbucks. I thought it would be a good way for me to get some luxuries for myself but that turned into getting things for the girls. If you do decide to sign up (from my link or not) and want to know how to get a lot of bucks let me know and I can tell you what I do.
The next site I use is Crowdtap. I have a love hate relationship with this site. I have gotten free Old Navy clothes, laundry detergent, BBQ sauce and $90 in Amazon gift cards. This site is a combination of mini surveys, product reviews and web sharing. Getting gift cards isn't always easy, they have a limited amount and only release them one day a month. Since the site has been getting more popular it's much harder to get the coveted gift cards. But, $90 is pretty good. As a marketer, I think the site is pretty interesting.
Finally, my latest attempt at free gift cards, Survey Head. As you would guess, it's a survey site. So far I've gotten a $25 Amazon gift card. This can be a bit frustrating, the gift cards take like 4 weeks to process and there are days on end that I can't qualify for a survey but I will keep trying. I like giving my opinion and I like gift cards.
And if Amazon gift cards aren't your thing you can always do with e-rewards. This is another survey site and I use my winnings for free magazines. I've gotten subscriptions to Glamour, Cosmo, Martha Stewart, Shape, Real Simple, Parents and some others. Honestly magazines, while I love them, are getting more and more pricey and, like I seem to always be, I feel guilty spending money on myself for something so silly as magazines. It's like $30 a month that I am saving!
So that's it, I love free stuff. Sure I have to work to get it but it's a small way for me to feel like I am contributing to our family. I might not be covering the car loan but I can help get the girls great Christmas gifts with no out of pocket cost. I bet that even if we had an unlimited bank account I would still do this, free is for me!
08 October 2012
photo dump
This month away from Doc is coming to an end soon, as jealous as I am that he got two weekends in Massachusetts one with amazing Patriots tickets I am so blessed to get to see these little ladies every single day. It has been a long and pretty lonely month but I wouldn't trade seeing them everyday for Patriots season tickets.
These girls, why I smile so many times a day.
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| testing out the swap score, free stroller! |
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| TC decided to keep Little A in the tunnel |
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| Tunnel time! |
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| She really does like helping me cook. |
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| Skyping with Daddy! |
These girls, why I smile so many times a day.
05 October 2012
First Friday Fill In
Click on the image to join Wife of a Sailor's First Friday Fill in!
1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?
I wish we could have gone with Doc to DC like originally planned, I know it's really this way but I hate him missing the girls and the girls missing him.
2. What was your favorite thing that happened in September?
My shows came back, is that bad?
3. Sometimes I like to sit on my couch and eat ______ from a ______ with a _________. - Courtesy of Just Another Snarky Navy Wife
Hmm, let’s see…. “Sometimes I like to sit on my couch and eat nutella from a jar with a spoon.” I don't even trust myself to keep it in the house.
4. What was your favorite childhood Halloween costume? - Courtesy of me :)
My stepmother made me a unicorn out of a white hoodie, white pants, an ice cream cone, and yarn. I won best costume in my class and brownie troop.
5. What are you looking forward to in October?
Doc coming home! And booking a flight home for Christmas - squee!!
04 October 2012
right before you drift off - BAM
Disclaimer, this is a topic I don't get into often, talking about God isn't the main point of this blog as I am not a "christian blogger" just a blogger who happens to be christian. I had to get these thoughts out of my head tonight if I am ever going to fall asleep.
I was cuddled up in my big empty bed, ready to finally fall asleep before 11PM for the first time in weeks when I remembered to thank God for the blessings we've seen recently. Right as I was in the middle of doing so I got pissed, pissed like I haven't been in a long time.
Yes thank you God for the care Doc is receiving, and for the doctors who are so helpful - but you know what God, screw you too. Screw you for letting this happen to my already perfectly flawed husband. For changing everything, every little thing in our lives changed the moment that vehicle ended up upside down in a dried river bed in East End of Hell, Iraq.
God is looking out for us so well now, right now as in this month but what about that day? What about the months and years since the accident? What about the heartache and pain, but physical and emotional? What about our little girls who have never known their father as a whole man? (Doc's words, not mine.) Thanks for looking out buddy, just 2 years, 10 months too late.
Then of course after having a one sided argument in your head to the creator there is the guilt. The shame spiral. It could have been worse. Perhaps that is what God was doing, keeping it from being worse. I appreciate that, I understand how lucky I am that my husband came home to me - I do, not a day goes by that I don't thank God for that but why did this have to happen at all? His plan...yup HIS plan...what the hell am I supposed to do with that thought, his plan. Can someone tell me where in his plan are the instructions for when my husband tells me that he wishes he died that day? That's the quality of his life on more days than he even admits to me. And now he is being seen by the best doctors in the country, they deal with injuries like Doc's all the time and they are stumped - they can't ease his pain.
What else is His plan? Early dementia? That's a big topic of conversation in this house, my husband not only worries about the strain he puts on our family now but what about the future, the not too distant future. He could lose it all in a matter of decades, slowly watch himself drift away until he is given the gift of no longer knowing what is going on. His plan, that wasn't my plan, not mine and Doc's plan.
But you're not supposed to get mad at God. I'm not supposed to complain about my husband's injuries because someone always has it worse. I know, I get that but right now this isn't about anybody else. I'm not supposed to say that Doc says I would have been better off if he had just died that day because now people are going to think that he's unstable or suicidal. He's not, but he has these low points that he just dumps on me (as he should) and I am there to remind him about God's plan.
Most of the time I can play nice with God, we've had our moments when my fiends died and of course when my dad died so young. But we've found our way back to each other. I am sure I will get there again, I guess that is the good thing about faith in God - I can turn my back on him but he wont turn his back on me. But tonight, I'm pissed.
I was cuddled up in my big empty bed, ready to finally fall asleep before 11PM for the first time in weeks when I remembered to thank God for the blessings we've seen recently. Right as I was in the middle of doing so I got pissed, pissed like I haven't been in a long time.
Yes thank you God for the care Doc is receiving, and for the doctors who are so helpful - but you know what God, screw you too. Screw you for letting this happen to my already perfectly flawed husband. For changing everything, every little thing in our lives changed the moment that vehicle ended up upside down in a dried river bed in East End of Hell, Iraq.
God is looking out for us so well now, right now as in this month but what about that day? What about the months and years since the accident? What about the heartache and pain, but physical and emotional? What about our little girls who have never known their father as a whole man? (Doc's words, not mine.) Thanks for looking out buddy, just 2 years, 10 months too late.
Then of course after having a one sided argument in your head to the creator there is the guilt. The shame spiral. It could have been worse. Perhaps that is what God was doing, keeping it from being worse. I appreciate that, I understand how lucky I am that my husband came home to me - I do, not a day goes by that I don't thank God for that but why did this have to happen at all? His plan...yup HIS plan...what the hell am I supposed to do with that thought, his plan. Can someone tell me where in his plan are the instructions for when my husband tells me that he wishes he died that day? That's the quality of his life on more days than he even admits to me. And now he is being seen by the best doctors in the country, they deal with injuries like Doc's all the time and they are stumped - they can't ease his pain.
What else is His plan? Early dementia? That's a big topic of conversation in this house, my husband not only worries about the strain he puts on our family now but what about the future, the not too distant future. He could lose it all in a matter of decades, slowly watch himself drift away until he is given the gift of no longer knowing what is going on. His plan, that wasn't my plan, not mine and Doc's plan.
But you're not supposed to get mad at God. I'm not supposed to complain about my husband's injuries because someone always has it worse. I know, I get that but right now this isn't about anybody else. I'm not supposed to say that Doc says I would have been better off if he had just died that day because now people are going to think that he's unstable or suicidal. He's not, but he has these low points that he just dumps on me (as he should) and I am there to remind him about God's plan.
Most of the time I can play nice with God, we've had our moments when my fiends died and of course when my dad died so young. But we've found our way back to each other. I am sure I will get there again, I guess that is the good thing about faith in God - I can turn my back on him but he wont turn his back on me. But tonight, I'm pissed.
03 October 2012
a rundown of Doc's treatment
I have decided to talk a little about what's going on, I am going to try to remember everything that he's told me over these last 3 weeks but honestly there is so much to remember (which is a really good thing).
This weekend he is traveling home again and his brother in law is getting them Patriots tickets, he should be really excited but instead he's having anxiety about the crowd and the noise.
I wish I could go back to the days when I bitched about him not empty the dishwasher.
- He's have a few cat scans, all of which have been clear. It's good that there is nothing on his brain but the doctors are stumped as to what to do for hie head aches.
- Boxtox injections, he had these before and they really helped - they did these today, they wanted to try other things that would alleviate more pain but, like I said they are stumped.
- Acupuncture, they even left to needles in his ears for a weekend to try to help with his pain.
- Some electronic pain blocker thing (I have no idea what it's actually called) but it attaches to the part of your body that's in pain and sends signals to your brain to tell your brain to make the pain stop. I think that's how it works - obviously I am a scientist with these explanations.
- Yoga for stress (which I think is great)
- Mask painting, yea like arts and crafts. I can see it helping other people but not Doc - he said he did it but thought it was a huge joke (for him, he saw one of the guys there really benefit but that was mostly a PTSD thing).
- Sleep study with a sleep apnea diagnosis, he has his Darth Vader mask now so that will be something to get used to for me when he gets home.
- Glasses to wear in crowds and driving - I forget why it works but they are tinted and should help with anxiety in crowds.
- Bluetooth hearing aides with a microphone, I will wear the microphone and he will be able to hear me when we are out, this is for big things like stadiums as well as everyday times like shopping. He gets overstimulated and confused when there is too much background noise.
- Group therapy - he may or may not have ripped the therapist a new one when he compared him to a NFL catcher having a mental block when trying to catch a ball...
This weekend he is traveling home again and his brother in law is getting them Patriots tickets, he should be really excited but instead he's having anxiety about the crowd and the noise.
I wish I could go back to the days when I bitched about him not empty the dishwasher.
02 October 2012
not getting it
I understand that my family wants me home and home for good - I want it too but that's not the plan. When Doc was wounded and we were finding out just how bad it was people would get excited when asking if this meant that his army career was done. I know they don't mean to be insensitive but every time it's like a throat punch.
Today my sister asked if Doc's trips home would keep him from reenlisting (reenlisting is all part of our plan, I might get into it at some point...). I almost hung up on her, I don't know why I got so upset. She knows my worries about going home and leaving the military. I feel like once the army tells him that he's no longer needed that's it, he really is never getting better. I don't know, leaving the army and going home for good is scarier than marrying him and going into this life.
I told her that to him, to us really, home now means where our family is. I am sure all his trip home did was make him miss me and the girls even more. Being back there reminded him of what he has here and why he does what he does (like reenlisting) because it is what is best for his family.
I know I am just being oversensitive, she didn't mean anything bad by it she just wasn't thinking. I guess I it all comes down to her excitement over my husband's inability to do the job he loved. I think I need to just calm the eff down sometimes.
Today my sister asked if Doc's trips home would keep him from reenlisting (reenlisting is all part of our plan, I might get into it at some point...). I almost hung up on her, I don't know why I got so upset. She knows my worries about going home and leaving the military. I feel like once the army tells him that he's no longer needed that's it, he really is never getting better. I don't know, leaving the army and going home for good is scarier than marrying him and going into this life.
I told her that to him, to us really, home now means where our family is. I am sure all his trip home did was make him miss me and the girls even more. Being back there reminded him of what he has here and why he does what he does (like reenlisting) because it is what is best for his family.
I know I am just being oversensitive, she didn't mean anything bad by it she just wasn't thinking. I guess I it all comes down to her excitement over my husband's inability to do the job he loved. I think I need to just calm the eff down sometimes.
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