big

This is me today...This dress is not at all flattering but it sure is comfortable (Stacy and Clinton would kill me!) I am not sure who had the brilliant idea of adding pleats to the back of the dress, not usually a problem but when they start at the small of your back they make your ass look BIG!

22 weeks and 1 day, I am glad to be past the 22 week mark because apparently it isn't until 22 weeks that everything humanly possible will be done to save your baby if the worst were to happen. Right now I am ready for time to fly so I can meet my little girl but in the same breath I want it to crawl by because I don't think I'm ready. But how ready can you really be for your life to change so dramatically?

Update on my cousin

I learned over the weekend that my cousin Heather will be heading home next weekend. It seems that everything is falling into place for her and I am thankful for all the prayers she received because I know this wouldn't be possible without those. She's a teacher in Hawaii and her school is giving her a leave of absence. Tricare/the Navy (I am not sure who picks up the tab for things like this) is paying for her flight and rental car. Boston is the only place where she can receive treatment so these are all medical expenses. The Navy is giving her husband leave so he can join her as well.

The doctors in Hawaii removed a good amount of fluid from her lungs and cleared her to fly. When she gets to Boston they will decide if she will have a surgery to try to correct her lymph issues or not, if she does have the surgery she will be the first to every receive it which to me is terrifying. Also knowing how her body reacts to surgery makes me uneasy. I trust the doctors to know what they are doing and do what is best for her.

If she does have the surgery she will stay in Massachusetts longer and start to collect disability from her job. It sounds like they really have everything figured out. My stepmother and her sister (Heather's mom) are very hopeful that she will still be home while I am home, it would be great to see her.

I guess what I don't understand is why the Navy doesn't decide to PCS Heather and her husband to New England. He was working in Newport a few years ago and I am sure there are things he could do there or in Groton, CT. I guess after her appointments they will have more information and know exactly what they are dealing with. It seems like a no-brainer to me, she is sick and the only doctors who can help her are in New England so why have her living in Hawaii when there are 2 perfectly good Navel Bases in New England?

So thank you for your prayers, they are helping. Please keep them coming, she got a lot of decisions to make in the upcoming weeks.

stupid dog

When Moses needs to go outside he's a whiner. He's never been one to bark to let us know that he's got to pee so I've trained myself to wake up to his whine. Last night at midnight he started BARKING! Serious barking, then he ran over to my open bedroom door and whined a bit and then barked a bit.

Given the events of the night before you better believe this got my attention. I shot right up and freaked the hell out. I laid back down afraid to move, I was just listening to see if I heard any strange noises...there were non. I gave it 5 minutes and then took Moses to pee. I turned on the outdoor light and surveyed the yard and everything seemed to be in order. I unlocked the slider, let Moses out, then closed and locked the slider...he did his thing and came back in. It was a lot of drama for a late night pee, I hope tonight is less eventful!

yikes!

I woke up today to find that the back gate to my yard was wide open! First of all, the house backs up to some really think woods so it's not like there is another house back there or anything. Second of all, I was outside with Moses yesterday and everything seemed fine, the gate was not open at all. Sure Doc opens it when he's mowing the lawn because he dumps the grass on the other side of the fence but the lawn hasn't been touched in over a week. The only thing I can think is that someone opened the gate.

see the gate behind the swings (which are wicked fun) that's the one and that's the shed not another house, we're pretty isolated

Holy shit! Someone opened the gate! Which means that someone was in my yard! They must not have stuck around because Moses didn't bark last night but still. It's a very strange feeling knowing that someone was out there. Tonight I am going to pick up some pad locks (which, I know I should have had) to ensure that no one can just walk right in. Maybe I should look into some motion sensor lights for the back too...we have them out front but not in the back.

At least Moses has a loud bark and he demonstrated that he is not immediately welcoming to men in my house while Doc is away when Doc's aunt and uncle came to visit. That makes me feel safe but not as safe as I would feel if I had a loaded .22 under my bed. Perhaps I should look into one of those this weekend too.

Oh yes, I would be terrified of this guy!

all clear!

I had the second ultrasound today and it went well. The tech told me they needed a picture of the spine with the fluid behind it and since she was chillen against the "wall" it wasn't very easy. She is still a she and she weighs in at 1lb! Little porker haha. She's also measuring two days ahead...2 weeks ago she was on schedule so I guess she went through a growth spurt. Oh, and she flipped around so she's not feet first anymore. All is good.

anxious

I get to see my little girl tomorrow...all day I kept thinking of the things that could go wrong from small things like "oh, looks like we were wrong - that's a boy!" That would take some getting used to but would be just fine.

Then of course there's the other thought, "I'm sorry to tell you this..."

Ugh, lots of praying from now until my 1:15 appointment. I know it's killing Doc to miss this, I hope he's able to concentrate on what he's doing down there.

peace out

I seem to have lost a few followers - don't worry I am not going to go all internet psycho or anything. I understand, I remove blogs from my reading list when I no longer find them relevant to my life as well. I actually removed one today and it felt good because the posts drove me bananas! I am also a frequent facebook deleter. Sometimes because people piss me off, sometimes because I see someone on my list and realize that I really don't care if Sally from 7th grade is making jello for the fourth time this week, and on a few occasions for telling me of the score of a playoff baseball game. Delete.

I do know some people take it personally, I am just surprised that even one of you out there in blog land keeps up with the happenings of my life. I don't do cool giveaways or anything like that so there really is nothing in it for you. I am sure if I mentioned this to Doc he would say you are all still around just to see what kind of shenanigans he'll get into next. When I told him that I let you all in on his no pants trash song he was upset - he doesn't want others to start copying his awesome moves...he has nothing to worry about.

He did spend the greater part of yesterday turning his laptop into a router for his hotel room so he can play xBox Live NHL10...it worked for one game and then quit. He's contacted the front desk and they will have someone look at his internet connection. I really hope it works because I don't feel like hearing him complain about it for the next three weeks it will give him something to do and not focus on being away.

And for no reason other than he's just so stinken cute, here is Moses, pouting.

got tissues?

Doc woke me up at 6AM yesterday, OK he didn't wake me but his alarm did - same thing. After 10 minutes I crawled my pregnant ass out of bed and set up shop on the couch while he packed. Our routine since he came home from overseas is hang out for a week (or more if we are lucky) and then out comes the green bags and packing lists. I don't even put his packing highlighter away anymore.

I mentioned how unhappy we are about this particular TDY, Doc much more so than I. Well, he was a total jerk the entire morning. I coddled him the first year of our marriage and when he acted up I took it because I felt bad for him but all that is long gone. He knows that cussing at me is not going to change anything, I can't even tell you how many times I have told him to calm down because I am not the one who is making him leave. It gets frustrating and I hate that I have to deal with it but I don't think he's ever going to change.

After huffing and puffing and a few dropped hints about the all to close Canadian boarder (jokes people, they were jokes) we were on our way. That's when I did something I could not believe...I cried! I was driving him to post and my eyes watered up and I was crying. I will say it again, he's on TDY...he's not deployed or anything serious like that but at that moment 3 weeks seemed like a lifetime.

I am not confusing myself with the salty wives with 10+ years under their belts but this is not even close to my first rodeo. We are quickly approaching the 4 year mark (our original ETS date) and I can't even count the number of times I have dropped him off so I must say I was non to impressed with my rookie like tears. I really hope I can hold it together when I go in for my ultrasound. Women go through entire pregnancies and births without their husbands (hell there's a good chance Doc will miss mine) so I refuse to be the lady who cries in front of strangers all because of a silly TDY.

trash day

Last night I told Doc that we had to bring the barrels out...he's managed to get out of doing it for the past month and boy did he try again last night.

First it was the if-I-move-in slow-motion-towards-the-bedroom-you-wont-see-me-and-once-I'm-in-bed-you-can't-make-me-do-it. Very cute of him I must say, he's very much like a 3 year old sometimes. I stopped him mid tiptoe.

Next he started pulling his shorts off singing "I can't do it if I don't have pants on..." Haha, I told him that he can go out there completely nude if he wants, but it's chilly so I wouldn't advise it ;).

We finally make our way to the garage and he tries to lock me in there, ummm dude, I can't just open the garage door or go out the back door onto the deck and walk in the slider.

20 minutes later we had the trash and recycling on the curb and hopped into bed.

In a month when he's home again for trash day we will go through this all again and I can't wait!

Bummer about the bagels...I didn't have anything else to eat for breakfast so I had one this morning and I was OK. I think it's just going to be a random day to day thing depending on how much Teagan hates me on the given day.

I am being a baby about Doc leaving this weekend, I think him leaving for these 3 weeks is going to be harder on me than when he heads overseas next. I know I sound crazy but it's true, him going overseas is his job - it's what he signed up to do and it's what he loves. When he's there he saves lives. I am sure I am not the only one who thinks some TDYs are worse than deployments...there is just less stress about door knocks on TDY.

Oh speaking of door knocks, some twerp from the local mechanic shop knocked on our door last week and I let him introduce himself and said exactly this: "thanks but if you are trying to sell something I would appreciate if you never knocked on this door again."

This kid is just trying to do his job and drum up business and his sales tactic is to act like he is taking it personally with a "what have I ever done to you?"

What I wanted to say was "Listen you little shit, if you don't get off my lawn I am going to release my dog on you so piss off!" But I didn't, I let him know that I just don't appreciate unexpected knocks on my door, said thanks and closed the door. (and he proceeded to walk across my lawn to the next house....grrrr!) And what does Doc say when I closed the door? "You didn't have to be such a bitch." Ummmm excuse me? I could have slammed the door on him, I could have asked him if he was mentally deficient because the cars in our driveway were obviously under warranty but I didn't. I thought I was nice.

Until Doc has been home alone for months, hasn't heard from me in days, and gets a knock on the door that makes his heart stop he will never understand. Furthermore, I would think that he would be glad that I try to stop strange men from coming to the door knowing that he's going away and I am just getting bigger and more vulnerable. Word on the street is that I should be expecting a sea of young Mormons to come by to save my soul soon too...fun! I don't think I will open the door for people, there is a window close enough to the door that I can open and just as effective tell people to buzz off through.

I will light that for you

With my breath! This heart burn is no joke my friends. I gave up my usual lunch of Lean Cuisine pizza because it was killing me so I though I was in the clear but nope! Here is everything I've eaten today, I can't figure out what is making this so bad:

Breakfast - Blueberry Bagel with fake butter
Snack - half a blueberry bagel with peanut butter
Lunch - yogurt parfait with vanilla yogurt, fresh raspberries, a banana & Quaker's honey granola cereal
Snack - half blueberry bagel plain
3 tums

That's it, and that is pretty typical for me so please tell why I am turning into a fire breathing dragon!!! But the good news is, I am using this as an excuse to get some mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fellow preggo tonight. ;)

ho hummm

Doc is really bummed. He's working a lot this week so I won't be seeing much of him before he leaves this weekend for the east coast. Yet another 3 weeks from home for no good reason! I know I say that a lot but I always mean it when I say it. Some of the training and schools he goes to are great and he learns very valuable information there but sometimes it's just a bunch of crap. This time he has to get some stupid badge that he will never wear because he already has the badge above it (does that make sense? well it does to me haha).

He is really not happy about leaving me again but there are a few other things that are really bothering him too...Xbox NHL 2010 is out today. No doubt he already has his copy. Those of you who have been keeping up with us know how much he loves his fake hockey. Since his hours at work are all screwy he wont be able to play much with his "team." By the time he gets back he's going to be 3 weeks behind in stats and ability (which apparently is a big deal). So there is that and then one thing I can relate to...he's missing the rest of the Red Sox season!!! And depending on the playoff schedule the start of the playoffs. Poor thing.

The major event he's missing...my second ultrasound. The doctor wasn't happy with the images of Teagan's spine so they want to take another look at her. I am really bummed about this. We were worried that something was wrong but Doc had one of the real doctors where he works take a look into my medical file and it seems that all looks good they just want to be extra through. I am going to ask a coworker to come with me - it's just not the same.

I know, we are lucky he's not deployed blah blah blah but the thing is that he will be, and soon. When he's home he looks forward to these things since he's away so much. I am sure it will all get better soon, we just need to get through 2010 and then hopefully a lot of things will change. I for one will have a waist again! :)

I must be crazy

I just told my friend that I will throw her a baby shower in January! Yup, I will be 9 months pregnant in January. It will be fine, it will give me something to focus on other than being all alone in my 9 month...I just hope for her sake I don't go early!

I can't really think about that stuff right now because...it's Monday night and in about 16 minutes the Patriots will take the field!! I am sooooooo ready for some football my friends. I am so excited to see Tom Brady back in there, it's all this New England girl needs to feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

sinking in

I knew it would take the big reveal to start to feel a real connection with my little one. Now that I can call her by her name it's like she's real. Oh and what I thought was gas was really her so she's been moving around like crazy in there - she gets that from her daddy, he can't sit still. Her name is Teagan, it's Celtic for "little poet" which if perfect. I am going to think of a fun name for her for blogging purposes but that will take some time.

As great as the ultrasound was yesterday it's left me a little worried, I am trying not to think about it until I talk to my OB but I can't help it. She is very low. So low the tech had a very hard time getting an image of my cervix for my file. The unexplained pain in my bladder would be her resting on it and bouncing on it. I hope she moves up so I don't have to deal with bed rest later on in pregnancy, we simply cannot afford that.

Doc is getting used to the idea of a girl too but he was truly crushed. I don't think it's the normal "boys are more fun" kind of upset either. I haven't really talked about his childhood much, he went through more than a young child ever should. As the big brother he was able to shield his sisters from a lot of it, he was there to protect them. Having a boy would have helped ease his mind a bit. If something were to happen to him his son would have been around to watch out for the family. It's not a rational thought but it's his all the same.

I am so excited, I can just see them having the same father daughter relationship I had with my dad. There is nothing sweeter than a father's love for his daughter and he will soon learn this. Daddy is going to be her hero and she's going to be his right back.

My mother actually called to congratulate me on a daughter. I was very surprised to get her voice mail but I am not expecting much from her. As I was telling a friend earlier, she's an addict and her addiction will always come first in her life. When she makes the first steps back to AA and tries I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I told her if she saved all the money she spends in a month on drinking she could afford to come here to visit no problem but that is not something she's willing to do. Addicts are selfish and I would like to shield my innocent little girl from that as long as I can. It may break my heart but I will not back down from this and most importantly I will not enable my mother.

put us on team...

PINK! it's a girl and she's perfect.

nervous!

I am leaving in a few minutes to head to the hospital for my ultrasound. I have been praying all day that everything goes well. A healthy happy baby is all I want. I have great plans for a boy and other great plans for a girl so I am just excited to see which way I will go.

Oh and working at a chocolate factory has it's perks, I have some chocolate covered espresso beans in my bag just in case the baby is being a brat and wont move around enough for us to get a good look...mother of the year candidate right here!

I will let you know who's in my belly later today. :)

quick rant

I am so sick of hearing people bitch about the health care you get with the military. Tri-Care has it's problems and no I am not a fan of everything they have done but I was never 100% happy with my health care before I was on Tri-Care either. This is what health insurance is - GET OVER IT!

Doctors are people too and no matter where you go there will be some you like and some you don't, it has nothing to do with who they work for. Finally, if you don't like it go get your own health insurance!!! There is no law that says you need to be on Tri-Care just because your husband is.

I am so sick of blanket statements about these things. I feel blessed that if something were to happen to me I could go straight to the ER and been seen, treated, and pick up a Rx at no cost to me...but yea, the military sucks as does the health insurance provided.

Blah!

scattered

So far today I have sent a blank email to my boss, sent an email to the wrong person on facebook (thank God I was vague in it), and just refreshed my Pandora player while it was playing a song I really wanted to hear. I really am out of it today.

My entire body hurts from priming the nursery walls yesterday. My awesome landlord decided to not paint the room so it was a gross dark tan color with a wall covered in hot pink and orange circles. I know I have complained about her not painting before so I am trying to keep that to a minimum. It took 2 coats of primer to cover those stupid circles...not a lot of fun for me at all. (Don't worry I had the windows open, a fan blowing and I wore a mask.) Doc didn't help because he thinks it's stupid that I am even painting, he thinks we will be out of here in a year and wanted to leave the ugly wall to hurt the resale value. I just can't live with such an ugly room for my child, the circles didn't even match the colors that were on the walls!

I am glad to have that done, now I am free to start painting after the ultrasound tomorrow. I have a few sample colors on the wall right now but I am not feeling either of them so it's back to the drawing board. Hopefully Doc will help me with that when the time comes.

I am really nervous for tomorrow, I haven't felt any movement yet so I am just praying to see the baby moving around and alive (is it bad to say that?). I've also been worrying about totally crazy things like, what if the baby has both male and female parts? What if the baby has 6 fingers on each hand? Would my insurance cover getting that fixed or would the child be forced to wear mittens and not gloves in the cold? And then the major stuff, will the baby's brain be forming correctly? The doctors didn't see when my friend's baby was missing his corpus callosum, not that they would have terminated (and neither would I) but had the doctors seen it they would have been ready. I am just ready for tomorrow to be over - it's hard to get excited for the ultrasound when I have all these fears. It's not like they are just checking for the sex. But whenever someone asks if I am excited I say "so excited, I can't wait" because that is what they want to hear.

In other news I am planning a bit for my trip home. Friday my sister has to work so I am going to try to get together with my college friends and finally meet that wonderful baby I was talking about! Perhaps that will be my Friendly's day...I can hear that Reese's Pieces Sundae calling my name!

who's in my belly? (POLL)

Big ultrasound 9/9 1:20 PDT...what do you think will happen?

What will our ultrasound reveal?

• 
  
  it's a boy!


• 
  
  it's a girl!


• 
  
  still don't know, the baby was being shy

view results
Free vote poll

I'm not that big!

I took that picture last night, my 18 weeks picture. My family back home really likes seeing them and I like pretending that I always have a clean kitchen (you'll notice that I never take the picture on the counter that has the sink!) I posted this on facebook like the good long distance relative I am and the comments came rolling in. Mostly really nice and sweet (lies) about my "cute" belly and the "glow" and things to that effect. They make me smile and forget for a moment that I occupied by an ever growing parasite.

All was good until I came across this gem:
"Wow, I think that is going to be one big baby! You look great!"

Translation:
"You are one fat cow - only 18 weeks huh? Good luck getting back into shape once you have that thing...but don't worry, fat really works for you"

This is an old friend from high school, we played field hockey together and were always in the smarty pants English classes and she doesn't have a mean bone in her body. I am sure it's no surprise when I tell you that she is not yet a mother. I have been searching my memory wondering if I was ever so clueless while addressing a pregnant woman. Sure as a child I know I gasped and said something undoubtedly ridiculous but cute ("you might be having a dinosaur!") but as an adult I don't think I have.

I really need to get a thicker skin, these comments are going to be rolling in for the next 22 weeks and I would like to get through without punching someone in the face. I guess I will have to just do my best - but I am not making any promises!

another week

A week from right now my belly will be covered in goo and Doc and I will find out who will be joining our family. I had a dream the other night that we were in the ultrasound room and it was a boy which is weird because I have been feeling girl since around week 9. I told Doc about the dream yesterday and he did a little dance around the kitchen. He's so funny, I know he won't care either way but that man wants a son! I didn't have the heart to tell him that my dreams are not very reliable, last night I was kidnapped by the Bloods gang...

There really isn't much going on in my life these days, even the baby stuff is pretty boring right now. I have been looking at Rate My Space on hgtv.com for nursery ideas and I found someone who took my Giving Tree idea!! But she painted the entire room the green color on the front of the book...eeew! Doc said he's painting a wall like the green monster (Fenway Park) but I'm not worried, he's not artistic and it would require an enormous amount of effort on his part so that wont happen. I don't think he's on board with my minimalist nursery idea but I really don't care, I'm the one who will be doing all the work so I will decorate it my way. For a girl I am thinking about a plum accent wall and then a muted gray with plum undertones for the other 3 walls but I'm not 100% yet.

And now for a rant...

If one more person tells me how to take care of myself so not to get H1N1 I might just have a mental breakdown. I appreciate it, I really do but I don't live under a rock and know that I need to be very careful given my delicate state. (haha me delicate, that's funny) My sister called just to tell me that one pediatrician that she knows told her to tell me to wear a mask on my flight home. Not gonna happen, and not just because my own vanity (I think the giant sweat pants I plan of flying in will prove that one) but I can't spend 10+ hours breathing in my old air. I can't even stand when my head is under the covers. I hope the vaccine will be ready by then but if not, so be it. Doc has been on several commercial flights recently and whatever he picks up there he brings home to me and so far so good. That and when people are sick they go see my husband first...kinda why I call him Doc. If I'm going to get it I'm going to get it, worrying about it is just stupid.

taking the easy way out

I was tagged on Facebook to fill this out but if I do Doc will make fun of me all night. Someone remind me why I wanted him to get a facebook? I'm doing it here.

How long have you been a Military Wife?
4 years in December

What do you like about being a Military Wife?
I love being married to my husband, that is first. What do I like best about the military part...looking past the separations, problems with pay, long nights of lonesome prayer...the women I have met who are in the same boat. I am sure some of the stereo types about military wives are true but I am not talking about those girls - I am talking about the women who know what you are going through. The women who understand that when our boys are home we don't really see each other much (and are perfectly happy with that). The women who will come you have cried to for no reason and who have cried right back to you.

Do you live on base?
noooooooooo...the only way I can ever see that happen is if we live in an area where the school off post are worse than the schools on.

What is your favorite base so far?
Ft. Lewis is beautiful, I've only lived here and Ft. Bragg so I am going to go with Lewis (in the summer)

What's the hardest part of the military life?
when he's gone and family is so far away.

Do you go to the grocery store or commissary?
commissary, I save so much money there.

Do you prefer Dress Blues or Dress Whites?
well Doc only has greens so I will say those

Do you have a lot of Military Wife friends?
I do, I love them!

Do you prefer wal-mart or the BX/PX?
PX, I avoid Wal-Mart like the swine flu!

So how did your Husband propose?
he didn't, he was on a short call from basic training and said, "when I get home for Christmas we should just get married, I wrote you a letter about it didn't you get it?"

Did you marry him after he joined or before?
After, we dated for 3 months before he left, he was gone a month and he came home and were were married.

Any kids yet?
one due in Feb, and what is this "yet" are all MW expected to reproduce?

Any kids yet to come?
yup

Is your husband one of those (I am army hear me "HOOAH"/ I am Marine Corps hear me "OOHRAH") kind of guys?
hell no! He never even says that word...we make fun of those guys BTW haha.

Have you ever done combatives with your husband?
yup, he gets me every time

How many bases have you lived at?
2 (lived off post both times)

If you could change one thing about the military what would it be?
they would make a decision and stick with it!

Do you like military balls?
I've only been to one and yes, it was fun

Where does your family live?
most are in Massachusetts and some are in Kentucky

Do you have a job?
yup, I hate it

Have you ever gotten in a fight with a CPO's wife?
I don't know what that is but I don't fight so it's safe to say no

Name one thing you do when your husband is gone?
watch reality TV, he hates it

Do you think other wives do that too?
I'm sure