Here is TC wearing this outfit in 2010 at 4 months (in my Massachusetts home town) and then Little A wearing it this morning at 10 weeks. I am wearing the same thing too, just for fun.
26 February 2012
my big little one
We've had weather in the 80s and lots of sun, I love Little A in TC's old summer clothes. Living in WA, TC didn't get many chance to actually wear summer clothes as the summer of 2010 was really cold and rainy.
Here is TC wearing this outfit in 2010 at 4 months (in my Massachusetts home town) and then Little A wearing it this morning at 10 weeks. I am wearing the same thing too, just for fun.
Here is TC wearing this outfit in 2010 at 4 months (in my Massachusetts home town) and then Little A wearing it this morning at 10 weeks. I am wearing the same thing too, just for fun.
24 February 2012
little pink dresses
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| I was so excited to realize that I could dress them alike today, dorky I know but I wont be able to do this forever. |
Life goes on as it should. I am so lucky to have such wonderful memories of my grandmother and extra lucky that TC got to meet her. From what I hear the pictures of Gram on the floor playing with TC just days shy of her 88th birthday were the talk of the wake.
This week, Doc told me that he doesn't think that he wants to go to Colorado, I guess the chance of him being in an actual hyperbaric chamber are 1 out of 3, he doesn't think those odds are good enough to uproot the family. I am happy doing whatever he's comfortable with but honestly I just think he doesn't want his time wasted being someone's lab rat. I can't really blame him. He will figure it out, I know he has a lot of feelers out there.
There is also talk of him switching bosses here which would be nice. It's not that the boss he has now is bad, he's a great guy but he thinks he would fit better with the other guy. It wouldn't change my daily life at all but it might make him happier which is always nice.
I feel so disconnected from army life, for the past 4 years it was so intense, the training cycle and constant deployment rotation and now nothing. His ACUs still haven't left the green bag in the garage since we arrived. This is an Mil Spouse blog (did you see me mentioned in the February Military Spouse Magazine?) and I feel that I have very little military related stuff to share. Is there anything in particular anyone would like me to talk about?
23 February 2012
guilt
I know everyone back home understands why I didn't come home for my grandmother's funeral I can't help but feel horrible for it. Could I have packed my kids on to a plane and flown across the country myself? Sure, it wouldn't have been fun but it would have been doable. I chose not to for several reasons, it would cost over $700 to do so for a visit that would have just been a ball of stress and emotion. There would have been the logistics of what to do with the baby, I wouldn't have had the time to pump and leave her with my in-laws so she would have had to come to the wake and the funeral.
I keep going over this in my head and justifying it to myself, I have my answer ready for anyone who would ask. No one would, everyone knows why I didn't go home. I've been on the phone with family a lot the past few days, I've been getting a play by play of everything, people have been checking in on me which is really nice. Being far away it's easy to feel forgotten.
The plan is to go home, as a family, in early August. My grandmother's ashes will be buried then aas well as my aunt's and father's. This way Doc and I can get home together, he hasn't been home in 5 years so it's really important that he goes too. These are all just more justification as to why I didn't go.
I am sure that I will carry this guilt around for a while. My grandmother would have hated for me to make a fuss and fly home. I wont be losing much sleep over it but I will be wondering if anyone out there is judging me.
This is one of the unspoken burdens of a military family, people know we miss things and are sad about it but I don't think they realize the toll it really takes on us.
In related news, Doc has been great. He asked several times if I wanted to go home, just to make sure I was doing what was right for me. Then night we heard that she died he cleared his schedule for Monday & Tuesday in case he had to drive us to the airport (without even telling me). He has a hard time being sad about old sick people dieing, we all know it's for the better so why cry? He's been able to put these feelings aside and comfort me, he even tried spooning me in the middle of the night on Sat night, it was sweet but damn I hate that, let me sleep! Things with him might be hard sometimes but it's so reassuring to know that when I need him, the real pre TBI him, I can catches glimpses of him now and then.
I keep going over this in my head and justifying it to myself, I have my answer ready for anyone who would ask. No one would, everyone knows why I didn't go home. I've been on the phone with family a lot the past few days, I've been getting a play by play of everything, people have been checking in on me which is really nice. Being far away it's easy to feel forgotten.
The plan is to go home, as a family, in early August. My grandmother's ashes will be buried then aas well as my aunt's and father's. This way Doc and I can get home together, he hasn't been home in 5 years so it's really important that he goes too. These are all just more justification as to why I didn't go.
I am sure that I will carry this guilt around for a while. My grandmother would have hated for me to make a fuss and fly home. I wont be losing much sleep over it but I will be wondering if anyone out there is judging me.
This is one of the unspoken burdens of a military family, people know we miss things and are sad about it but I don't think they realize the toll it really takes on us.
In related news, Doc has been great. He asked several times if I wanted to go home, just to make sure I was doing what was right for me. Then night we heard that she died he cleared his schedule for Monday & Tuesday in case he had to drive us to the airport (without even telling me). He has a hard time being sad about old sick people dieing, we all know it's for the better so why cry? He's been able to put these feelings aside and comfort me, he even tried spooning me in the middle of the night on Sat night, it was sweet but damn I hate that, let me sleep! Things with him might be hard sometimes but it's so reassuring to know that when I need him, the real pre TBI him, I can catches glimpses of him now and then.
22 February 2012
almost worless wednesday
This was almost 2 years ago, there is a picture from her 89th but she just looks so vacant and lost - she's not really there. I like this one. She was so selfless and put everyone, no matter who you were, ahead of her so when people went out of their way on her birthday she was always surprised and extremely appreciative.
If you could, please send thoughts to my family tonight from 5-8 EST during the wake. It's being held at the same place where my father's wake was held making a hard night even harder.
21 February 2012
she is missed
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| goofing off in my brother's USMC cover at my sister's wedding |
Because I knew I had some of the early facts wrong here is what my aunt wrote for our local paper. I obviously omitted and changed a few personal details. A-Town is my hometown.
MILFORD - Pauline Theresa P a longtime A-Town resident, passed away on Saturday, Feb. 18 after a lengthy illness. She was 89.
The 16th of 17 children, she was born June 23, 1922 in St. Madeleine, Quebec to Pamela and Joseph and named Theresa Pauline. Her early childhood was spent in St. Madeleine.
For a few years, she lived with her father and some siblings in Conn. where she finished her formal education in the eighth grade. It was during the family's return to Canada for better work opportunities that their car overturned in Worcester, instantly killing her 16-year-old brother Roger.
In 1944 at age 22, she joined the Royal Canadian Air Force and worked as a telephone operator until she contracted rheumatic fever and was honorably released in 1946. She then immigrated to Pawtucket, RI to join her sisters Fern and Margaret (Mimi.)
There she met the love of her life, Armand, who worked distributing Royal Crown Soda and at St. Stephen's Church in A-Town as a sexton. He nicknamed her "Pete." They were married on Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 27, 1947 in St. Stephen's and settled on O'Donnell Drive where they would raise their five children in a home filled with love and laughter.
Although of modest means, they enjoyed a life rich with extended families and friends in the U.S. and Canada, frequently traveling to Canada for memorable visits. Throughout her life, Pauline was an avid sports fan, religiously following the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins and Patriots. Once during the 1967 season when the entire family was heading to Fenway Park, her husband jokingly tried to fit her ironing board into the car, convinced the Red Sox's winning streak was due to her ironing during their games.
In 1960, she became a U.S. citizen with the legal name of Pauline Theresa P. She waitressed part-time for 15 years for Morin's Catering in A-Town in the '60's and 70's. After her husband Armand died unexpectedly in 1975, she worked full time at Leach & Garner in A-Town as a jewelry worker to support herself and her two children, Stephen and Michelle, still at home.
She also volunteered at the Catholic High School, where four of her five children received their high school education. She doted on her grandchildren, knitting them countless sweaters and blankets. Retiring in 1982, Pauline joined four siblings in Melbourne, Fla. where she lived for 17 years.
A devout Catholic, she was a tireless volunteer at her Melbourne church and at Daily Bread, Inc. where she served the hungry with a warm smile and healthy dose of optimism. After returning to A-Town in 1999, she lived with her son Roger his wife and their 5 children (my dad). She was an avid lifelong reader and patron of the A-Town Public Library. n 2002, she moved to Christopher Heights of A-Town where she lived happily for nearly a decade. It was there she watched her beloved Red Sox win two World Series and had her photo taken with their championship trophy.
She is survived by her daughter, two sons,; 11 grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren; her sister Cecilia Toronto, Ontario; her sister-in-law Helen Melbourne, Fla.; and many nieces and nephews. She was predeceased by her husband, Armand of A-Town who died in 1975, her daughter, Michell of New York City, who died in 1994, and her son, Roger of A-Town, who died in 2001.
Outliving 15 of her siblings, she is also predeceased by her brothers: Augustin, Conrad, and Amedee, all of Montreal, Quebec; Louis and Stephen, both of Ste. Madeline, Quebec; Roger of Danielson, Conn.; and John Paul of Kingston, Ontario; and her sisters: Marianne who died in infancy; Jeanette of Albany, N.Y.; Irene of Putnam, Conn.; Rita of Old Saybrook, Conn.; Betty of New Bedford and Margaret Vary, Fern, and Georgette, all of Melbourne, Fla.
In spite of her loss of many loved ones, she retained an upbeat spirit and focused on the many blessings in her life. Her happiness and contagiously positive personality will be missed by all who knew her.
In lieu of flowers and for those wishing to remember Pauline in a special way, memorial contributions in her memory may be made to: Our Daily Bread, 815 East Fee Ave., Melbourne, FL 32901.
18 February 2012
and just like that, she was gone
No matter how old or how expected or any of that, when you lose someone who has been in your life from the moment you were born it hurts. My grandmother was called home today, it had been a long fight and she held on for as long as she could. She hadn't woken up in days and she passed in her sleep surrounded but nurses and hospice volunteers.
For whatever reason my grandfather called her Pete, her name was Pauline. I think it's incredibly sweet and the fact that it stayed with her 35 years after his death is a testament to their love. She made it a point to tell me at any point that he was the only man she had ever been with, I am happy that they are reunited.
Grandma Pete was a neat freak, we would have to clean for days before she came for a visit. Even after that it wouldn't be clean enough and she would yell at us. She was strict but also fun. A child of the depression who's penny pinch ways led her to announce that the heart meds that she took were over $10 a day every time she took them. In the early 90s while staying with my family at the campground we spend the summer at she was excited to be wearing her very first pair of dungarees (jeans). She was 4'11" and every inch of her was firecracker. She wore a bikini into her 60s, not because she thought she was a hot thing but because it was what she was used to, forget the fact that she couldn't swim and never went in the water. She would have half of a beer during the annual game of Risk with her kids and their spouses on Christmas and feel "tipsy".
She held on to her faith for dear life, while she lived in Florida she spent every day at the local soup kitchen and the City of Melbourne even had a day dedicated to her. She never missed mass on Sunday, even if the only service she could get to was entirely in Latin. Being "that Catholic" comes with its guilt too, she spent the past almost 20 years praying my aunt out of purgatory since dieing of AIDS would not allow you into heaven without being prayed in. She also spent the last 10 years praying my father in because of his past indiscretions. Now that burden has been lifted and she can see that they are all able to spend eternity together.
She pronounce potato 'padado' which I loved. Though she was born in Quebec she no longer spoke French, she had to forgo high school to move to the US and work in the textile factories in my hometown. She would cry when talking about how blessed we were to have an education, if she was ashamed of anything it was her lack of education.
She was so proud of her grand kids, she was always the loudest one cheering at my brother's basketball games. When I went home when TC was 4 months old she just cold not get enough of watching me be her mom. She even watched from right over my shoulder while I nursed, there is not one other person in the world that I would allow to be that close.
I knew she wouldn't be around forever, grandparents never are. While she hasn't been herself for over a year it's hard to believe that's she's actually gone. I want to go home but for the services but would have to take both kids by myself and I just can't do that. It's heartbreaking to miss this. If for nothing else but to put a smile on my face here are some pictures of "Crazy Pete".
For whatever reason my grandfather called her Pete, her name was Pauline. I think it's incredibly sweet and the fact that it stayed with her 35 years after his death is a testament to their love. She made it a point to tell me at any point that he was the only man she had ever been with, I am happy that they are reunited.
She held on to her faith for dear life, while she lived in Florida she spent every day at the local soup kitchen and the City of Melbourne even had a day dedicated to her. She never missed mass on Sunday, even if the only service she could get to was entirely in Latin. Being "that Catholic" comes with its guilt too, she spent the past almost 20 years praying my aunt out of purgatory since dieing of AIDS would not allow you into heaven without being prayed in. She also spent the last 10 years praying my father in because of his past indiscretions. Now that burden has been lifted and she can see that they are all able to spend eternity together.
She pronounce potato 'padado' which I loved. Though she was born in Quebec she no longer spoke French, she had to forgo high school to move to the US and work in the textile factories in my hometown. She would cry when talking about how blessed we were to have an education, if she was ashamed of anything it was her lack of education.
She was so proud of her grand kids, she was always the loudest one cheering at my brother's basketball games. When I went home when TC was 4 months old she just cold not get enough of watching me be her mom. She even watched from right over my shoulder while I nursed, there is not one other person in the world that I would allow to be that close.
I knew she wouldn't be around forever, grandparents never are. While she hasn't been herself for over a year it's hard to believe that's she's actually gone. I want to go home but for the services but would have to take both kids by myself and I just can't do that. It's heartbreaking to miss this. If for nothing else but to put a smile on my face here are some pictures of "Crazy Pete".
17 February 2012
meh, newborns
The past 2 months have been an adjustment but I think that's why newborns are so boring, it gives you a chance to get used to them being around before they really need much. I feel like I'm supposed to love the newborn stage, ohhing and awwing at how small she is (which she isn't) or feeling gushy watching her sleep (I don't). This stage is just boring, it's like a few extra months of pregnancy only you can see your feet again. We are just now seeing glimpses of her personality but we are still wondering who she is going to be, what she's really going to look like. With her few hours of interaction with us a day she's so much fun but after an hour of smiles and laughs it's either back to sleep or back to just looking around like an idiot. (I'm not calling my baby an idiot but if an adult looked around like a baby does that is exactly what you would call them.)
I felt this with TC, it's sad to see them grow so fast because it's just another day closer to them becoming teenagers who talk back and slam doors or worse, adults who no longer share doors with you to slam. When we first brought TC home from the hospital we fed her and changed her then put her in her bouncy seat to nap, she was out for hours and we were like "now what?". Obviously those down times can be put to good use, sleeping and cleaning and exercising and chasing other kids but the baby is just kind of there. Of course it seems like much more work when it's 2AM and they wont stop screaming, I've been there too but that's just another part of the newborn stage that I don't enjoy.
Around 3-4 months, we were able to have a bed time for TC (for the most part) and that is nice. 7PM and then the toys can be put away and you know you've got 3-4 hours of baby free time to be a couple again, I can't wait for that. I love my kids, that goes without saying, but I also love my husband and I miss him.
I am trying to cherish every moment with her at this age, and it is wonderful to have a baby fall asleep in your arms and just be as content as can be. I miss TC cuddling up to me. If all goes as planned this will be our last chance to love on a newborn, I feel that my family is complete, Doc isn't as sure. Right now my heart feels like this will be our last baby, we are a happy family of four.
With that, she's waking up so we must be making our way back to the dealership to pick up my car. I do love how portable newborns are, so they get a point for that.
I felt this with TC, it's sad to see them grow so fast because it's just another day closer to them becoming teenagers who talk back and slam doors or worse, adults who no longer share doors with you to slam. When we first brought TC home from the hospital we fed her and changed her then put her in her bouncy seat to nap, she was out for hours and we were like "now what?". Obviously those down times can be put to good use, sleeping and cleaning and exercising and chasing other kids but the baby is just kind of there. Of course it seems like much more work when it's 2AM and they wont stop screaming, I've been there too but that's just another part of the newborn stage that I don't enjoy.
Around 3-4 months, we were able to have a bed time for TC (for the most part) and that is nice. 7PM and then the toys can be put away and you know you've got 3-4 hours of baby free time to be a couple again, I can't wait for that. I love my kids, that goes without saying, but I also love my husband and I miss him.
I am trying to cherish every moment with her at this age, and it is wonderful to have a baby fall asleep in your arms and just be as content as can be. I miss TC cuddling up to me. If all goes as planned this will be our last chance to love on a newborn, I feel that my family is complete, Doc isn't as sure. Right now my heart feels like this will be our last baby, we are a happy family of four.
With that, she's waking up so we must be making our way back to the dealership to pick up my car. I do love how portable newborns are, so they get a point for that.
16 February 2012
work in progress
I think that even when we're 90 and have been married for 65 years we will still be working on our marriage. I think every marriage is a work in progress, there are going to be days when you feel like you've got it all figured out and days when you just want to run and hide. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
Some days I think about what I share and know that people are judging me, judging Doc, judging our marriage and that's alright. We weren't perfect before the injury either. I don't post about the days we laugh all day or the nice things he does for me because that's what most days are like, they don't stick out. When he does things to hurt me, that's not normal so those days stick out. In sharing all of the ugly I hope that I am talking to someone who might be silently suffering through something similar.
Luckily Doc's work was canceled last night so he came home and we were able to talk. As we both knew we would be, we're fine. I'm not innocent all the time either, we were able to talk about how and why we hurt each other. Days that end like yesterday did assure me that we are strangely stronger than ever. We get there.
I'm glad we worked past it, it would have made taking the girls to their well baby appointments awkward today. TC had her 2 year visit and Little A had her 2 month. The girls are perfect, obviously. TC is 25.7lbs 37%, 32" 8% (peanut), 49.5cm head 90% and Little A is 13.6lbs 100% (pretty much off the charts), 22.2" 69%, 40.6 cm head 95%. A 13+lb 2 month old! We knew she was big but damn! And their heads, well I have a huge dome piece so that's kind of my fault.
Since I was told I need more pics of Little A here are a few from our little photo shoot tonight. We are getting a few stretches through out the day where she is all smiles and coos and laughs, I love it because the newborn stage is so boring.
Some days I think about what I share and know that people are judging me, judging Doc, judging our marriage and that's alright. We weren't perfect before the injury either. I don't post about the days we laugh all day or the nice things he does for me because that's what most days are like, they don't stick out. When he does things to hurt me, that's not normal so those days stick out. In sharing all of the ugly I hope that I am talking to someone who might be silently suffering through something similar.
Luckily Doc's work was canceled last night so he came home and we were able to talk. As we both knew we would be, we're fine. I'm not innocent all the time either, we were able to talk about how and why we hurt each other. Days that end like yesterday did assure me that we are strangely stronger than ever. We get there.
I'm glad we worked past it, it would have made taking the girls to their well baby appointments awkward today. TC had her 2 year visit and Little A had her 2 month. The girls are perfect, obviously. TC is 25.7lbs 37%, 32" 8% (peanut), 49.5cm head 90% and Little A is 13.6lbs 100% (pretty much off the charts), 22.2" 69%, 40.6 cm head 95%. A 13+lb 2 month old! We knew she was big but damn! And their heads, well I have a huge dome piece so that's kind of my fault.
Since I was told I need more pics of Little A here are a few from our little photo shoot tonight. We are getting a few stretches through out the day where she is all smiles and coos and laughs, I love it because the newborn stage is so boring.
15 February 2012
does he hear himself?
I was so hoping that working nights this week wouldn't set Doc off, I am sure you're sick of hearing about the correlation between sleep and TBI symptoms but it's like night and day. Yesterday he slept in until around 10:30 and lounged around the house until he left for work around 5, he got home from work at 1:30AM.
Yesterday I woke up at 6:30 after about 5 broken hours of sleep and took care of the kids all day. My break was a trip to the commissary without any kids.
TC is potty training so she knows that "diaper time" means bed time. She didn't nap yesterday so she was a treat by the end of the day. She fought me literally kicking and screaming for 45 minutes when it came time to get dressed for bed. It took 45 minutes to get her diaper on, and I really hurt my back trying to get it done.
By the time I was ready to go to sleep at 10 Little A decided to wake up. I was up with her until just before Doc came home at 1:30. We went to sleep at the same time. His job consists of him waiting at a drop zone for students to land, if they are hurt he has to help them. It's mostly just sitting around. We went to sleep at the same time, I woke up several times to feed/change Little A. I was able to sleep in until around 7 which was nice. As soon as Little A started to stir I got her out of the bedroom to let Doc sleep. He woke up at 10:20.
So you can see, I am pretty sleep deprived at this point. I am still trying to do everything as I always do, I made breakfast for TC and myself, made some granola bars, made some appointments, did some laundry...I was doing my thing. I tried to talk to him about how TC was acting last night and he just said that he doesn't know who it could possible take that long to get her diaper on, implying that I was doing something wrong.
Doc decided he wanted me to make him some food since he was sooooo tired. I told him that it wasn't going to happen. He then complained about the dinner I made last night, I wasn't something likes and that's why I made it when he was working. Apparently today was the one day he was going to eat leftovers. Then he complained that I bought burgers but no buns, buns just go bad in our house so I told him to use toast. Then he told me that I have been buying the wrong bread, he doesn't like that bread. I have been buying this bread for 3 years. He said he told me the last time I bought white bread that he likes that better. I think I bought white bread in December when they were out of the wheat so apparently I've been buying bread he said he doesn't want 2 months and he hasn't said a word?
Half of the complaints he makes he does to piss me off, he pushes until I get upset because he thinks it's funny. I could never do this, especially now, I have to choose my words wisely to not set him off. I called him out on it today and he said "do you just not see how bad at this you are?". That was a few hours ago, I told him to go screw and I disappeared into the bedroom with the baby. I left him with TC so he can really get a handle on how not relaxing it is to be home all day. He refuses to see that I am sleep deprived too, I am having a hard time too and then telling me that I'm doing a bad job on top of it?! I just can't be in the same room as him right now.
At what point does he have to start taking responsibility for his actions? Is it wrong to accuse him of hiding behind his injury when I know the real him would never be so hurtful? The words are the injury but the pride is his, he needs to get over it and apologize when he crosses the line but then apologizing would make him admit that he's lost control again. It's a vicious cycle.
Yesterday I woke up at 6:30 after about 5 broken hours of sleep and took care of the kids all day. My break was a trip to the commissary without any kids.
TC is potty training so she knows that "diaper time" means bed time. She didn't nap yesterday so she was a treat by the end of the day. She fought me literally kicking and screaming for 45 minutes when it came time to get dressed for bed. It took 45 minutes to get her diaper on, and I really hurt my back trying to get it done.
By the time I was ready to go to sleep at 10 Little A decided to wake up. I was up with her until just before Doc came home at 1:30. We went to sleep at the same time. His job consists of him waiting at a drop zone for students to land, if they are hurt he has to help them. It's mostly just sitting around. We went to sleep at the same time, I woke up several times to feed/change Little A. I was able to sleep in until around 7 which was nice. As soon as Little A started to stir I got her out of the bedroom to let Doc sleep. He woke up at 10:20.
So you can see, I am pretty sleep deprived at this point. I am still trying to do everything as I always do, I made breakfast for TC and myself, made some granola bars, made some appointments, did some laundry...I was doing my thing. I tried to talk to him about how TC was acting last night and he just said that he doesn't know who it could possible take that long to get her diaper on, implying that I was doing something wrong.
Doc decided he wanted me to make him some food since he was sooooo tired. I told him that it wasn't going to happen. He then complained about the dinner I made last night, I wasn't something likes and that's why I made it when he was working. Apparently today was the one day he was going to eat leftovers. Then he complained that I bought burgers but no buns, buns just go bad in our house so I told him to use toast. Then he told me that I have been buying the wrong bread, he doesn't like that bread. I have been buying this bread for 3 years. He said he told me the last time I bought white bread that he likes that better. I think I bought white bread in December when they were out of the wheat so apparently I've been buying bread he said he doesn't want 2 months and he hasn't said a word?
Half of the complaints he makes he does to piss me off, he pushes until I get upset because he thinks it's funny. I could never do this, especially now, I have to choose my words wisely to not set him off. I called him out on it today and he said "do you just not see how bad at this you are?". That was a few hours ago, I told him to go screw and I disappeared into the bedroom with the baby. I left him with TC so he can really get a handle on how not relaxing it is to be home all day. He refuses to see that I am sleep deprived too, I am having a hard time too and then telling me that I'm doing a bad job on top of it?! I just can't be in the same room as him right now.
At what point does he have to start taking responsibility for his actions? Is it wrong to accuse him of hiding behind his injury when I know the real him would never be so hurtful? The words are the injury but the pride is his, he needs to get over it and apologize when he crosses the line but then apologizing would make him admit that he's lost control again. It's a vicious cycle.
14 February 2012
miss her
Next month will mark 11 years since we lost my friend Jenny. Today would have been her 31st birthday. Her sister posted some pictures on facebook today. When you say 11 years you know it's a long time but when you look back at who you were when this person was in your life it seems like life times ago.
Feel free to laugh at my amazing hair/outfit. Keep in mind this was taken in 1999.
I miss you Jenny.
Feel free to laugh at my amazing hair/outfit. Keep in mind this was taken in 1999.
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| The stars with the colleges we were accepted to, this is when we got our acceptance letters to the school we ended up attending. |
13 February 2012
rocky mountain high...
Oh boy, it never ends here. As I mentioned earlier Doc has been pretty proactive about getting care this time around. As soon as his TBI symptoms came back he was contacting the care coalition and the others in his network to see the best options for him. We are so lucky to have the care coalition as a resource, he has heard back and knows that there are people out there working to get him the best possible care. What that may mean for us is a compassionate reassignment.
There is a study at Ft. Carson, the altitude there has something to do with the study. They are working to get Doc into the study. We knew moving toWest Hell Yuma, AZ would limit his care options but we were (foolishly) optimistic that he would just improve on his own. I guess there is a need for a medic with the advanced training that Doc has thanks to his Spec Ops status. If it works out it would be great, he would have a job and would be in a study with a 2/3 chance of getting oxygen chamber therapy. The down side is another move.
Honestly, a move would just be a temporary pain. I don't like AZ at all. I do, however, LOVE this house, it's so big and new and pretty. I could do without the occasional giant cockroach though. I'm worried about finding a place to live when we get there, I would prefer to live on post. I am excited to be in the land of trees and seasons again. I hear Ft. Carson is beautiful.
So we are just waiting (again). It took us 2 years for get to AZ so I am not packing my bags just yet (well I wont pack them at all - our DITY move days are over). If you have an Ft. Carson tips or live there and want to be BFFs with me in the case that we do move please let me know.
There is a study at Ft. Carson, the altitude there has something to do with the study. They are working to get Doc into the study. We knew moving to
Honestly, a move would just be a temporary pain. I don't like AZ at all. I do, however, LOVE this house, it's so big and new and pretty. I could do without the occasional giant cockroach though. I'm worried about finding a place to live when we get there, I would prefer to live on post. I am excited to be in the land of trees and seasons again. I hear Ft. Carson is beautiful.
So we are just waiting (again). It took us 2 years for get to AZ so I am not packing my bags just yet (well I wont pack them at all - our DITY move days are over). If you have an Ft. Carson tips or live there and want to be BFFs with me in the case that we do move please let me know.
10 February 2012
facebook dad
I am sure everyone has seen it, the video the father posted on facebook after his daughter posted an open letter to her parents (that she never wanted them to see) complaining about everything she has to do. If you haven't seen it yet it's here. It seems like all of my friends on facebook think this guy is a fantastic parent who is sticking it to his bratty kid. While I agree the kid should be punished for disobeying her parents I can't jump on the "at a boy" bandwagon.
I've shared before that my stepmother seemed to make it her goal in life to keep me down and publicly humiliate me in such a way that no one could ever really call her out on bad parenting. I am so glad that facebook wasn't around when I was in high school. It's just too easy to post something in the heat of the moment, we were all teenagers we know teens don't have the best impulse control or a firm grip on true consequences to most actions.
If my high school friends saved the notes passed between classes I bet you would find something very similar to what this 15 (keep that in mind, 15) year old girl did. Did she lie to her God-knows-how-big friends list about her chores? Of course she did SHE'S 15! Was she acting like a total spoiled brat? Without a doubt but guess what Dad, one doesn't get spoiled on one's own. Perhaps you should have nipped this in the bud years ago.
What really gets me is the reach of this video. Not only did he post in on his daughter's facebook wall but it went viral. I am sure he had something to do with that too. Like I said, God knows how many "friends" she has that can see her wall but my younger nieces and nephews have around 500 friends each, I think you add everyone you go to school with at that age. 15 is such a hard time for a young girl, obviously this one wasn't in the best place when she vented. Posting this for everyone in her world to see, to me, is as bad as putting her on stage and taking her over your knee for all the world to see. I get that she put your family out there first but, do I really have to say it again? SHE'S 15 and venting while you took the time to set up a video, taker her laptop, retrieve and load your weapon and speak to your ex-wife about your plan.
Maybe I'm a softie but my heart breaks for her. Ground her, blow up her computer, make her do that entire chore list as she described it, whatever you need to do but keep in in the family. If you want her to learn how she should behave set an example.
Perhaps my problem is that I am not looking at this as a parent but I was that embarrassed, angry, confused 15 year old. I still carry those scars today. The way I was treated then led to behavior I am not necessarily proud of and would not want my daughters to repeat.
There is so much more I could get into with this video but we would be here all day.
How do you feel about this?
I've shared before that my stepmother seemed to make it her goal in life to keep me down and publicly humiliate me in such a way that no one could ever really call her out on bad parenting. I am so glad that facebook wasn't around when I was in high school. It's just too easy to post something in the heat of the moment, we were all teenagers we know teens don't have the best impulse control or a firm grip on true consequences to most actions.
If my high school friends saved the notes passed between classes I bet you would find something very similar to what this 15 (keep that in mind, 15) year old girl did. Did she lie to her God-knows-how-big friends list about her chores? Of course she did SHE'S 15! Was she acting like a total spoiled brat? Without a doubt but guess what Dad, one doesn't get spoiled on one's own. Perhaps you should have nipped this in the bud years ago.
What really gets me is the reach of this video. Not only did he post in on his daughter's facebook wall but it went viral. I am sure he had something to do with that too. Like I said, God knows how many "friends" she has that can see her wall but my younger nieces and nephews have around 500 friends each, I think you add everyone you go to school with at that age. 15 is such a hard time for a young girl, obviously this one wasn't in the best place when she vented. Posting this for everyone in her world to see, to me, is as bad as putting her on stage and taking her over your knee for all the world to see. I get that she put your family out there first but, do I really have to say it again? SHE'S 15 and venting while you took the time to set up a video, taker her laptop, retrieve and load your weapon and speak to your ex-wife about your plan.
Maybe I'm a softie but my heart breaks for her. Ground her, blow up her computer, make her do that entire chore list as she described it, whatever you need to do but keep in in the family. If you want her to learn how she should behave set an example.
Perhaps my problem is that I am not looking at this as a parent but I was that embarrassed, angry, confused 15 year old. I still carry those scars today. The way I was treated then led to behavior I am not necessarily proud of and would not want my daughters to repeat.
There is so much more I could get into with this video but we would be here all day.
How do you feel about this?
09 February 2012
diva
There are days when I dread getting out of bed, when I feel like I don't get a moment to take a breath for myself but then there are days like today. This kid, she is too much. She refuses to wear her undies or a diaper so I'm glad she had a long shirt on today so I can share this picture.
She found these way in the back of the closet, they are my favorite. She has great style.
She found these way in the back of the closet, they are my favorite. She has great style.
08 February 2012
cause I'm free, free falling...
First of all I want to give SeaWorld a big THANK YOU. Discounts for military are always appreciated but SeaWorld goes beyond that and offers free admission for active duty and dependents. Regular admission is $73 so that is a huge savings. If you are near a SeaWorld take advantage of this offer, it's very generous.
Anyway, since we don't have friends down here we didn't have a birthday party for TC, not a big deal - I am glad that I didn't have all of that stress for something she wont remember anyway. SeaWorld was TC's birthday trip but since she's a nightmare in hotels we made it a day trip. A three hour drive really isn't that bad but what I hate is the highway. If you've never driven I-8 in southern California you're lucky. It's a 4100 foot elevation mountain with piles of rocks that reach up to the heavens and drop offs that are no less than 1000 feet. Perhaps my fear of plunging to my death in a car is causing slight exaggeration but I'm telling you it's scary.
I have a hard time even driving over big bridges - there is one in particular on I-90 in WA that I cried my way over when moving out to Ft. Lewis. Mountain driving is also vomit inducing combine the two and I'm a mess. Luckily Doc drove and all I had to do was hold on for dear life. I'm surprised my fingernails didn't cut my palms.
Doc is very well aware of this phobia of mine and saw this as the perfect opportunity to screw with me (to be funny, not to be an ass). There is one stretch when heading east back to Arizona that is a 5 mile 6% downgrade. Driving into this there is a pull off for trucks to check their breaks and there is also a "runaway truck ramp". Seriously. Runaway trucks. The speed limit is 50 for cars, 35 for trucks. Along this stretch you also have to watch for falling rocks and anticipate super strong wind gusts. It's the perfect storm really. Doc thought it would be funny to speed up behind trucks and then move over to the left lane. Not enough to actually put us in danger but I'm a wuss.
Where am I going with this? Well, Doc and I were talking about how I love roller coasters and free fall rides but roads like that get me. This is when Doc gave me an interesting proposition, a tandem jump with one of the instructors from the free fall school. I would love it, I think. I just don't know that as a mother of 2 I am comfortable putting myself at risk like that. I think it's a funny thing to say, Doc jumps out of planes, hell, if he wasn't wounded he would have gone off to war 3 more times. I'm sure this is not going to end up being anything but the thought of falling through the air is exciting in itself.
I bet you thought I was going to talk about SeaWorld huh? Well it was great, TC has a blast and here's a picture from the day.
Anyway, since we don't have friends down here we didn't have a birthday party for TC, not a big deal - I am glad that I didn't have all of that stress for something she wont remember anyway. SeaWorld was TC's birthday trip but since she's a nightmare in hotels we made it a day trip. A three hour drive really isn't that bad but what I hate is the highway. If you've never driven I-8 in southern California you're lucky. It's a 4100 foot elevation mountain with piles of rocks that reach up to the heavens and drop offs that are no less than 1000 feet. Perhaps my fear of plunging to my death in a car is causing slight exaggeration but I'm telling you it's scary.
I have a hard time even driving over big bridges - there is one in particular on I-90 in WA that I cried my way over when moving out to Ft. Lewis. Mountain driving is also vomit inducing combine the two and I'm a mess. Luckily Doc drove and all I had to do was hold on for dear life. I'm surprised my fingernails didn't cut my palms.
Doc is very well aware of this phobia of mine and saw this as the perfect opportunity to screw with me (to be funny, not to be an ass). There is one stretch when heading east back to Arizona that is a 5 mile 6% downgrade. Driving into this there is a pull off for trucks to check their breaks and there is also a "runaway truck ramp". Seriously. Runaway trucks. The speed limit is 50 for cars, 35 for trucks. Along this stretch you also have to watch for falling rocks and anticipate super strong wind gusts. It's the perfect storm really. Doc thought it would be funny to speed up behind trucks and then move over to the left lane. Not enough to actually put us in danger but I'm a wuss.
Where am I going with this? Well, Doc and I were talking about how I love roller coasters and free fall rides but roads like that get me. This is when Doc gave me an interesting proposition, a tandem jump with one of the instructors from the free fall school. I would love it, I think. I just don't know that as a mother of 2 I am comfortable putting myself at risk like that. I think it's a funny thing to say, Doc jumps out of planes, hell, if he wasn't wounded he would have gone off to war 3 more times. I'm sure this is not going to end up being anything but the thought of falling through the air is exciting in itself.
I bet you thought I was going to talk about SeaWorld huh? Well it was great, TC has a blast and here's a picture from the day.
 |
| That's Doc and TC checking out a whale. TC decided that whales say "ooooo". |
07 February 2012
so big
It has been quite the week for my first born, it's hard for this momma but also amazing to watch her turn into a little girl right before my eyes.
She's been a crib jumper for months, mostly she would just tire herself out and it was no big deal. Last week she got her leg stuck and let out a horrible scream, she was alright but it could have been bad. That was a nap, that afternoon I ran out and bought her a mattress. I had her bedding already and we did order her a bed but we ended up not keeping it. I am happy with it like this for now, she is sleeping on the mattress on the floor and she can't fall out and get hurt.
I knew it would be a big change for her and change is scary. I stayed with her, I had to get up and look for batteries for her night light, in those few minutes she ended up sitting in the furthest corner of her bed crying out of fear. I came in and we snuggled, she kept reaching out to make sure I was still there. I assured her through my tears, I wish I had someone to assure me. Eventually, after a few times out of her bed she started to feel comfortable. I got up and told her that she was such a big girl and that I was so proud of her. I let her know I would be right outside of her door and said good night. She fell asleep quickly after that.
Between that, the potty training (which she is a total rock star with) and turning 2 it's just too much. It's too much for me that is, she's doing amazing. How is it possible? Wasn't I just telling you all that I was pregnant with her?
She's been a crib jumper for months, mostly she would just tire herself out and it was no big deal. Last week she got her leg stuck and let out a horrible scream, she was alright but it could have been bad. That was a nap, that afternoon I ran out and bought her a mattress. I had her bedding already and we did order her a bed but we ended up not keeping it. I am happy with it like this for now, she is sleeping on the mattress on the floor and she can't fall out and get hurt.
I knew it would be a big change for her and change is scary. I stayed with her, I had to get up and look for batteries for her night light, in those few minutes she ended up sitting in the furthest corner of her bed crying out of fear. I came in and we snuggled, she kept reaching out to make sure I was still there. I assured her through my tears, I wish I had someone to assure me. Eventually, after a few times out of her bed she started to feel comfortable. I got up and told her that she was such a big girl and that I was so proud of her. I let her know I would be right outside of her door and said good night. She fell asleep quickly after that.
Between that, the potty training (which she is a total rock star with) and turning 2 it's just too much. It's too much for me that is, she's doing amazing. How is it possible? Wasn't I just telling you all that I was pregnant with her?
oh hi square one
I've been quiet again, you may have noticed over the past 2 years that when I'm quiet it means things aren't going well here. Doc is slipping back into a depression, I feel like he may be ready to throw in the towel and stop trying to get better. He's had some conversations with the surgeon at work and they are working to get him into the HBOC and there is a TBI inpatient physicality in Georgia (I think). I don't want him to go away but I'll do anything if it means he'll feel better.
He said he could deal with not getting any better than he is now if he could still progress in his career but his boss is not budging with his promotion. He said he's just going by the rules but the truth is that he's not, they should use his last PT test before he was injured. But complaining about it here isn't going to change anything. I think his plan is to reenlist and ride it out here for a while and then to go through the med board process.
I can understand that it's depressing, it's depressing for me too. My life is changing too, my plans are being tossed aside too. I am not moping around the house all day, I feel like it sometimes but I can't. He doesn't want to take medication and after being on over 30 different meds in the past two years I can understand but if he's not going to do that he needs to make an effort. I know a sunny disposition can't always combat depression but in this case I know it would help, when he lets his guard down and forgets to be a grump he's a fun guy.
I tell ya, this TBI is the gift that keeps on giving.
He said he could deal with not getting any better than he is now if he could still progress in his career but his boss is not budging with his promotion. He said he's just going by the rules but the truth is that he's not, they should use his last PT test before he was injured. But complaining about it here isn't going to change anything. I think his plan is to reenlist and ride it out here for a while and then to go through the med board process.
I can understand that it's depressing, it's depressing for me too. My life is changing too, my plans are being tossed aside too. I am not moping around the house all day, I feel like it sometimes but I can't. He doesn't want to take medication and after being on over 30 different meds in the past two years I can understand but if he's not going to do that he needs to make an effort. I know a sunny disposition can't always combat depression but in this case I know it would help, when he lets his guard down and forgets to be a grump he's a fun guy.
I tell ya, this TBI is the gift that keeps on giving.
04 February 2012
birthday eve
I have so much I want to tell you all, life has been nonstop these last few days. I will play catch up soon. What I want to concentrate on is that tomorrow I baby girl is turning 2! My dear TC is going to be 2, she's the only reason I smile some days (nothing against Little A but it's the newborn stage that bothers me not her). I can't believe it's been two years and I can't believe there were 27 years of my life with out her.
We aren't having a party, we went to SeaWorld yesterday in celebration. She will wake up to streamers and balloons and a special birthday breakfast. She will have a cupcake and a party hat and her favorite foods. She will, as she does everyday, know that she is loved. We will watch the Patriots win the Superbowl and I will keep myself from crying at various points in the day.
I am going to do my best to enjoy two, it's already very trying but also amazing. She's a little girl now and before I know it she's going to resist kisses on the mouth so if she tries to slip me some tongue now and then because she's just over excited I will just roll with it.
I can't believe I get to be her mother and I get to see her grow and smile daily. I am so blessed.
We aren't having a party, we went to SeaWorld yesterday in celebration. She will wake up to streamers and balloons and a special birthday breakfast. She will have a cupcake and a party hat and her favorite foods. She will, as she does everyday, know that she is loved. We will watch the Patriots win the Superbowl and I will keep myself from crying at various points in the day.
I am going to do my best to enjoy two, it's already very trying but also amazing. She's a little girl now and before I know it she's going to resist kisses on the mouth so if she tries to slip me some tongue now and then because she's just over excited I will just roll with it.
I can't believe I get to be her mother and I get to see her grow and smile daily. I am so blessed.
 | |
| I don't know what I did to deserve this family but I thank God for them daily. |
01 February 2012
almost WW
I haven't done an (almost) wordless Wednesday in a long time. TC in her new big girl bed...I cried way too much.
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